Friska Notes

I was sick. I have been away from my dearest friends and uncomfortable sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. I wanted to be alone. I found my mind is the safest and most comfortable place to be with. Not even God can answer my restlessness. I wanted to be alone. Period. 

I had sleeping difficulties for months. I had weird timing of sleeping, and it ruined my health mentally and physically. It has worsened my situation. These three months have been tough for me. At the beginning of January, God showed me that I would travel somewhere away from home. I want to stay home and not go anywhere; I am OK and happy to be back in Jakarta. I am no longer interested in traveling, not even checking the flight promotional price, and not interested in renewing my passport. My goal is to stay at home. 

However, God is the one who has the sovereignty; when God got plans for us, they will happen no matter what. God directs me to go outside Java island, to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah (Borneo island - Malaysia). This trip is memorable because I have no plans, even with my expired passport. Moreover, I was in an unwell mental condition. Actually, I needed help, but I could not ask for it. I have learned to depend on myself and God all my life. 

My coordinator sent me to the Asia Pacific teachers' conference, located in Kota Kinabalu, and one of their topics is librarianship. The school asked me to be there for 4 days, at the same time as our mid-term break. I told my coordinator I might need time to renew my passport, which was done in time. I know I want to spend the Sunday service in the local church. I had an incredible experience having the church service in Kalkuta, Manila, and Singapore before. Therefore, I have to be there earlier before the conference, and I can't waste time postponing visiting Kota Kinabalu. 

Thus, the school bought me a flight ticket to arrive early, 6 days before the conference, LOL. Once I arrived in Kota Kinabalu, the first thing to do is to find the church to have my Sunday service. I was looking for the oldest church in town, St Michael in Penampang. I thought it was an Anglican church, but it turned out to be Catholic. 

Having the Sunday service there genuinely touched my heart. Because I feel that God truly cares about me. When I feel enough with life, I lock myself out from other people; I want to be alone, but God does not let me do it. He pushed me out of something that I thought was a safe boundary. I feel like God is caring for me, watching me out, holding my hands, always being on my back, telling me, "Titi, you are never alone. I am here." It's truly magnificent. 

I, as a human, have measured my capacity as limited, but God raised me up to let me know that together with him, I am saved. God's plans and love are out of our measurement, out of this world. And this is what I believe as a faith. Thank you, Jesus; I love you worth heartedly. You are my foremost and first priority in life. This is my ground zero, and I am ready to return and face the world. In Jesus' name, I prayed. Amen.

Kota Kinabalu, 19 March 2023

Christianity as Religion ≠ Jesus Follower 

The Destiny 

Why does he have to be a Jesus Follower, not just a religion? 

Agape Love 

The Spiritual Journey 

I find something huge changed in my spiritual journey in these recent years; I learned to understand that God has an excellent pathway for us. You need to have faith and obey. I learned in the most challenging time that even though I want something badly, I always close my prayer by saying, "Thy will be done." 

My Will be Done 

This world tells us that we can be anything that we want. You are your "god" for yourself. You can do anything; nothing can stop you but you. Life is about "I" or "me." This is what I want, and that's what I will have. 

Is this wrong? As part of the positive mindset, it is not bad. However, this 'my will be done' mindset erased God's role and the sovereignty within our life. Will you stop for a while and ask yourself first, is this what I want, or if this is something that God wants to happen in my life? 

Do You Want It or Do You Need It? 

Interestingly, financial tips usually tell us to check again if we want something or need something before deciding to buy it. Now let us put this perspective into our life. Is this something in your prayer that you wish to be part of the world to possess for your benefit, or do you do it because it's what God wants and for His glory? Now, I see things differently. 

The Papua Incident 

I found there was corruption happened in my school in Papua, and I had the evidence. However, that removed principal would return as the principal the following school year. I could not accept this and told myself I could not compromise my values and integrity for evil. I decided not to continue working in that school even though there was no new job offer/vacancies at all. 

I remember crying in front of my PC in the library when I knew I would no longer work in that school. I prayed that God might open the way for me to find a new job, and I asked God if I still can work in Papua. 

It was tough because I love Papua wholeheartedly. I had my spiritual growth in Papua, and I love Papua so much. I wanted to be there in Papua permanently. I thought of building a youth or social community foundation in Papua, but I would begin it from scratch by having none to support me. I applied to several schools in Papua province, looking for a job as a librarian, where I believed that I had a compelling CV. However, none call me, not even for an interview. 

I sent some applications also for schools in Malaysia and Singapore and somehow found an international school in Batam (Batam is the border from Indonesia to Malaysia and Singapore). It was challenging to have the interview with my school in Batam because I was in Jayapura, where we had limited internet connection and 2 hours difference. 

There was no news from the school in Batam or other schools in Papua, and we had our end-of-school-year departing with the students. In my prayer and frequently crying, I asked God if I could work in Papua. However, I learned to believe in God's plan and always close my prayer by saying, "Thy will be done." 

