The Matter of Prayer

 

The Prayer

For many Christians, we have the proverb said, "Prayer is a Christian breath." I forgot when it happened, but I believe my first prayer was when I was a kid. I was a frequent visitor to Sunday School for many years. Afterward, I make it a habit that I always pray before eating the food and before going to sleep.

However, by the time I learned the wisdom that prayer is not a way of as demand on something we want from God. God has given me a lot of things for me. Most of the things I never planned even never crossed my mind, but God is the provider, and God is the best mastermind of my life planning. 

I learned to humble myself, not to bother God too much for my benefit, and mostly pray for my family and friends. If I pray 'something' for me, I always ask God if this is something that he wants me to do, if this is what God wants in my life, and if it is part of his will and his kingdom master plan. I always close my prayer with "Thy will be done."

The Weird Prayers 

Therefore, I remember having the weird prayers during the most challenging times. Four of the weirdest prayers are: 

1. When I knew I had a complex and stone heart, I prayed to let God soften my heart. 
2. When I am becoming paranoid about falling in love, I pray that God only let me fall in love with the man who will be my husband. 
3. When some of the unbeliever men approached me for romantic moves, I prayed that God would let me use more logic than my feelings. 
4. When I was worried about my registered Bataknese church, I prayed that God would lead me to the good church where I could be planted well.

Whenever I am confused and do not know what to do, I will pray. If I have a question and do not know the answer, I will pray and ask God to help me find the answer. When I am hesitant about something, I will pray and ask God to help me and what decision shall I make. Prayer has become my sanctuary and place to run whenever I face problems for many years.

I can't Pray 

During the last couple of months, I have had someone to be prayed. This person's problem is so complex and challenging, and it is impossible to answer from the human's mere perspective. I only succeeded in praying for this person twice with a peaceful heart. The rest of my prayers went into worries and troubles on my side. Until, at one moment, I gave up on praying. Not only to pray for that person but stop praying on many things. 

I might be able to pray during Sunday's church service but no longer for asking anymore to God. I was disappointed why God let this happen in my life. Several times I only folded both of my hands and only cried without any words coming out. I am so devastated. Where was the old me who always loved to talk and share stories with God? The one who likes to pray whenever I face any problems in my life? I miss the old me.

The Meditation 

Since the spiritual incident last December, I have enjoyed the quality time between God and me. My soul craves that meditation time! Therefore, I know this July holiday, I need this; I will use the time as the quality time meeting with God. 

I rented an apartment in West Jakarta for a month and stayed there, focused on learning about God again, reading my bible, catch up with my Daily Bread (where I also skipped many days/months of it). I signed out from social media, did not open my WhatsApp, and only went out of the building for the church matter. That was the plan. 

By night before leaving my dorm and arriving in the apartment, I prayed to God to bless this meditation journey. I asked God I surrender to whatever God wants in my life, let me listen to what God says and wants in my life, and give me the courage to be able to do His's will. The first night was very challenging. I could not ask for anything else but was only able to pray, "Thy will be done" with tears. 

This Wednesday, I attended the bible studies group meeting through Zoom, which led to the discussion of why someone could not pray. Precisely this is what I am experienced.

Romans 8:26-27 New International Version 26 

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."

What God Says About Prayer 

My pastor shared this bible verse in our bible studies group, and I was shocked to find the answer. If the Spirit is the one who makes us able to pray, then what I asked in my prayer is against God's will. Holy Spirit is unhappy about my prayer. Deep down inside, maybe I think I pleaded to God to make my wish happen. Just like Aladdin, who asked the Genie to grant his wishes. 

Moreover, I read the book about Unlimiting God, listened to Don Moen's song, "God Will Make a Way", and watched Don Moen's sharing about perspective, I know I was wrong. We are not capable of reading God's master planning. I force my narrow-sighted vision to God's unlimited perspective. I limit God in my prayers, and this is my huge mistake! 

When I pray "Thy will be done", I have to put the faith that any problems I face now are nothing compared to God's sovereignty and the master plan of our life as part of God's kingdom. I need to learn to have faith in God! 

Thank Jesus for always being there for me; find me the lost sheep again and again.

Jakarta, 29 June 2022.

Sermon on the Mount - The Philosophy

 

Last night I had the Bible Study Group and we discussed about Sermon on the Mount. First of all, Jesus spoke on the mount where was no electricity, microphone, or sound system. However, Jesus' voice reaches into people's heart. Therefore, Jesus was followed by a lot of people on the Mount.

Second, Jesus taught something that never been taught of. Jesus are with sinners, poor people, people who are helpless. His teaching speaks to us, why us Jesus Followers are different with the rest of the world. Therefore, no wonder, if sometimes I feel like a geek or very different compare to people around me. 

Third, these are several points of what Jesus' taught on the Mount (Matthew 5:1-12)

1. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven
2. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
3. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth
4. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled 
5. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy
6. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God
7. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God
8. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Irrational?

If you read these 8 teachings, you may say that they are irrational, and not related one to each other. Out of logic, you may say. However, what I learned from Jesus' sermon on the Mount, it gives humanity a hope for a better future. 

Life is full of uncertainty. None can give you any guarantee that everything will be turn out well, or run as your planned ahead. Even the insurance policy still has a term and condition applied or force major policy, LOL. However, with Jesus, by faith, we are running our time and endeavors with positive mindset that everything will turn out to be okay, as long as we do what God wishes.

Today we might cry, but later on, we will comforted and learn lesson from it. Today we might be humiliated or people let us down, but we learn about humility and forgiveness because of Jesus. Today we might be hungry and have no money at all, but somehow, a way out is prepared by God. We do not have bad intention on people, Jesus protects us and shows us good friends and circle. People spoke ugly about Jesus or being Christians, we learned to accept that the Holy Spirit and this wisdom is for the chosen ones.

Be The Jesus Follower

I would say that becomes Jesus follower is never easy. You will be different from people of the World. Some people might think you are crazy, weirdo, illogical, and why to bother yourselves to follow some rules made by this unseen person. 

However, like my post I was the Lost Sheep, I was lost. However, now I want To be Planted. The way I take decisions is different now. I usually pray and ask God, what shall I do, and ask the Holy Spirit to help me deliver what I meant in words, and to bless the another person (whom I am going to meet), to let that person understands the true intention of my words.

To be a Jesus follower is to know Him personally and it includes to pray, read His Words, read bible, join a bible studies, have a place to ask and discuss your thoughts, and having the supportive community, and the most difficult thing is: to do what God asks you to do, even though it is not easy or against your ego.

But why we bear with it? Because we understand that Jesus has His unconditional love for all people in the World, each one of us. But, do you even recognize Him as your savior? I pray may the Holy Spirit bless you with wisdom to understand this truth. 

Having Jesus in my life giving me strength. Nothing to worry about. My task is to do my best for God's purpose. In this part I am still being tested. 

Jakarta, 2 June 2022