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| My face when I had the writer's block |
Welcome to 6th day Blogger Perempuan Network (BPN) Challenge with today's theme is : 5th fact about yourself. Honestly, in my opinion, this is the most difficult topic compare to other 29 themes of the month. As you see above, that is my troublesome face when I have a writer's block to compose today's theme. I sat in front of my laptop for an hour doing nothing but confused hahaha.
However, time always move forward! I have to accomplish the challenge. Lets discuss first why this theme is difficult for me.
Who am I?
I think about myself as a complex human being, who has specific multi-trait characteristic, even I am still learning about myself. Apparently, being the real you is not easy. I always have a battle between my logic and my heart plus sometimes intuition might intrude in the middle.
After all these mosaic of life and character I have, I have to put only 5 facts about me? Which one you need to know, the best side or the bad ones? Hahahaha. Surely I am puzzled...
Learning about self is always interesting for me, and it's very important. Self reflection always can help you see life and problems you have from different perspective. Then how you describe this one self as by 5 facts only? Those are not enough, since to know a human being better, you need to peel his/her back one layer at time. Just like an onion. This is a quote I get from movie "The Blind Side" :)
After all these mosaic of life and character I have, I have to put only 5 facts about me? Which one you need to know, the best side or the bad ones? Hahahaha. Surely I am puzzled...
Learning about self is always interesting for me, and it's very important. Self reflection always can help you see life and problems you have from different perspective. Then how you describe this one self as by 5 facts only? Those are not enough, since to know a human being better, you need to peel his/her back one layer at time. Just like an onion. This is a quote I get from movie "The Blind Side" :)
Let me do ...
Press the Pause Button to Think about 5 Layers of Me
Ok. After the contemplation time, I prefer to explain 5 layers of me where people don't understand / know about me. How about that? Because if it is only description such as : I like to read books, watching movie etc-those are already found out by my friends, nothing new.
So you will encounter the 5 hidden layers of me below:
1. I am used to hate / put resentment for people
Before, I had someone confessed love for me but I didn't understand why I didn't have any expected response. It felt so flat. I thought what's wrong with me, and the answer was : hate and resentment ruined my life.
I hated those 4 people the most in my life. However, I knew I had to forgive these people if I wished to change my life recovered. After had battle with myself and praying for more than 6 months, I met those 3 people and had discussion with them.
How about the another person? He rejected to meet me, so let God deal with him. I'm already done with my part :) Since then, my life turns lighter, and I am improved to love myself first and others. Such a precious occasion for me.
2. I am used to hate men
I was bullied since primary school to junior high school, mostly by male students. Even though I was born and raised in Jakarta, but my classmates were very naughty and we fought each other. It was difficult, where there was no day I had without worries and hurtful feeling. I protected myself to be strong, and no need of man in my life.
Even though I had terrific high school time, I tend not to believe man until my college time. At that time, I was so lucky to meet a very good male friend. He cared for me as the real me. He saw a person inside of me, not me by appearance.
FYI, my appearance in college was so boyish and scary. I was very very thin, wore black big T-Shirt and black jeans almost every day. Not to mention my sandals and backpack, and those black jacket when I rode Tangguh, my motorcycle. It was a gothic and scary look ever. You wouldn't believe it if you saw the picture before and after me now hahaha. Thank you for my male friend kindness, I began to trust that a good man is truly exist in this pathetic world.
3. I am used to be afraid when we had marriage discussion
I have mistrust issue for man, even worse I claimed I didn't want to get married. You may read it here. I was afraid because I saw a marriage was a trap. Once you were married and married the wrong man, it would be the end of your world. There is no way out.
I am changed when I learned that I need a partner of life. I am a person who think a lot. It is a necessity to have a spare partner to share about many aspect of life. I could not depend on friends because at the end, whatever how good he/she is, he/she is just a friend. We could not expect within this status as a friend, that person can always be here with us in the matter of sadness and happiness.