Later, in the mid-week of June, I was confirmed that I was accepted in Batam. They issued my flight ticket and waited for me to arrive at the beginning of July. It was a 'coincidence' that I visited Batam for a project in 2012. Therefore, I already knew what Batam looked like, and going there would not be something to worry about. I told my family about this all things after everything settled down. They did not know about my situation at all. I did not want to make them worry. 

Even though I wanted to stay permanently in Papua, God told me that I was needed in Batam. That was what God wanted. True, in my three years in Batam, I evolved. Pustakawan Mendunia was born, I had my spiritual journey, and I found the church that helped me grow. Out of my mind, I won the award as the first winner, Pustakawan Berprestasi Provinsi Kepulauan Riau. 

The Scholarship 

When I wanted to apply for a scholarship overseas, I asked God if this was something that I wanted or if God desired it. For my part, I did the best for the application and requirements and let the rest upon God. I thought I applied four times to Korea, the USA (twice), and New Zealand, but none even called me for an interview. Was I sad? For sure, I was disappointed. Not even one interview I have been called. However, I wonder if this is something I want or if God's in my life? I reflect again on my motivation why I was applying for the scholarship? 

My goal is to foster the love of reading in children in Indonesia. I am not interested in staying permanently overseas because I know the one who needs help is Indonesia's children. I am on the way to that destination through Pustakawan Mendunia. I think having a degree from overseas will be helpful for the growth of Pustakawan Mendunia, and I will gain more expertise in that field and build networking to support its growth. 

The Job 

Currently, my brother is studying overseas, and it may be difficult for me to leave the country. Someone needs to be in charge of the situation at home, and that's one of the important reasons I think why God opened the door for me to return to Jakarta. I was not looking for a job in Jakarta; I did not want it. I felt like my life was okay in Batam; I got promoted, and I still had challenges to nail for my libraries in Batam. I love visiting Singapore and having the church service there. I have good friends and networking in Singapore and Malaysia. I prefer, and for sure, I want to stay permanently in Singapore. That's what I want. 

However, God told me that what I wanted was not what I needed. The job offers came from India, Cambodia, Jakarta, and Australia (the same month I arrived in Jakarta). I prayed for these job offers, and the job offer in Jakarta asked me to be there ASAP. Meanwhile, we were in the middle of the school's accreditation from our international program. 

I prayed and said that if this job offer came from God, God would make way for me to return home or lead me somewhere according to God's plan. However, I could not hurt my integrity in my work and leave my school in Batam in the middle of accreditation. Therefore, I rejected the work offer in Jakarta. 

God indeed made a way. The job offer was still there for me, and they said to wait for me after I was done with the school accreditation in Batam. Hallelujah. I did not even bother to ask about the salary or facilities offered by that school in Jakarta and to compare because I know no money can buy my integrity. 

When the HRD staff from my school in Jakarta told me they would wait for me, I cried in my prayer. Therefore I know that my returning to Jakarta is not something that happened because I wanted it, but because I am needed, God wants me to be closer to my family here in Jakarta. 

The Future Spouse 

I want him! HAHAHA. However, does God want him to be my husband and me to be his wife? 

Part of God's Kingdom and for His Glory 

I think from these three stories of my life; that God always shows me that God knows what I need to support God's plan for His Kingdom and glory. My life and pathways are not just happening like that. My pathway is part of God's plan for His Kingdom and glory. 

How do you know your pathway according to God's Kingdom and glory? Set up your standard and values in Jesus Christ. 

Be honest with yourself. Are your prayers only for material things and your benefit? Are you blinded by your desire and wants? Do you let yourself open your eyes and listen to God's voice about what God wants in your life? Be honest and have the humility that our capacity as human is limited. We can make our best effort but put the rest on God. Have faith that God always knows what the best for us. Close your prayers by saying, "Thy will be done." Wish we shared the same pathway for God's Kingdom on Earth. 

God bless you. 

Jakarta, 26 July 2022.

Human salvation is a gift given by God. It is not something that can be bought by money, not human effort. My pastor often keeps saying we are saved by grace through faith. 

There are two common perspectives of Christians seeing themselves, the one who feels righteous and the one who feels sinful. The one who feels righteous would think that they are okay, follow God's words, give charity, and help people. They do not kill people, do not rape people, do not steal; they are not drunkards, do not have a drug addiction, etc. 

Meanwhile, those who feel sinful think there is no more God's mercy. What they have done was too evil; they are cursed, and later on, being ignorant about their salvation, they do not give a f*ck and want to pass day by day, doing their best. 

We tend to see the past, regret things that we could not change, and not see any possibility if there is hope, there is a meaning in those painful journeys, and we still can hope to see the bright future ahead. I can write this because I experience it myself. 

The Dark Side 

I thought about suicide in my teenage and frequently asked myself why I needed to be born in this world? I could not see the future at all. I could only see the present moment and the past. I was away from God; I stopped visiting the church and thought there was no value in attending church. I believe God is everywhere and not limited to a tiny building called a church. 

