Friska Notes

 

The Prayer

For many Christians, we have the proverb said, "Prayer is a Christian breath." I forgot when it happened, but I believe my first prayer was when I was a kid. I was a frequent visitor to Sunday School for many years. Afterward, I make it a habit that I always pray before eating the food and before going to sleep.

However, by the time I learned the wisdom that prayer is not a way of as demand on something we want from God. God has given me a lot of things for me. Most of the things I never planned even never crossed my mind, but God is the provider, and God is the best mastermind of my life planning. 

I learned to humble myself, not to bother God too much for my benefit, and mostly pray for my family and friends. If I pray 'something' for me, I always ask God if this is something that he wants me to do, if this is what God wants in my life, and if it is part of his will and his kingdom master plan. I always close my prayer with "Thy will be done."

The Weird Prayers 

Therefore, I remember having the weird prayers during the most challenging times. Four of the weirdest prayers are: 

1. When I knew I had a complex and stone heart, I prayed to let God soften my heart. 
2. When I am becoming paranoid about falling in love, I pray that God only let me fall in love with the man who will be my husband. 
3. When some of the unbeliever men approached me for romantic moves, I prayed that God would let me use more logic than my feelings. 
4. When I was worried about my registered Bataknese church, I prayed that God would lead me to the good church where I could be planted well.

Whenever I am confused and do not know what to do, I will pray. If I have a question and do not know the answer, I will pray and ask God to help me find the answer. When I am hesitant about something, I will pray and ask God to help me and what decision shall I make. Prayer has become my sanctuary and place to run whenever I face problems for many years.

I can't Pray 

During the last couple of months, I have had someone to be prayed. This person's problem is so complex and challenging, and it is impossible to answer from the human's mere perspective. I only succeeded in praying for this person twice with a peaceful heart. The rest of my prayers went into worries and troubles on my side. Until, at one moment, I gave up on praying. Not only to pray for that person but stop praying on many things. 

I might be able to pray during Sunday's church service but no longer for asking anymore to God. I was disappointed why God let this happen in my life. Several times I only folded both of my hands and only cried without any words coming out. I am so devastated. Where was the old me who always loved to talk and share stories with God? The one who likes to pray whenever I face any problems in my life? I miss the old me.

The Meditation 

Since the spiritual incident last December, I have enjoyed the quality time between God and me. My soul craves that meditation time! Therefore, I know this July holiday, I need this; I will use the time as the quality time meeting with God. 

I rented an apartment in West Jakarta for a month and stayed there, focused on learning about God again, reading my bible, catch up with my Daily Bread (where I also skipped many days/months of it). I signed out from social media, did not open my WhatsApp, and only went out of the building for the church matter. That was the plan. 

By night before leaving my dorm and arriving in the apartment, I prayed to God to bless this meditation journey. I asked God I surrender to whatever God wants in my life, let me listen to what God says and wants in my life, and give me the courage to be able to do His's will. The first night was very challenging. I could not ask for anything else but was only able to pray, "Thy will be done" with tears. 

This Wednesday, I attended the bible studies group meeting through Zoom, which led to the discussion of why someone could not pray. Precisely this is what I am experienced.

Romans 8:26-27 New International Version 26