Friska notes

New Job New Challenge New Problems, eh?

2012-02-12T18:42:00.000-08:00

I'm working now in different path of my education. As an administration staff, I have new challenge to be more details in everything, to memorize everything well, acurate in every task I'm doing. It needed high responsive and awarenees in my task and e-mail correspondence.

It's a high risky job for my organization growth. Because every correspondence, flight booking ticket, arrange meeting, even in approaching new candidate for some jobs available in our office are throughout me. The problem is my super big boss is not a royal person. He would reduce as much as he could in employee wages. The other problem is my HR Boss use her connection to approach new employee from her networking and very generous for them.

So, when I saw the lack of experience employee got higher salary offer bigger than me, do you know how I feel? I feel dissapoint! I'm work fuck*n hard, wake up at 6.30 am, go to office at 7.15 am, arrive at office far away from my house at 9.00 am, eat my lunch only for 30 minutes, back from office always above 8 pm, arrive at home very late, have no time for myself, my social life, and no more private time for me, even for reading or open facebook on PC at home. And I got salary 1,5 mio less than the lack of experience employee, not even reach his bachelor degree yet, and it seems he is not smart also, and lazy.

After my 3 months of probation, I'll ask for higher salary. If the management could NOT give it, there is no doubt after finish my working contract here I would leave! If your office couldn't value your job, and they seem close their eyes to see your professional work, and your fuck*n hard effort, just my two cents: GO AWAY FROM THAT H*LL as fast as you could.

New Year New Life

2012-01-25T19:33:00.000-08:00

This early 2012, I have a new job as a business administrator where the subject is very different with my major. Lets say that I have a new life a new path of career. I have to learn a lot, have to be patient dealing with different kind of people in my new office. My working time is from 9 am to 6 pm (and usually working overtime without payment) from Monday to Saturday.

A lot of people asking me, why I want to work in such crazy working hours? Will I regret?

If I think the salary amount only, I will regret. But it's not money I'm looking the most. I'm looking for new experience in new career except as a librarian. Honestly, I'm not stand to work only to do the cataloging all the day. I've done 7000 book input data in my previous work (exclude my internship in university) and I think that it is ENOUGH!

No more input data! I'm only working as librarian where my main job is not only cataloging data. Also because my office field in Tourism I think it will be a good base for me to work in other hospitality and tourism field.

So lets see what will happen throughout this 2012 year since my working contract will be ended at December 1st 2012.

When Money is not Everything

2011-12-14T04:46:00.000-08:00

Hi readers it's a very long time no see and no write in this blog. Let you know that since 1st December 2011, I just moved out from my second place for working to my third place. Before I tell you about my third place for working, let me give a little bit introduce about this my second place.

My second place for working is an oil and gas company where the salary rate is higher from average company. Lets say the medium level contract workers there have a same salary rate with a manager in other company (a non oil and gas company). So lets say the biggest temptation for working in this place is money.

After working for an apprentice program in this company, I realize that salary is not everything. I do acknowledge that we need money for living but for my own standard, I need a place where I can feel safe about my working status and future. I worried about my future where the company couldn't give any statement or even promise about that. So when my 6 months apprentice program is ended-and extended for 3 months working contract, I decide not to ask my boss about my renewal contract, and looked for another job 1 month before it is ended.

Honestly, I do love working there, the workers are friendly and they are seemed enjoying their work (and the paycheck also). But like I said before, I think it's not enough for me (not the amount of money but the future of my working status). More problems, that my core competency, Library and Information Science--where I work there as a librarian is not the main interest of an oil and gas company. So, just my brief sight or supertitious alert that my division, the library could get erased easily from the company structure in the future.

So many worries and it keeps drive me to move out from the company as soon as possible. And in the middle of my task in library last november, somehow I can manage my time to attend some interviews for new job, and voila I just accepted in a new place, a new different kind of job, and this time it's not a librarian. I will tell more about this new job in future posts. But in this meantime, let me say thank you very much for my second place for working.... I learned a lot, to work hard in discipline, could manage my time finish the tasks before deadline, makes me get usual to wake up early in morning (the company working hours is from 7 am to 4 pm)--before I NEVER wake up at 5 am, and of course for other benefits such as the trips go outside Jakarta for meetings and farewell party. Gonna miss this place but yeah, I have to move on looking for more opportunities to keep myself develop. Good bye and thank you. See you somewhere sometime.