I am blessed to be a strong-minded teen and used my brain to do something beneficial in my future life: reading. Reading and books saved me; at least they distracted my complicated mind into something positive. However, my dark side stayed for years until I worked in Papua. 

The Miracle 

In Papua, God gave me a second chance. God showed me the experience of being loved completely, unconditionally. I found God's love through my students and the kids I met in Papua. God showed me how this ugly dark evil thought me transformed by God's love. This tiny little dust of me could be a blessing for simple things I shared through my job and voluntary actions in Papua. 

This miracle moment, God's second chance, changed me to be a different person. I keep asking myself before doing something if this is something right? If this is something that God wants in my life? I put God into consideration before making decisions. It is totally different compared to the dark side previous me. 

The journey is still going on. However, in my time of exile, I read and watched two stories of people from the Bible who also received the blessing of a second chance from God. They are Peter and Paul, the apostles.

Peter Denied Jesus

The Road of Damascus 

Hopeless Romantic 

I watched Hollywood romantic comedies like You've Got Mail, Kate & Leopold, French Kiss, Pretty Woman, Notting Hill, Autumn in New York, and Serendipity years ago in my teenage. They are my favorite. I think deep inside; there is something left inside me that I am waiting for that special moment to happen in my life. 

However, my cousin once said that I shouldn't watch Korean dramas to prevent me from getting too much into romantic feelings rather than using my brain. He told me this golden advice when I was in Papua, maybe around 2017. I have not watched Korean drama or any Holywood romantic drama for five years. 

I am busy and have a lot of things to do, and watching movies has never been my priority. I do not need to buy a television in my dorm or subscribe to any movie channel. I might watch blockbuster movies in the movie theater, but something like Joker or Parasite, lol. Therefore, my life is relatively safe from this unuseful thought about romance, etc., for these five years, until.. 

Yes, 'until'.. You read it well, hahaha. 

The Question 

At this moment, I am kind of close with this kind-hearted man, and I kept asking myself about my feelings. What is this? Where my value in seeing a relationship is Agape Love, I kept asking myself if this feeling coming from God or what? 

Why Do People Fall in Love? 

Years ago, I had this depth discussion with my best friend and asked him what made people fall in love? I stared at our motorcycle helmets in his home, and I told him that from many motorcycle helmets in this world, I could not explain why I only liked this (my) yellow helmet. It had lost twice, but I kept buying the same helmet.

Meanwhile, I know in several cases, many people do not get married to people that they fall in love with. Therefore, I concluded that falling in love is a fate, but getting married to whom is your (own) decision. However, I asked again, why? Why do people fall in love with someone they could not be with? Why do people need to fall in love? Why does it have to happen? 

I was thinking hard that night; I believed it was around midnight because we were in the middle of working on a project for our community. My friends and I slept over in his home. That me-time and depth conversation at the perfect time inspired me to the answer: God let people fall in love to understand how much God loves you. From a Christian perspective, how much Jesus sacrifices for us. I was in awe when I found the answer. 

People say that love makes you stupid, love makes you sacrifice, and for sure, you can never be able to choose with whom you fall in love. You fall in love randomly. You might be with this person for years, not feeling anything at all, or maybe something might happen later. Or else, you just met this person in a brief time, and there will be something. You never know. 

Falling in love is destined by God.

Please note that those discussions I had with my best friend happened years ago when I was in Papua. I almost forgot about how significant the falling in love feeling is. I tend to close my heart and prioritize my brain more to protect myself from unnecessary romantic drama. I did it well for five years until love knocked at the door. 

Notting Hill 

Here in my exile, I watch the movie recommendation by Netflix, two movies that used to be my favorite: Notting Hill and Serendipity. In Notting Hill, William Thacker (Hugh Grant) almost made a mistake by rejecting Anna Scott's (Julia Roberts) love confession. 

This is what he said: 

"The thing is, with you I'm in real danger. ... but my relatively inexperienced heart would I fear not recover if I was, once again, cast aside as I would absolutely expect to be.... " 

William Thacker is me who was afraid to fall in love and perfectly said; I fear that my inexperienced heart would not recover if something terrible happened in the future. I have never been in love, and I better keep my love safe for my future husband. 

I kept his lines in my mind and wondered what made William Thacker and Anna Scott fall in love. What exactly truly happened? While listening to When You Say Nothing at All from Ronan Keating as Nothing Hill's OST, I repeatedly think about the question over and over again. The movie told me you could love someone even by saying nothing at all. In the Notting Hill movie, the lead actors never said, "I love you," but they knew each other's feelings.

Serendipity 

This movie made the "worst" impact on me. 

Seven years after their brief meeting, Jonathan Trager (John Cusack) and Sara Thomas (Kate Beckinsale) could not forget each other. They were in a relationship, but they knew their current partner was not the 'one'. 

They were engaged and in the week will get married with different partner, but still, Jon and Sara questioned themselves. If their current partner was the 'one', why did they keep looking for each other, Jon looked for Sara, and Sara looked for John? 

