Hopeless Romantic
I watched Hollywood romantic comedies like You've Got Mail, Kate & Leopold, French Kiss, Pretty Woman, Notting Hill, Autumn in New York, and Serendipity years ago in my teenage. They are my favorite. I think deep inside; there is something left inside me that I am waiting for that special moment to happen in my life.
However, my cousin once said that I shouldn't watch Korean dramas to prevent me from getting too much into romantic feelings rather than using my brain. He told me this golden advice when I was in Papua, maybe around 2017. I have not watched Korean drama or any Holywood romantic drama for five years.
I am busy and have a lot of things to do, and watching movies has never been my priority. I do not need to buy a television in my dorm or subscribe to any movie channel. I might watch blockbuster movies in the movie theater, but something like Joker or Parasite, lol. Therefore, my life is relatively safe from this unuseful thought about romance, etc., for these five years, until..
Yes, 'until'.. You read it well, hahaha.
The Question
At this moment, I am kind of close with this kind-hearted man, and I kept asking myself about my feelings. What is this? Where my value in seeing a relationship is Agape Love, I kept asking myself if this feeling coming from God or what?
Why Do People Fall in Love?
Years ago, I had this depth discussion with my best friend and asked him what made people fall in love? I stared at our motorcycle helmets in his home, and I told him that from many motorcycle helmets in this world, I could not explain why I only liked this (my) yellow helmet. It had lost twice, but I kept buying the same helmet.
Meanwhile, I know in several cases, many people do not get married to people that they fall in love with. Therefore, I concluded that falling in love is a fate, but getting married to whom is your (own) decision. However, I asked again, why? Why do people fall in love with someone they could not be with? Why do people need to fall in love? Why does it have to happen?
I was thinking hard that night; I believed it was around midnight because we were in the middle of working on a project for our community. My friends and I slept over in his home. That me-time and depth conversation at the perfect time inspired me to the answer: God let people fall in love to understand how much God loves you. From a Christian perspective, how much Jesus sacrifices for us. I was in awe when I found the answer.
People say that love makes you stupid, love makes you sacrifice, and for sure, you can never be able to choose with whom you fall in love. You fall in love randomly. You might be with this person for years, not feeling anything at all, or maybe something might happen later. Or else, you just met this person in a brief time, and there will be something. You never know.
Falling in love is destined by God.
Please note that those discussions I had with my best friend happened years ago when I was in Papua. I almost forgot about how significant the falling in love feeling is. I tend to close my heart and prioritize my brain more to protect myself from unnecessary romantic drama. I did it well for five years until love knocked at the door.
Notting Hill
Here in my exile, I watch the movie recommendation by Netflix, two movies that used to be my favorite: Notting Hill and Serendipity. In Notting Hill, William Thacker (Hugh Grant) almost made a mistake by rejecting Anna Scott's (Julia Roberts) love confession.
This is what he said:
"The thing is, with you I'm in real danger. ... but my relatively inexperienced heart would I fear not recover if I was, once again, cast aside as I would absolutely expect to be.... "
William Thacker is me who was afraid to fall in love and perfectly said; I fear that my inexperienced heart would not recover if something terrible happened in the future. I have never been in love, and I better keep my love safe for my future husband.
I kept his lines in my mind and wondered what made William Thacker and Anna Scott fall in love. What exactly truly happened? While listening to When You Say Nothing at All from Ronan Keating as Nothing Hill's OST, I repeatedly think about the question over and over again. The movie told me you could love someone even by saying nothing at all. In the Notting Hill movie, the lead actors never said, "I love you," but they knew each other's feelings.
Serendipity
This movie made the "worst" impact on me.
Seven years after their brief meeting, Jonathan Trager (John Cusack) and Sara Thomas (Kate Beckinsale) could not forget each other. They were in a relationship, but they knew their current partner was not the 'one'.
They were engaged and in the week will get married with different partner, but still, Jon and Sara questioned themselves. If their current partner was the 'one', why did they keep looking for each other, Jon looked for Sara, and Sara looked for John?
It seemed that Jon failed to find Sara, and Sara failed to find Jon, but the two of them were sure that they could not lie to their feeling, and they broke up their engagement with their partner. Later, Jon and Sara found each other again in the ice rink, and everything restarted. What made them crazy about each other, even after seven years? The answer is because they knew!
Sara: You don't have to understand. You just have to have faith.
Jonathan: Faith in what?
Sara: Destiny
Both Jonathan and Sara could get married to their engaged partner at that moment, but was that something that they desired?
Life after the Movie
Now, back to reality, which is life after the 'movie'. Is there such thing as a happily ever after for both couples, William Thacker & Julia Roberts and Jonathan Trager & Sara Thomas? Both of them are married in the movie but will it last? None can answer because it's fiction.
How many people were married because of the feeling of falling in love as the priority? Love comes first. I do strongly agree about that. I also could not imagine being married to someone I do not love. However, seeing the statistics of a divorcee in this current time, should not we ask the same question, why?
If love becomes the first reason and priority of people getting married, what went wrong in the middle of the journey?
If Sara in Serendipity believes in destiny, I believe in God.
Falling in love is destined by God but getting married is your own decision. These are my consideration:
- Is there anyone who asked God from all my Holywood favorite movies I have mentioned above?
- Do they pray to God?
- Do they check what's God will?
- Is this man someone 'destined' to be my lifetime partner?
- Do we have the same vision in life, having the life with the same purpose to build a Godly family?
The Happily Ever After
This movie stops at the stage where we think it is the happily ever after. But we know the challenges and the life homework are waiting in the marriage, aren't they? This is the ugly truth of reality.
My happily ever after is when I know my "job" in this world is fulfilled, and I am returned to my eternal home, Jesus Christ. The world is full of suffering, but with Jesus Christ, I found my never-ending joy; I have the hope this my short life is worthwhile. Happiness comes from inside me, from how I know myself and see life.
Having a life partner is a bonus; to know that both of us (my future spouse and I) have a lifetime partner to go through this journey together towards God. But my happiness source does not come from other people; it always comes from God. Therefore, I believe it is our responsibility to feel content about ourselves first before we can take care of other people.
You can't hurry and target any marriage for this year, next year, or some years, or get married only to please your parents and society. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and the journey will not be short; it is a long life. Make sure you marry someone you love and both of you have the same direction in life. Getting married because of love only is not enough.
I genuinely hope you also find your happily ever after, and do not afraid to fall in love.
Jakarta, 23 July 2022.
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