To Know God Personally

How Great is Our God!

Dear faithful readers,

Today sermon in the church, our pastor shared about knowing God personally. Sometimes, people tend to have basic questions about God, like this :

1. Who we are?
2. Who created us?
3. What is our life purpose on Earth?

It means that person doesn't know God yet. Then how to know God better and closer in your life? No other way than reading the bible, keep praying, and learned from the life itself.

Once I have a friend who asked me, who is God? Which God is right? Since my friend is not Christian-based, I didn't know what to answer at that time. I suggested him to meet his religion leader, instead. Moreover, that question still there, haunted me until recently I met my priest in Batam. Furthermore, I met this possibly-turn-into-eros-love-man who really completely changed my life! Now lets discuss about how to know God personally and if I may say, all what happened in my life is the one who shaped me up as today's me.

Too many stories to share, full of enlightenment memory where I believe everyone's story also interesting to be shared with others, right? Lets do it in next writings if the inspiration struck me with luck, or just do it offline hehehe. You may ask me out to grab a coffee and sharing story about life. Anyway I believe that full of painful life in our past will become our lesson in life, to test us, to get us closer to the mighty God.

Thus, read the title of this post once again, "To Know God Personally." We have the word, "Personally". As per today, I joined 3 Whatsapp Groups in relation with church and Christianity but terribly said, honestly I felt troubled. They keep sharing the long to read Whatsapp Message Broadcast where I felt in a blame if I didn't read it and rarely replied for the sender. This message is not for once in a week but almost every day, thank you for caring me so much, friends. However, I love bible words and to know Jesus more, but this broadcast message didn't feel personal. They send it to everyone, the same content without realise or know the message receiver personally.

Read this, I am a person who is really like to help others in my capacity. If I can be a help, I will. But that person shall open a space for me to get in, we know each other personally, not only know who is he or other common information background, but we know what problem we faced or struggled at the moment. When I read something could be (personally) motivate that person, could cheer him up, and be an inspiration for him, definitely I am going to share that good news to him. It because I know him personally, vice versa.

Moreover I also reflected with myself, do I overshare to do it in my facebook? Usually every Sunday, I shared the bible words I get from the church. I think positively, it might inspired people or can give people positive mind. However, I thought after this reflection, there is no use if I just share the good news from bible randomly. Way much better to send it personally to whoever you think might be need it. So that, for a while (I don't know yet until when) I would not send any update status in facebook when I do my devotional time to God or when I go to the church. I am going to send the bible words only for anyone whom I know personally, to make sure it is useful and be a blessing for the readers.

Meanwhile, if you have questions about God, as I do, it is now time for you to reflect about life, read bible, prioritise your devotional time reading bible, pray a lot to God. May you find the experience meeting God personally as I do and keep the faith until the end road of our life journey.

Jesus loves you, always! God bless.


Batam, 30 September 2018, 10.20 WIB

I am Falling in Love, Don't Ask Me Why #hatitatinggaldiPapua

Took picture with my love in Kampung Abar, Jayapura

Dear my loyal readers,

I shared this hastag #hatitatinggaldiPapua innumerably in Facebook, you also may review the Hati tatinggal di Papua song VM here :D It means you left your heart in Papua. I don't know how and why, it just occured. I worked in Timika, Papua for 5 years and traveled to other cities around Papua : Wamena, Manokwari, Jayapura, and Merauke. It affected me that much so that I have to admit: I am falling in love with Papua!

My besties in Timika, the survivors till the end : Sis Esti & Uswa

There should be a remarkable existence about Papua so that I was metamorphosed! I was transfigured splendidly within my remaining time in Papua. I respected and valued life at the most, I was touched by modest thing in life, I felt I am loved, my life is meaningful, I am worthy, how noble these kindhearted people are. They were willing to share anything they had, be my family when I was away from my hometown (5 hours flight to Jakarta), where I encountered my passion, I discovered my home.