It seemed that Jon failed to find Sara, and Sara failed to find Jon, but the two of them were sure that they could not lie to their feeling, and they broke up their engagement with their partner. Later, Jon and Sara found each other again in the ice rink, and everything restarted. What made them crazy about each other, even after seven years? The answer is because they knew!

Sara: You don't have to understand. You just have to have faith. 

Jonathan: Faith in what? 

Sara: Destiny

Both Jonathan and Sara could get married to their engaged partner at that moment, but was that something that they desired?

Life after the Movie 

Now, back to reality, which is life after the 'movie'. Is there such thing as a happily ever after for both couples, William Thacker & Julia Roberts and Jonathan Trager & Sara Thomas? Both of them are married in the movie but will it last? None can answer because it's fiction. 

How many people were married because of the feeling of falling in love as the priority? Love comes first. I do strongly agree about that. I also could not imagine being married to someone I do not love. However, seeing the statistics of a divorcee in this current time, should not we ask the same question, why? 

If love becomes the first reason and priority of people getting married, what went wrong in the middle of the journey? 

If Sara in Serendipity believes in destiny, I believe in God. 

Falling in love is destined by God but getting married is your own decision. These are my consideration:

• Is there anyone who asked God from all my Holywood favorite movies I have mentioned above?
• Do they pray to God? 
• Do they check what's God will? 
• Is this man someone 'destined' to be my lifetime partner? 
• Do we have the same vision in life, having the life with the same purpose to build a Godly family?

The Happily Ever After 

This movie stops at the stage where we think it is the happily ever after. But we know the challenges and the life homework are waiting in the marriage, aren't they? This is the ugly truth of reality. 

My happily ever after is when I know my "job" in this world is fulfilled, and I am returned to my eternal home, Jesus Christ. The world is full of suffering, but with Jesus Christ, I found my never-ending joy; I have the hope this my short life is worthwhile. Happiness comes from inside me, from how I know myself and see life. 

Having a life partner is a bonus; to know that both of us (my future spouse and I) have a lifetime partner to go through this journey together towards God. But my happiness source does not come from other people; it always comes from God. Therefore, I believe it is our responsibility to feel content about ourselves first before we can take care of other people. 

You can't hurry and target any marriage for this year, next year, or some years, or get married only to please your parents and society. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and the journey will not be short; it is a long life. Make sure you marry someone you love and both of you have the same direction in life. Getting married because of love only is not enough.

I genuinely hope you also find your happily ever after, and do not afraid to fall in love. 

Jakarta, 23 July 2022. 

The Questions 

Emotional Intelligence

What Happened If I Were Married 11 Years Ago

God Understands 

The Pain 

However, let's discuss more why there is pain or, in other words, unhappiness. Based on C.S. Lewis's book The Problem of Pain, by having pain, we will experience having God in the most challenging time.

Moreover, Jesus said it is difficult for wealthy people to enter the kingdom in heaven. It doesn't mean it is impossible, but he said it is difficult because their eyes are blinded by wealth. Everything can be bought by money, money has power, and nothing is impossible by money. This kind of mindset drives people away from God. God is no longer needed for people with this mindset. 

23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." (Matthew 19:23) 

I think most Christians know about the concept of pain and how we understand that money is the new mammon/idol. You can close your eyes, be silent and not speak anything, or not do anything even when you know something is wrong. 

Therefore I believe to "scare" humans to do the right thing only using the concept of sins, or if you are doing this, you will go to hell/heaven, would not be a depth help to advance our civilization better. People will quickly quiver when faced with a real deal of problems. 

Understanding who you are will give you a strong self-concept and dignity, and you will have this no-money-can-buy-me concept. It is not easy because you will frequently have a decision that is not popular in the commoners' sight. 

The Common Sense + Jesus 

In my case, I will not only use my common sense but also my values in what Jesus said as my moral pathway and to be in that lonely samurai way with God. 

If we read what happened with Job in the Old Testament, it was interesting to know how God let Job experience suffering and loss. Job even said that death is better than being alive. I think Job's chapter is really fit and can help people who are depressed and suffering. He and his friends asked many questions about suffering and why it happened to Job. I think their conversation is almost like a philosophy class. You need to read the whole chapters!

From Job's time until now, the pain and sufferings are with humans. Many people ask if God is here and God is that GOOD, why does God let pain, suffering, death, and wars exist on the Earth? If you depend on your efforts, no human efforts can bring joy and peace to your life. Life is full of worries and evil.

However, having Jesus and God's covenant brings hope for humanity. That God is God of justice. Jesus always becomes my first supporter of life. He loves me abundantly, unconditionally. Therefore, I am no longer out of number, how many decisions I have made because I hold to my values as God's daughter. 

I used common sense but anchored my values based on what Jesus said. My honesty, dignity, and respect for human life are something that can't be bargained for. And this is what I am proud of, no-money-can-buy-me-mentality. I find this is rare because most people compromise their values for money, power, greed, or lust. 