Parents? I prefer not to bring up problems for parents. We have to make them happy. Brothers/Sisters? At the end, they will build family. A spouse is an answer. Moreover, learning more about bible is very helpful. I learned that marriage is not human final purpose in life.
Marriage is a vision made by husband and wife under God's blessing. There is no use of marriage if husband and wife living apart as I saw in several relationship of my friends. I learned we could not use our ego in marriage. We have to think in this "us" point of view. Where are (we) going? What are (we) going to do? How to raise our future generation who has faith in Jesus Christ?
Those are question we could not answer without God's help and guidance. Build a marriage is never easy, but it is worth the lifetime.
4. I never been in a relationship
I have friends, a lot. Including number of male friends. Some of them are my best friends, but none can surpass this friend zone turns into lover (yet). Moreover, I don't really understand what are those called as strategy for attracting males or else. I have zero knowledge about that. What I believe is just do kindness, nothing is attached.
However, the world see it in different light. Why do you do good and kindness? What is your hidden motive? Do you like me or else? OMG! I am so sorry if you rarely find a woman like me, but this is me. This is how I treat my friendships. I love my friends as a person, whoever they are, and I am willing to help with anything I could.
My prayer to God is, to make me fall in (Eros) love only with a man who will be my future husband. I have a faith God will choose the best man for me. Amen :)
5. I am used to think that I was ugly.
For many years of my life, I never able to say I am beautiful in front of the mirror. I even avoid to see the reflection in front of the mirror. I was that 'sick'. Recently, on 2016 I read a book which has title, "How to be a Lady". The book and my family prayers changed my life! You may read my post about the book here.
So lets say, just this recent 2 years I am able to say I am beautiful and realise I am beautiful. It sounds silly and almost fictional but it's my reality. My friends for sure will recognise the changes, especially for they who haven't meet me before and after 2016.
The Life Surprise
To overcome these 5 layers, I spent years to understand more about me. I have to face my ego, and learned What Would Jesus Do in certain circumstance. Many times when reflected about life, I felt ashamed to myself. That is why I do appreciate my friends' honest life lesson. Those are my treasure for wisdom in life.
So that's why I urge you readers, to always reflect about yourself. Be honest to yourself! Admit it if you have negative side inside you, and challenge yourself to improve it. The 'sick' patient can't be healed if they don't feel they are sick and go to the doctor. So the first thing to do is: press your pause button, stop for a while. Think.
Be open about who you are and what your problem is. Pray. Discuss it with trusted friends who can build you as a better person. Be selective in choosing friends, and get prepared for what the life might surprise you in the future.
I am still on the journey of life and have more layers within me to get improved at. I am confident the road ahead will always have challenge but enrich my life. See you in the next post :)
Hopefully this side B of my life could inspire anyone who read it. Amen.
Batam, 25 November 2018.
Ok. After the contemplation time, I prefer to explain 5 layers of me where people don't understand / know about me. How about that? Because if it is only description such as : I like to read books, watching movie etc-those are already found out by my friends, nothing new.
So you will encounter the 5 hidden layers of me below:
1. I am used to hate / put resentment for people
Before, I had someone confessed love for me but I didn't understand why I didn't have any expected response. It felt so flat. I thought what's wrong with me, and the answer was : hate and resentment ruined my life.
I hated those 4 people the most in my life. However, I knew I had to forgive these people if I wished to change my life recovered. After had battle with myself and praying for more than 6 months, I met those 3 people and had discussion with them.
How about the another person? He rejected to meet me, so let God deal with him. I'm already done with my part :) Since then, my life turns lighter, and I am improved to love myself first and others. Such a precious occasion for me.
2. I am used to hate men
I was bullied since primary school to junior high school, mostly by male students. Even though I was born and raised in Jakarta, but my classmates were very naughty and we fought each other. It was difficult, where there was no day I had without worries and hurtful feeling. I protected myself to be strong, and no need of man in my life.