However, after 5 years determined for good cause in Timika, I had to pull out an accord. I moved out from my former working institution. I could not reveal the reasons here, based on ethical concern. Do not worry, I did my finest endeavour in working in Papua and made a very logical and firm decision about this. I tried my luck to propose another job in Jayapura but there was no phone call, not even for any interview session. My prayer always there, no day spent in Timika without prayer, I really wish I could reside and work in Papua. I sealed all my prayers with "Thy will be done."

Unchanging love :*

I see, it seemed abstract for some of you, but that's how I viewed life. We, could requested any substance and material which we assumed we desire it, or essential for our life. However, God's intention for each of us is more than that. Our purpose living in this Earth is so GRAND! You can never predicted or even imagine, God ALWAYS arrange something GREAT for each of us, as long you are doing positive things in life genuinely, be honest, and put a lot of effort in anything you work at. It looks like an utopia for some people, but that's what I believe for years.

When God answered my prayer that I have to relocate to Batam, what can I do but accepted it? I put my faith in God, God promote something GREAT for me, whatever it is. Even though until the day I am writing this post, I declare myself repeatedly, I couldn't make headway from Papua. I am FALLING in LOVE with Papua.

Hilarious point about love is, we can never predestine with what (or whom) we may fall in love. It's not me who choose want to fall in love with Papua. Never, I just got into curiosity in 2013. I visited and traveled 4 main islands in Indonesia : Sumatera, Kalimantan, Java (for sure), Sulawesi but not Papua (yet, at the moment). Moreover working as librarian and did voluntary actions in Papua education unquestionably forged me, and voila I identified my passion!

Books & Library Week 2017

First time arrived in Timika, I was brokenhearted. I had no confidence to trust anyone. I thought I was going to work as a librarian professionally, managed the library only. However, my principal asked me to do additional assignment, it was something never explained to me in the beginning. I have to manage a library session for every grade, including the parallel classroom, from kindergarten until junior high school (grade 9). I felt deceived, because I was not expecting this, and I had no experience to work in a school. My previous working institution was in the office special library and records management area.

I forced myself, I had to master this! I researched through the internet, and I was blessed to have a very good friend, Rabbi Ade who gave me a sample of library skill syllabus from USA. I learned, even lucky enough to had Kurikulum 2013 training which uncovered my creativity. There are a lot of improvements you can develop through library session, to increase students fondness in reading. That was how I developed my skills and passions in literacy.

Then, how about my broken heart?

Jelita, my inspirator in Kampung Abar, Jayapura

My brokenhearted curer is the children's genuine love. I treasured it! It is marvellous how children could love us! We are someone who they do not know (we are not their family or relatives), but they love us, unconditionally. Children's pure love surely heals the brokenhearted T.T

My five years in Papua is so momentous and deeply meaningful in my life which I can never forget T.T

Furthermore, I have to face the reality now. I moved to Batam since July 2018 and have not decided yet how long I am going to sojourn in Batam. What can I do in my limited capacity and power to fulfil what my heart always craving for? My love to Papua? Hopefully this is not the end, but it turns out to be a comma... and have a trust God strengthen me in order to pursuing God's GRAND design in my life.

Jesus loves you, Thy will be done :*


Batam, 25 September 2018, 00.10 (GMT +7)

How You Manage Your Eros Love

Dear readers,

Who knows one day I could writing something like this in positive light, compare to my previous post here 10 years ago. Many things happened in my life, especially when I worked and stayed in Papua. It really enriched my life.

I am sorry, I admit, I rarely share anything here. More active in facebook, twitter, and recently just open my account in Instagram. Many interesting stories, incident, or inspiration moment were share in those channels. Promise me, I am going to share stories more in this beloved blog hehehe.

I am going to share a part of me, newest to learn. It's love. Once again, I am sorry if you feel there is a missing link about what happened before so that I can reach this point. Promise you, will explain one by one later, terribly sorry!

Love. L-O-V-E.

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

That's what Nat King Cole said haha! Anyway, what I really want to share with you here is something grand within. God's LOVE. Jesus' love. God's love is eternal and unconditional for anyone of us, the sinner.