Jesus = Hope 

Many people critique the Old Testament, which seemed no longer contextual in our time today. However, I learned that Old Testament is like a history book that records what happened in the past and what we can learn from it. Jesus comes to this life as part of God's covenant. Having Jesus means you have hope. 

I think I had depression when I was a teenager and could not imagine my life without Jesus. Without Jesus, I will lose my moral compass and might run away to the dark forces. Having Jesus, in my most challenging time, I have hope, that God loves me and be with me within my life struggles. 

Without Jesus, life will be chaotic, and I do not see there is the harm in doing kindness to people around you. Compared to the geniuses who created weapons or nuclear bombs. They are smarties people, but their values is not based on Jesus. This is what I regret the most—these smarties people who have a limited capacity of love for the human race. 

Let's break this evil circle, share the love and kindness, and it all begins with each of us. 

Jakarta, 19 July 2022

I just finished reading a difficult book called "What is History?" by Edward Hallett Carr. The book was published in 1961 and not written easy-to-read format for current people in 2022. I am so sorry. I would not give any conclusion or promote the book to you, but I will emphasize two exciting points from the book. 

The History 

Carr told us, "imagine the past remember the future." He shared how historians write history by having no idea about what happened in the past (just prediction), and by considering what happened now and through the future, they have the guideline on where to begin their research and writing. 

Reflecting on my previous writing, Know Yourself, this is one thing that I learned about myself: That we are the product of our decisions, nature, and nurture. You will understand more about yourself by learning about your history, where you are coming from, the culture, and family background. 

For example, to learn where my feminist perspective comes from, I understand that I am fighting for the patriarchy of Bataknese. By understanding that this is a culture that coming ancient for hundred years, there is nothing much I can do. Therefore, better to decide to limit my Bataknese circle and experiences. 

Another thing is to understand why my imperfect parents' characters are like that and how they were nurtured. Finding your family genealogy, understanding who your grandparents are, and the vital, essential factors occured in the family tree can also help you understand your upbringing. 

The Values 

Carr wrote, "Facts cannot be derived from values... A clue to this problem of facts and values is provided by our ordinary use of the word "truth"-a word which straddles the world of fact and the world of value and is made up of elements of both." 

It means we need to be able to see that facts can be seen differently by people with different values. For example, most people of Indonesia can accept the patriarchy because they value that man has to be the leader. Men have the ultimate voice and opinion to be heard; women do not. 

The 'Truth'? 

Which one is the truth? Men as the ultimate leader or equality between men and women to speak and have an opinion? They are talking about the same concept, the fact of patriarchy. Still, because I reflect on my history and upbringing, I know that I choose the equality of gender in marriage. 

Therefore, there is no point in debating the same fact when you know you and the other side have a different value. From the agnostic/atheist perspective, the big bang theory just happened like that, and that's how the universe is there. Vice versa, for me, I believe there is a life after the big bang theory (because Genesis 1: 3 said, "And God said, Let there be light: and there was light."). However, I believe that the universe is here not just happened like that; there is God's purpose. 

We talk about the same fact, The Big Bang Theory, but because we have different values, we will interpret this 'fact'/data as our truth (differently). Therefore, I think the world will be better if we appreciate that everyone is different and we have different values in seeing many things in life. 

We can't force people to accept the same 'truth' as what we have. We can find the same common ground, that we are talking about the same fact but interpret the fact/data with different values. However, I still emphasize that humanity has some universal moral code, and we can use it as the bridge between our conversations in this diverse community.

Check on Your History 

If you want to know more about yourself, recheck your family history and learn where your values are coming from. Life will not be that complicated anymore, and it will be easier for you to accept yourself as it is or if you genuinely want to change your current life. The choice is yours!

Jakarta, 17 July 2022.

Ah, I am always blessed in my church Sunday service. Last Sunday, we read Luke 10:25-37 about a question a young man gave to Jesus: "Who is our neighbor?" to inherit eternal life.

Jesus always wants to know us more by not directly answering the question but by asking another question, "What is written in the law? How readest thou?" He asked, what is written in the (Jewish) law and how is your comprehension about it, what you have read about it? Interesting, isn't it?

Know Yourself

How many minutes do we spend reading the bible or having the thirst to learn more about God? Do we feel enough just visiting the church on Sunday, listening to the preacher, and taking the message as motivational training? 

My latest writing mostly talks about, ask, and you will find, my experience having the bible studies and my encounter with three churches as my path to be more like Jesus. My previous post was about knowing yourself, and in a way, to understand yourself, you need to understand where you are coming from, what you are doing here on Earth, and what your purpose is to be here, on Earth. 

And to understand these all things, you need to back to your root. If you believe in God, then it is a good starting point. You can ask yourself, why do you believe in God? Why do you practice any religious tradition, etc? Do you do that because your parents telling you to do that? Or just because everyone else in the family has this same religion? 

Do you feel fed up with this hypocrisy and tend to choose to be an agnostic/atheist without anyone knowing? (FYI, In Indonesia, you need to select at least one religion, or else you are breaking the law. I am serious; this is not a joke). 

