Friska Notes

2 weeks before I got invitation both by message and an event invitation through facebook to attend a gathering from my past circle of friend. I was thinking that maybe I will not suitable anymore to join that kind of gathering. So I decided not to come to that reunion feast and somehow I questioning myself how they decide to make an invitation because not everybody is invited.

Just a day before the event, the junior member sent me a message to remind me again about the gathering. Because he is a junior and didn't know much about my withdrawal, maybe he doesn't realize about the condition and just invites me according by his phone number list. I was asking him, is it okay if I come to that gathering. And he said why not, just come and gather. I rethinking again that maybe if I don't come it will be the last invitation from them ever (in my batch there less than 20 persons are invited). So I decided to come and like what I was thinking the situation is not very friendly for me individually within my own batch :(

I don't want to think negatively but it's how my sense capturing at the moment. The situation between me and them personally is pretty stiff. That's why I prefer to sit down near my juniors who don't have any pretentious thinking and don't know much about the situation before. At last I can enjoy the event little bit have a chit chat with them. Thanks to you all kids hahahaha, sounds like I am an old man..



The sad thing comes when I see the pictures which uploaded on the facebook tonight. There is our batch and our division pictures together. And so sad to see those smile even I have to grin widely (unfortunately it's not a smile). For me, it's a loss that moment we can't share with our other friends who cut by the system off. I miss them a lot and I feel it will be much happier if they are all gathering together there and take pictures together. I can't blame it to anybody, it's useless :( I have no power there to say anything. I've tried once but no body listen to me and consider it seriously. I can't help anymore. I feel lost right now that I can't protect my friends. I can't defend them. I was too egoistic only thinking about myself and my dumb theses that I just ran away from the situation. I'm sorry for that and too sad for me to admit it, but totally this is one of my big failure ever in my life. I can't help my friends, I can't defend them, I'm not capable to do renewal in our system. I'm nobody there.

I hope one day, we can be mature enough to realize that friendship should not get ended like this. In my point of view, I think we are all friends, it just the system and your own ego who blind the eyes to see the goodness in people. For me, anything you call it, suspension, withdrawal or retirement, it won't broke our friendships. For me you are still my friends whatever people say and opinion. And life is so complex for us to even think more about the ego. Hopefully you will realize it one day and will respect each one of your friend.