Defeated by the World

Last night, I went from library with my high school friend. We had a good, funny, and fun conversation. We haven't meet in long time. So a lot of stories to told HAHAHAHA. I took her home first and we still had a chat for 1 hour more lol.. Anyway, some of the conversation was rejoicing and make me glad to have her as a friend. Actually we are very different in physical, gesture-you can say that she is very very feminine, and I am the contrary HAHAHAHAHA. But both of us have a common thing, which is broadness of thinking and easily talk anything in our mind openly :D

One of our conversation that makes me think more, is from her story. She told me that before in our friends farewell party there was something funny about me. Once upon the time, me and a friend-Ms. T were the last ones to come to the farewell party. And I didn't know where exactly the party's held. So that I need a guidance from my friends who've already there. I asked their guidance by phone. I've already understand the road and in front of the alley, I met some of my friends who waiting for me. I was touched.

But, there was a behind story. My friend told me that a friend of us, Mr. D, actually didn't want to wait for me with others in front of the alley. He told my friend that "friska can do it by herself, she is strong" it sounds like a compliment if I translate in English, but in the real Indonesian words, it gave a irony understanding, he said "udahlah, si friska gak usah ditungguin, dia kan kekar". Just do laugh as your wish. But for me it's not funny and it's like an insulting phrase. Better him to say, "I'm lazy to wait for her" than saying that phrase. This story really shocked me out, that once again my analysis and thinking about common people physical taught are right.

There was also a time before, where I knew a friend of mine, Ms. L is a sweet and nice girl. And somehow EVERY MAN is able to help her. She is never has any difficulty with going anywhere and doing anything. All she has to do is ask for help and every man in our class doesn't hesitate to help her. I was wondering in that time, how come?? I compared that with myself, where it's very difficult to ask other help, for woman and man both. And anyone will not hesitate to NOT help me LOL. HAHAHAHA. It's ironic. From that time, I was thinking, why? the answer came and my cynical mind said, "it's because you are not pretty and you are don't have a weak image and needed to help" again, in English term it sounds normal. But in Indonesia terms, it sounds more sarcastic "Itu karena gw gak cakep, dan gak punya kesan lemah dan perlu dibantu". Anyway, it's just my thinking and I never think it's for real until last night.

I feel both happy and disappointed. Happy because another analysis from mine is right. Disappointed to realize that common people are everywhere and they will always think shallow and nothing can change them. That's why I feel like defeated by the world. The world and common people in it, are the winner. I can't do nothing to change them, I have to change to get accepted by the common people or I just stay as I am. If I want to stay as I am, I have to accept: this is the world, there are a lot of common people, nothing can change that. I have to accept everything the way it is and no more complaining about people behavior, even though it hurts me. It's disappointing but I have to accept it. No other choice, such as 'take it or leave it'. Because I can't leave the world forever, except I died lol wkwkwkwkwkwk :D

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