You can choose the not-so-easy way by asking these complicated questions to yourself and trying to find the answers, or just being ignorant and leaving everything else out there. In my case, I have been looking for a solution to my questions for five years, and I believe it will be a lifelong lesson.

And the easiest way for everyone to begin is to read their Bible. 

The Bible Version 

Unfortunately, I do not know what happened in Indonesia, but we have the standard Bible in Bahasa Indonesia. Why do I mean with the standard Bible? It is only printed without any details for the commentary in the footnotes. 

Reading the Bible by yourself usually is not easy. First, the Bible in Bahasa Indonesia typically uses a different meaning than the English version. Even the Bible has a lot of English version translations. What will happen with the Bahasa Indonesia version, where our Bahasa Indonesia words are also limited in vocabulary? 

The more you read it yourself without the guide, then you will be confused. You will have many questions but none to help explain the answers to you. Therefore, you need guidance in reading your Bible. Usually, having a bible studies group in the church will be very helpful. However, based on my life experience, after 30 years more church service, only a church in Singapore can answer my need to have the depth of bible studies. What happens with churches in Indonesia? 

Rolling in the Deep 

The problem in Indonesia, people are not comfortable when someone questions their faith and religion, including if you ask yourself. I find it ridiculous. To who else can you be the most honest about the true you if it is not yourself? That is the core question, to know yourself. 

Therefore in most churches in Indonesia, if people have a bible study, usually they will learn one part of the Bible to be discussed. Maybe one or two people will testify about what happened in their life and how God blessed them. But, let's put it straight if someone can be confident to explain why Jesus is God and Savior, not just because of faith? 

How can you make it accountable and have strong reasoning about Jesus as God and savior? I would not say that faith is not enough. Faith is enough for us, but we need to feed our minds. How can you be confident to be there in the materialistic world between the wolves if you can't have a solid ground about it? 

I never find any church as crazy as my church in Singapore, which lets their church member have the wild question session in our bible studies group, ask anything, let me repeat, ANYTHING you find weird while reading your Bible. 

Why is our pastor that confident? And he can explain almost everything based on the Scripture, not only answering, "Because I have a faith." Moreover, he appreciates every weird question we have and guides us patiently to learn about God's Words. The most important thing is that if there is a matter about the church denomination's beliefs, he never states the ULTIMATE answer and points out that other churches are wrong. He answered, "This is what we believe as Presbyterian." That's all. 

And he is not a person who takes a phrase or two from the Bible to support the answer. He shows the whole part of the Scripture and even gives us a reference to which book or based on whose scholar can help that view. This amazing man is truly become a blessing for us, especially me. Even though I am not a Singaporean, somehow, God answered my prayer and guided me to go to that church! 

FYI, he has a postdoctoral degree in Theology from Trinity College in the USA. He used his brain well and was a dean at Singapore Bible College. Teaching is one of his callings. 

Learning about the Core 

Now, my reflection, what happened in Indonesia? What makes us left behind in unity as Christians in Indonesia? We have a lot of denominations here in Indonesia, and kinds of churches based on local tribes, and everyone has their doctrines and bible school, which say their truth is the ULTIMATE truth. Period. 

This is weird, where Christians are more open to unbelievers than the same Christians but come from different denominations. Who made the curriculum in pastoral education? That is a big question why we can't make a curriculum that can bridge the gap between the church denominations? 

Everyone needs to point out that my denomination has the ULTIMATE truth, and you are not. Why could not you answer calmly, this is what we believe as this denomination, but we are on the same ground as Christian, that we are loved and saved by the grace of Jesus Christ. 

In the worse case, the church is not brave enough to encourage the young people criticize what they have read in the Bible. You need to read and have faith 100% in it—no need to use your brain. No wonder many Jesus' followers left their faith or married the unbelievers because they had no idea about the core of being Jesus' followers. Why is it so precious and irreplaceable by anything in the world? 

Prepare the Pathway 

Allow the kids to ask questions, and give them the confidence to ask anything from the Bible. You, as adults, need to equip yourself and put some effort into finding yourself first; therefore, you can provide the pathway for anyone who asks the same questions. 

Read your Bible 

In my case, I am blessed to be able to have my Bible with commentary, which is constructive in understanding the bible context while I read it. 

Find a Bible Study Group

I would not recommend having the independent bible study group. But find someone who is a scholar—a pastor who learned the Scripture for years and is wise. 

"Because what is the point of knowing who Jesus is, but you can't be a blessing to someone else and do not give a positive impact in your community?" This is what my pastor usually said. 

Back to Jesus' question, before you ask a question to God, ask yourself first, Have you read the Bible? How much effort do you give to know Jesus more? 

God bless you, and please, open your Bible. 

Jakarta, 15 July 2022.

The Talk

I am always blessed to be able to connect to people who are generous, kindhearted, humble, but deep in thought. I never necessarily look for them, but somehow we always find each other. My circle and friends are broad and come from various backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs.   

