Friska Notes

Hmmm what an unexpected theme come out from my mind rite?? Hihihihi. Recently I read a lot of manga in some websites. And all their themes are love. Anything the story goes, how the characters are, its about love and passion to love. Hmm. It makes me think, is it love that everybody looked for??

For me, love, is anything I like to do on my own, anything fulfilled my desire and passion. And to find it in only one person pretty hard to do. To get impressed by someone both easy and hard for me. Easy if you know the 'key' (hihihi, let me keep it to myself); hard, even though you showering me with love and your caring (if you are not hold the 'key'). My critical thinking and some negative interpretation always make me easily to delete someone from my Mr. Right List LOL!! Also I has a very uncommon thinking where is not many people compatible with that nor accepted it. Yeah, I live in some conservative circles. So, somehow in some topics where I have a different point of view, I prefer to shut my mouth. I can't be 100% bold in action and talk for everybody. Maybe only one or two of my friends who know how sharp my mouth and thinking are.

Also, recently, I missed my old crush when I am in college (hohoho) and check out his facebook. And TADAA!! He is going to be married, next month in July. I just find out, that it's pretty shocking for me, that's someone from your past, totally leave you, has another life, and nothing you can do to make you feeling better. Honestly, I'm not in crush anymore with him (note this: CRUSH). It's only a tiny feeling but still I get surprised :S He was deleted from my Mr. Right List because he is a catholic (different from mine). I believe, if it's my way to have a relationship, God will show me a choice that will not disappointed Himself right? Individually, this is my decision and hopefully I still can make it, rite Father?


Also about love, couple months before, for first time in my life, I catched a 'sign', that there was a woman who fall in love with me. Hmm pretty hard topic rite? When I thought about that, I thought maybe it's just my imagination. But day by day, she keep sends me messages and looks like in a flirtatious message. And I stop reply her message and try to avoid her, if she asked me out. Thanks God she seems understand and not disturb me again. The positive point from this affair, it's really SHOCKED ME OUT!! My mind is opened, how come woman fall in love with me. Is there anything wrong with my gesture or what, so that woman can be in love with me?? Where are the men?? Where are them?? Are they think that I am a lesbian? OMG!! Truly this occasion shocks me and keep me wondering. Even I got a consultation from a man, directly, he is a good friend mine. And after a deep chit chat, I know why and how at least not to make me as a lesbian magnet anymore LOL!! (what a term). Actually it's your own decision to be a LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trasgender) or not. But, since I am not a lesbian, it makes me not comfortable to get approached (for love) by a lesbian. It feels same, just like when I was approached by a boy whom I don't like.


After that chit chat, I learn a lot to accept my self more, that I'm woman and nothing can change it :S
Also somehow it's awaken my antenna for capturing some cute and handsome men appereance hohoho. Before, I always the last one to realize a man handsome. WUAKKAKAK!! Also it's awaken my memories in past about some 'weird' behaviors from my classmates in high school. Seemed that he was in crush for me. LOL!! Sorry man, totally I just realize that what you were doing in that time was an approach :D Poor him, yeah I'm pretty ignorant in that kind of thing (approaching to love). Next time you have to tell it bold to me ya. I'm not such an oracle, who know what's your feeling and thinking. And my thinking about relationship is little bit change. Yeah it's only a relationship, doesn't mean I have to get married already to that man. So nothing to be worried much about that. So, if it's my way to have a relationship, with God will, I'm ready. Nothing to lose :)