Feliz Compleaños para Mi

2011-11-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

Feliz Compleaños para Mi. Happy birthday. Today I become older ands should be more mature than before. So what's the lesson I've been learned for this year?

I become more chill out for every matter. Even in any state of I don't give a shit about anything matters LOL
Focus on my problems and say "adios" for the traitors. They will be staying in my blacklist name for many years *evil me*
Learning to act more polite in office circumstance.Give more respects to other people.
And in a way, still able to express my feeling especially anger and disapointment in elegant way
Learning to love my family more. Blood is thicker than water though.
Treasuring my lovely friends, and just deleting the traitors from my mind forever.
Learning how to react against the playboys. Just realize there are so many playboys born in this world. So we should pick up very carefully which one the sincere man and the casanova.
Less singing in karaoke, maybe less than 5 times karaoke this time
Less wathing movie, but more buying CDs (broke up)!
Bought some good books and still haven't read them all yet. Soon!
Learning more to cook and somehow me and friends won a Korean food cooking competition lately
Somehow, my trip itinerary this year was change totally but I could still figure it out. So, everything is ended happily.
Considering to practice running as my regular sport every week
Decide already that I HAVE TO GO to BUDAPEST!
And still planning for more adventures and more traveling, show me more :D

Is just my luck? (or...)

2011-10-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

In my life, I never believe in luck. I always believe that everything we received in life and opportunity is came from our efforts. So I have a big faith in "No pain No gain" proverbs :D

But how to explains some good things happen to me lately? Some coincidences happened to me. It's hard to believe any coincidences can be happened without a reason *sorry for my stubbornness :p Rather than think it as a X factor luck, I want to keep in mind perhaps that's only a gift from God -for who's trying hard *I'm sure I ever read the last italic words somewhere but I forgot. Or is me who made it? LOL :))

Anway do you want to know what are my luckiness lately?

Right after my work contract on january finished, I got a call from a senior who offer a job in his place? WOW :O
In the spare time between my graduation on February and contract signed-started working on March--I can manage time to travel Dieng-Semarang. Met some good friends and can manage to arrive in Jakarta cheaper (used economy train from Semarang, less than Rp 40.000), and safely.
When my travel time was arrived on April, I can manage to ask permission one day from office for running! Accidentals, I found out my travel time and a running competition in Singapore was on the same date. So, why not take it both and ask permission from office for a running competition? LOL.
When I confused how to take my race kit at Singapore-because I was not there yet, A moderator of my running club post the runners from Indonesia who will join at that Energizer Singapore Night Trail 2011 on our facebook page. Luckily there's an Indonesian who's living in SG, will join the same race, and didn't mind to take my race kit! Praise the Lord!!
In the end of work contract, where I know the work chance to be extended only for 0,5 %... BAAM. The big boss our departement is going to be retired and he wanted us (library) to help him set up his private library. That means a job for me and my work contract is extended LOL.
And how about my travel-after contract ended-plan? It's going well. Why? I was joing another running competition too in Manila HAHAHAHA. It's Rizal 150 fun run, and I had a marvelous time in Philippines with some new friends.
Moreover coincidences are: I met a friend who went to Manila and back to Jakarta exactly at the same date, time, and flight LOL. He became my travelmate to Laoag-Bagui-Vigan-Manila. I also got to know more acquaintances from Jakarta to Manila later. LOL. HHAHAHAHA.
Last coincidence, I and a junior in uni, both bought the same date, same time, same flight ticket to Manila (again) next year. We're still looking for opportunities/options where our journey will be continued.