I also like to travel and meet new people, and having a conversation with strangers is effortless. From the hawker streets sellers, security officers, taxi drivers, and so on. However, I always know to whom I might continue the conversation and dig deeper or stop. Therefore, I have a lot of talk memories stored in my head, lol.   

Anyway, one or two deep conversations might stay longer and appear in my mind on odd occasions. In this exile time, I had one conversation with a colleague at school that lingered in my mind this afternoon. In that rare moment, in the middle of our hectic hours at school, this teacher and I occasionally had a chit-chat in the library, and we just connected quickly.   

The Friend-'Cousin'

Even though he is an expatriate, he is a devoted Muslim with a broad mind. He reads books like chewing bubble gum, lol. Therefore, our fundamental values between Muslims and Christians are almost similar, but at least, because of his broad view and his readings, he understands most Christian's values. Let's say he is like a distant cousin of me lah, lol.   

I was curious to know his family background because his smartness is really really impressive. I have to emphasize the "really" words here twice, lol. FYI, most of my colleagues are super brainy people. I think our HRD Manager has done a terrific job finding us all. Makasih Ibu L :D  

My Life Blueprint

Back to my conversation with this friend, I told him this is how I understand myself. I can trace my life blueprint by knowing my family background and heritage. It's just like collecting little puzzles, what defines me as Friska today. Therefore, I always make it a habit that whenever I read a terrific book, I will trace down who is the book writer and read the details about that person. Also, it will be the same for other aspects of my life. Whenever I find someone engaging to be learned, I will Google more about that person.

I told this friend how I learned about myself today by tracing my ancestry and finding the little secret story about my grandparents in the old times. That's also when I realize how Bataknese patriarchy stays strong until now, and nothing we can do about that (We had discussed this on a different occasion).  

By knowing yourself, you can accept who you are and understand where "this you" come from. You can understand yourself and reflect and check the tendency in your genealogy if there are some traits/habits/characters you need to remove from your life or accept. As a bonus, you will also question who God is and your purpose in life. I think it will be a never-ending search, hahaha.   

The Conversation

It was a long opening conversation before I asked my friend about his family background, and he was amazed to know the preamble, lol. He stared at me for a while, and surprisingly he said,  

"Ah, then it's just like what Socrates say, Gnothi Seauton."  

"What did Socrates say? I can't recall, Gnoti, what?" 

"Gnothi Seauton, know thyself, γνῶθι σεαυτόν. That's what Socrates said. It was in latin." 

"I know Socrates was a philosopher, but I do not know he said that!" I was too surprised and blushed. 

It is fantastic to realize how my wandering mind is in the (almost) same frequency as the prominent philosopher of the world, Socrates, lol. 

"Then, what is happiness for you?" 

"I believe happiness comes when you know yourself and accept who you are." 

"How do you know about yourself?" 

"Keep asking yourself, questioning yourself, just like what I am doing right now." I laughed super hard, again, hahaha.  

Again, he looked at me surprisedly; he could not figure out why it looked fast and easy for me to answer that life depth philosophy question confidently. The words just came out of my mouth, just like that. I was too surprised when I reflected again on my way home that afternoon. How come?  

It is what I like about having a deep talk with someone. It's like a hook for an enlightenment. You will always learn something. You know someone better, but you learn more about yourself. Thanks to my friend and the conversation with him, I learn to appreciate myself more and I think that I am on the right track :D  

FYI, I rarely read philosophy books. The first and last philosophy book I read was Sophie's World, years ago in college. However, my lifelong habit of questioning myself, reflecting, and being analytical about what I read, listen to, or watch, has been forever with me. I can interpret a familiar fiction story differently than other friends who happened to be reading the same book.   

I love doing it. For me, finding myself is a joyful journey. I hope you, too having fun on the same ride as me. I am truly blessed, thank you Jesus!     

Jakarta, 12 July 2022.

My First Crush

Fast forward to 2021 

Back to Jakarta 

Holy Ghost Speaks 

Contact the First Crush 

Joyful!  

I have shared with you that I rarely post any book reviews on this blog. I put most of my book reviews in my Goodreads account. He Came to Set the Captives Free, which Rebecca Brown Yoder wrote, is one of the extraordinary books that I think is essential for me to share through my blog. 

What is so special about this book? 

First of all, I am pretty romantic with the way I got a beautiful book recommended to read. There is always a story behind the most amazing book I have read. He Came to Set the Captives Free was recommended by my church pastor (which I haven't shared with you in detail) in our bible studies last week. 

I searched for the book through Amazon Store on my Kindle. However, the book is not available to be bought in Indonesia. Unfortunately, I had to download the pirated ebook, but I promised to buy the printed copies from the US and forward the books to my Christian circle. 

When I read the first cover of the book, something inside me spoke that this was not an ordinary book. Therefore, I knew I needed to pray and ask God to protect me and help me understand the book's content. Whenever I stopped reading the book, I would have the same prayer before rereading the book. 

Was I becoming very paranoid? Pray before reading the book, and you will understand what I said. 

The Story is About... 

