Friska Notes

I was born and raised as a Christian, however, throughout my life, I experienced God's blessing, and I believe my husband shall be a Jesus follower like me. If he is not a Jesus follower, I will see other men as friends, which has happened for years. 

Other deal breakers: disrespectful and abusive men. I will leave men with this kind of quality. No way even they could get into my inner circle. 

I was once close with a Christian (A), a Catholic (B), and an agnostic who has Catholicism as his religion (C). Initially, I thought everything would be settled and smooth if we were both Christians. I prayed to God about them until God showed me that it was not them. 

Those particular Christian and Catholic men failed to show commitment and love for Jesus Christ. They were not ready. Mentally, A only wanted to be in a relationship for eros love and not mature spiritually. Meanwhile, B was abusive. However, it was interesting that I opened the chance to get closer to C. I found that agnostics and atheists have a challenging mindset, and somehow I loved it. 

I told C that I could not see our possible future, but he still came and put some effort until we had a conflict about the standard and values of marriage. He wanted his freedom and did not want to listen to suggestions from his (future) spouse even though it is scientifically proven. He wanted to have the attitude of a single man in his marriage, which conflict with my view that marriage is about compromise. He refused to listen to advice from people who loved him. He was stubborn. That was our deal breaker. 

I realized none of the three as the 'one.' 

So who is the one? This whole moment I thought that God was the one who decided who is our future husband. But if God is the one who chose our spouse, why are there many divorces in Christian marriages nowadays. What went wrong? 

I believe God destined us to meet some people in this world for a reason, including the fall in love experience. However, what we will do about that is something up to us, not God. Everything returns to how you pray about your future husband. Do you allow God to be involved as part of the decision maker, or did you say that he is the one you want as a husband and plead God to grant your wish? 

A person who is a Jesus follower understands what God wants in their life and the purpose of marriage. The worldly people will say that marriage is to have a companion in life, have children, build a family, be happy, to have sex legally. However, the deal breakers might show up if they failed to have children, were unhappy, had more fights, or preferred other sex variations outside the marriage. A divorce is a solution to happiness in this case. 

However, Jesus's followers put a higher standard (or impossible) on their marriage: Agape Love. Love is a sacrifice, to accept that the spouse and we are sinful and have a weakness as a human, to compromise in our weakness, and to hold the marriage vow we have in front of God. We might have episodes of a fight, be unhappy, or cry in the marriage, but we grip on God's covenant. That this is a lifetime marriage, and we commit to be God's possession and build a Godly family. 

Only the spiritually mature people in Jesus Christ can comprehend the concept of agape love. There is no more love as 'stupid' (or you can say naive) as agape love. You sacrifice and give the best effort you can, genuinely. Marriage is not only what I want, or what the spouse wants, but what God wants. This concept is abstract for people who do not know who Jesus is as God and savior. 

Even I recently realized and grasped the meaning of Agape love and its importance in marriage. After 30 years + in my life, I got this enlightenment by pondering what exactly went wrong and why people did divorce. Because it is out of my mind, if people marry because of love, what went wrong? This question has disturbed me for years. 

It is interesting that now I understand that God let me have these 11 years of spiritual learning. I believe my future husband also went through the same journey as me. The fall and rise episodes of our life. The pondering questions why God allowed such things to happen in our lives. If God is here and with me, why do I have to suffer those other challenging life stages? 

He learned as much as I learned until God said that we are prepared and ready to meet in our kairos (Godly time). If people asked me before what kind of man I am interested in, I used to answer the intelligent and Christian (religion-based only) man. However, now I realize the priority is now changed: for me to be a Jesus Follower who obeys God's words and learn to love my future husband in agape love.

God will fulfill the rest.

Jakarta, 27 July 2022.