My biggest fear

What is my biggest fear? I have to admit it now, that I am really scared to get involved in a thing called "relationship and marriage".

Okay, I think about it over and my relationship scary rate raise about 60%
and the marriage scary rate raise up to 100% HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I had a terrible past life where I can't believe other people easily and that makes me introvert and keeps private my personal and family life. In the past, if I haven't met some fabulous men before, I would said I hate men.
But I realize it's not the men fault, it's just most of them, their personalities. Still exist some good and kind good men around but unfortunately a lot of them married already HAHAHAHAHAHA. Recently, this year, 3 of my friends (girls) married already. Some of other girls envy and become hopeful that someday near, they will be married soon.

My cynical sense just laughing at them inside my introvert thinking. How come you are hoping a marriage with someone good enough if you don't make a move. In Indonesian idiom, it's like "trying for catching the wind". It's impossible. As for me, I am laughing at myself also, that my introvert thinking again said, "you will never go through that such a thing". First, I am afraid of relationship and marriage. Second, somehow I feel marriage is still far away from me. It's just a feeling. But I know it could be true, and it'll need a long long much time for me.

That's why I think an 'open relationship' is a good concept :D

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