Even though I had terrific high school time, I tend not to believe man until my college time. At that time, I was so lucky to meet a very good male friend. He cared for me as the real me. He saw a person inside of me, not me by appearance.
FYI, my appearance in college was so boyish and scary. I was very very thin, wore black big T-Shirt and black jeans almost every day. Not to mention my sandals and backpack, and those black jacket when I rode Tangguh, my motorcycle. It was a gothic and scary look ever. You wouldn't believe it if you saw the picture before and after me now hahaha. Thank you for my male friend kindness, I began to trust that a good man is truly exist in this pathetic world.
3. I am used to be afraid when we had marriage discussion
I have mistrust issue for man, even worse I claimed I didn't want to get married. You may read it here. I was afraid because I saw a marriage was a trap. Once you were married and married the wrong man, it would be the end of your world. There is no way out.
I am changed when I learned that I need a partner of life. I am a person who think a lot. It is a necessity to have a spare partner to share about many aspect of life. I could not depend on friends because at the end, whatever how good he/she is, he/she is just a friend. We could not expect within this status as a friend, that person can always be here with us in the matter of sadness and happiness.
Parents? I prefer not to bring up problems for parents. We have to make them happy. Brothers/Sisters? At the end, they will build family. A spouse is an answer. Moreover, learning more about bible is very helpful. I learned that marriage is not human final purpose in life.
Marriage is a vision made by husband and wife under God's blessing. There is no use of marriage if husband and wife living apart as I saw in several relationship of my friends. I learned we could not use our ego in marriage. We have to think in this "us" point of view. Where are (we) going? What are (we) going to do? How to raise our future generation who has faith in Jesus Christ?
Those are question we could not answer without God's help and guidance. Build a marriage is never easy, but it is worth the lifetime.
4. I never been in a relationship
I have friends, a lot. Including number of male friends. Some of them are my best friends, but none can surpass this friend zone turns into lover (yet). Moreover, I don't really understand what are those called as strategy for attracting males or else. I have zero knowledge about that. What I believe is just do kindness, nothing is attached.
However, the world see it in different light. Why do you do good and kindness? What is your hidden motive? Do you like me or else? OMG! I am so sorry if you rarely find a woman like me, but this is me. This is how I treat my friendships. I love my friends as a person, whoever they are, and I am willing to help with anything I could.
My prayer to God is, to make me fall in (Eros) love only with a man who will be my future husband. I have a faith God will choose the best man for me. Amen :)
5. I am used to think that I was ugly.
For many years of my life, I never able to say I am beautiful in front of the mirror. I even avoid to see the reflection in front of the mirror. I was that 'sick'. Recently, on 2016 I read a book which has title, "How to be a Lady". The book and my family prayers changed my life! You may read my post about the book here.
So lets say, just this recent 2 years I am able to say I am beautiful and realise I am beautiful. It sounds silly and almost fictional but it's my reality. My friends for sure will recognise the changes, especially for they who haven't meet me before and after 2016.
The Life Surprise
To overcome these 5 layers, I spent years to understand more about me. I have to face my ego, and learned What Would Jesus Do in certain circumstance. Many times when reflected about life, I felt ashamed to myself. That is why I do appreciate my friends' honest life lesson. Those are my treasure for wisdom in life.
So that's why I urge you readers, to always reflect about yourself. Be honest to yourself! Admit it if you have negative side inside you, and challenge yourself to improve it. The 'sick' patient can't be healed if they don't feel they are sick and go to the doctor. So the first thing to do is: press your pause button, stop for a while. Think.
Be open about who you are and what your problem is. Pray. Discuss it with trusted friends who can build you as a better person. Be selective in choosing friends, and get prepared for what the life might surprise you in the future.
I am still on the journey of life and have more layers within me to get improved at. I am confident the road ahead will always have challenge but enrich my life. See you in the next post :)
Hopefully this side B of my life could inspire anyone who read it. Amen.
Batam, 25 November 2018.
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