You may want to discuss, how about our parents' love? Don't you think it's marvellous and unconditional? Yes, our parents love is so grand but it's conditional only for us, their children. For others' children? They might be have limitation.

Moreover, I am challenged to see nothing can beat God's love to us, God's creations, especially human. What shall we do then? To be loved by God first, when you realise this, you can feel it, your cup is full! That's why it's such a joyful thing for me if I can share this happiness cup to others, as long as I can be a help for someone. Nothing attached! You love it, name it, you can help? Then just do it. I don't really sure when this enlightenment did happen. But I am sure it happened while I was working in Papua.

This faith becomes my philosophy in life. Just do good, nothing attached. But in a way, people don't understand and tend to have bad thought if I have hidden motivation. Poor thing. For a once in my life I never have any bad intention to anyone. Then what do I do for them who have bad thought about me? I left them. I feel tired about all those conflicts, even I was attacked in ill manner. Whatever else they think about me, let them be. If they think it's important to them, they shall put their assumption aside, and ask me. If not, it would be their problem then.

Anyway, back to our topic today about this unconditional love. It is including about the eros-love. What I notice from many brokenhearted stories or my almost experience (read this : almost :p) people tend to be hurt if they are expecting for something. Usually people prioritise do kindness only for people they like or love. Weird concept for me. I can not do that.

My backpacking journey for 55 days in China here, blesses me a lot! What I believe is, to help people if you can help. That's it! But now, when I am interested in a man (it might turn into eros-love), what shall I do? Hahaha..

When you like someone, deep down inside you know you wish, he could be that ONE. The potential mate, to be someone special to accompany to till the end of time, a person called as "Husband". Here we read, "expectation"! As a coming to 30 years living person with have no experience in love, it is not easy. I have no idea how to those funny ridiculous strategy like how to find a boy friend in 30 days, how to attract a guy etc. Hahaha. I do not understand those stuffs :v

What I realise is, if I like someone, I will just do anything my heart says. The problem is, we as woman, shall have dignity. Our actions cannot be misguided as we are the one who chase after man. We have border between this friendship-zone. I cannot pass this certain border we have, expect he is the one who trespass that border and take me out from it. But how if after those time and memory you had, finally you found out he is NOT the ONE?

Meanwhile, I need to take care my heart. It is not possible for me to get interested in more than a man in a same time. My heart could not to that. I have to make sure myself, repeatedly, if he is the ONE or not for a certain of time. If it's ended already, then it's ended. I will need a spare to take a rest, before continue another eros-love journey possibility.

I know myself better, and I am not good in coping with sadness and grief. Really. To lower the damage may cause, I learned, whoever you are interested with (eros-love), just do anything unconditionally. Do not do something because you expect that possibly the ONE is going to return your love, but just do anything you feel it's right, what your heart wants. Make it genuine.

Repeatedly, I always say this to myself, many time, "Do it genuinely". Whenever I will contact this possibly the ONE or meet him, I will repeat these words in mind and my heart. Last night, this man somehow had to upload a picture together with a woman in a very close position in facebook. My friend who knew this felt sorry about me, she tried to cheer me up, tell me I might be hurt. Ridiculously, I was not.

I just curious why he posted the picture in social media meanwhile I believe he already knew that I have a crush in him. Just it.

I submit this matter, and pray for God for months before. I know I can't force someone to like me or not. What I am capable to do, is to be myself. Be the best self of me, do the best while God still give me a chance for living. So what I always praying to God is, let he the chosen ONE, is chosen by God, not by me. I might like someone, but I do not know whether this feeling is reciprocal. Moreover, I do not know whether it's God will to let us together as spouse.

When you put your good heart under God's arm, and trust in God, I believe there is nothing too difficult for us. Keep the faith, Thy will be done, just remind and challenge yourself, to do anything genuine, unconditionally to help people in your power given by God.

Have a good sleep everyone..


Batam, 23 September 2018.