He Came to Set the Captives Free is a non-fiction story from a Christian doctor who had a close relationship with God and kept bringing her patients in prayer. 

By reading this book, you will understand that Christianity is not a religion but a way of life. How do you have a total commitment to have Jesus, the savior, as your priority and to avoid life from sins. Satan used our sins as his gate to enter and destroy our life. 

Even though having a life free of sins seems impossible, Jesus's death on the cross forgives every sin. As long you admit what you've done is wrong in front of Jesus, have a close relationship with Jesus, and repent, not do the same mistake again. 

The author gave us the testimony of what she had done in the way of helping the top bride of Satan who repented into Jesus Christ, our savior. From the description, we know that Satan is near us, in our daily life, even in places you never thought of before, i.e., the church and music rock band.

Will you sacrifice for others who you know in the battle with Satan? Are you willing to pray, fast, and share shelter for the captives who need freedom and needed to be saved by Jesus, our Savior? 

The Reflection 

The book struck me and made me reflect, do I have the right choice? Do I have a trusted Christian circle? How about my family? Is there anyone into a contract with Satan? How about my grandparents and ancestors? Was there anyone related to this Satan circle? Am I visiting the right church? 

FYI I am gifted with dreams and interpretation. Occasionally I can have dreams through my sleeping, which usually have a meaning. My mother has the same gift also her uncle. After reading the book, I pray to God to remove any Satanic relation within me in my blood, in the name of Jesus Christ. 

I am more sensitive now and check 'new' information which looks and sounds like Christian values. Is it true for Jesus Christ's glory or just a disguise from Satan? 

Satan's Disguise 

Primbon, Horoscope, Zodiac, Palmistry, Hypnotherapy, and the World Meditation (which asked you to empty your mind, I had a terrible experience with this too) are not Christianity values. Heresy is anything that does not put God as the first ruler and priority in our life. 

'Christian' Meditation 

Moreover, do you know why I am writing this in the middle of the night, at 2 am? I woke up from the bad dreams of listening to the acclaimed Christian meditation, which is popular on Youtube and Spotify. Once I woke up, I shouted in the name of Jesus Christ to stop what Satan wanted to do and to break anything evil that tried to enter my mind. 

I checked again about this 'Christian' meditation company, but there is no detailed information about who they are. It is suspicious and also dangerous. You do not know what words or something infiltrated your mind in the middle of your sleeping. I also checked the words spoken in that Christian meditation I listened to halfway, which said to ask 'God' to present in our dream. 

If you are a Jesus follower, you will understand that it is not required for us "see" God with our visible eyes. John 20:29 said, "Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” What is essential for us, the Jesus' Followers is that we know God loves us. Jesus' death on the cross and his resurrection to redeem us from sinful life. 

I wonder who this 'god' is mentioned in this 'Christian' meditation Youtube channel. Thank you to God who awakens me from this Satan's disguise. FYI this is not the first time of me listening to this 'Christian' meditation program. However, at this moment, I am in a time of fasting and prayer to be able to listen to God's voice. God let me understand His message, in part of me also finding and reading Rebecca Brown Yoder's book He Came to Set the Captives Free. 

Satan's Followers in the Church 

I also found what Rebecca said about Satan's followers who are involved in church is a match. We have read news of pastors who failed to be a sample of God's representatives on Earth. They abuse their fame and charm into wealth and adultery. Be careful when you know the new church who put their pastors in the spotlight, only telling you the prosperity gospel and sharing motivational speech but lack in prayer groups and bible studies, not acclaim that Jesus Christ is our savior and redeemer. 

Also, be careful with the ability to speak in the tongue if there is none to interpret it. Always check your bible yourself if the pastor told you a bible verse. Be diligent in reading the bible and have a close relationship with God. 

Ambiguous 'god' in the Song's Lyric 

I also checked the phenomenon of young people coming to a 'Christian' concert. Do they sing the Christian values lyrics? Does it mention Jesus Christ as the savior, or is it ambiguous who is mentioned in the song's lyrics? 

I can't tell you her name, but I found a singer who created songs and sang Christian lyrics, but it is ambiguous who is the 'You' she mentioned. Why could she not say it bluntly and out of loud it is Jesus Christ, the Savior? 

And, of course, we need to filter out song lyrics that we know already have curses and bad words. We are what we read and what we listen to. It created bad influences on our life. 

Godly Offspring 

Can you imagine how difficult it is to build a family and raise children in this world if our family does not have a close relationship with Jesus Christ, our savior? Therefore, choose your partner carefully, and make sure two of you understand the marriage's purpose and why we need to remain close to God. 

With God, everything is possible! Thank you, Rebecca Brown Yoder, who wrote this beautiful book, an essential book to read by people who claim to be Jesus' followers. I am grateful that God came across my pathway to being able to read this book at the right time and opened my "eyes" about the Satan's disguise in this world. 

In Jesus' name, by Jesus' blood on the cross, we are the winner. God is the ultimate truth, ruler, and the Universe's most powerful force.

Jakarta. 7 July 2022