And hopefully another coincidences and 'luckiness' will come and help me pass through this struggle and full of effort life :D

Run Friska Run

2011-06-09T22:54:00.001-07:00

My first time running training was on 2009. I joined Nike Plus Human Race in Jakarta, October 18th, 2009. I came to their session in my campus, Faculty of Humanities Universitas Indonesia where Sigi Wimala is Nike ambassador. Why am I interested in running? Because it's EASY. You just need to use your running shoes, and that's it! Use your legs and feet, burning up some calories, and yeah you are running now :D

Here was my picture in Run Jakarta 5K

After that, I join several running competitions in Jakarta and overseas (somehow I can manage it). Why am I joining running competition? By joining a run competition, I'll have high spirit to begin my running practice regularly. If I'm not into that run, I'll just stay at my routine activities, eating, working, sleeping, and traveling (though traveling burn out some calories too). By practice running regularly, I want to keep healthy, active, and have good 'savings' for my old age later LOL.

So, how to begin your run, as a very early beginner?

Buy a comfortable running shoes - it doesn't have to be a nike plus or adidas whatever. Just buy a comfort ones, the cheap one. That's all right as long as it's a running shoes. Why a running shoes not some other kind of shoes? Because a running shoes is designed for running and footbal shoes is designed for football LOL. They have different specifications.
Train to walk fast first. For the very early beginner never push yourself too hard. You should make running as a fun activity. Just walk fast for 5-10 minutes for the first days.
Train to run for a very short time and keep the pace relax. After a good warming up, run just for 10-15 minutes. Keep it relax, no pressure.
Try those training for a whole month, and gradually you can add more time and more distance for your running.

I'm a beginner runner also and I still need a lot to motivation for pushing myself practice. Practice makes perfect. After gradually practice, for 1 km, you will feel it's not enough. You will add more distance. After 5km, you will feel it's not enough too. You'll add more.. and so on..

That's how you'll improve your distance, time running, and pace. But it needs time, so don't be very hurry. Just enjoy your running and feel the joy in every race. The distance will never be a big problem.

FYI my longest distance for running is only for 10 km. So, it's still a long and winding road to practice for a marathon.

Keep practice, dude :)

Intolerable people

2011-06-02T22:27:00.000-07:00

In college, I met a good friend where we share the same interests and opinions in common. We have a same level sense of humor, which is very rare to find. Over the time, after 6 years known each other I can feel that we are growing in a very different direction. I just realize that we have a very different point of view about life and how we act to face problems. My hunch said to be careful, there'll be a chance where we have a big argue in the future.

In this situation, at the past, definitely, I just left and played safe, decreased our communication intensity. If I won't do that, then there'll be a big argue between us, and the friendship was broken, even we grew into enemies each other. This is not a supertitious but a logical reasoning I face people whose personality is intolerateable (by my point of view).

So here is the list of intolerable character of people (by my point of view) :

Snob, always delete it from my friendlist. I believe snobbish is people who ungrateful and not feel satisfied with their life but want to be seen perfect.
Underestimate, think low about others. I believe that everyone have their own gifts and there's no one can underestimate others, judging by their education, career, family, and prosperity background. And I believe everyone want to be treated as human.
Humiliation, pick out someone's weakness over and over. Satirize about somebody in front of public or in private conversation. Only the cowards who've done that.
Insincere, doing good things to other but have another purpose. Pretend to be a good friend, just want to take advantage of other people.
Egoistic, only think about themselves, there's no initiative to help other people at all.

In the past, I realized a good friend of mine, Ms. K has 3 of these characteristics (snob, humiliation, and insincere). Before, I thought I can still learn to torelate that. But at the end, we were fighting and our friendship never comes as good as before. We've becomes acquaintance now. Now, I just realize my other friend, Ms. A has 3 of these characteristics (underestimate, humiliation, and egoistic). Couple of times, she's been decieved by outer appearance of people. Few times she's already satirize about me and my life. A lot of numbers she's been so egoistic where I want to explode but I hold myself.

I'm pretty worried because my hunch said to careful befriends with her. I'm worried that there will be a problem where we are fighting and our friendship never recover. I know I can't change people. So the choice is, Take It or Leave It. As simple as that.

A Gift or a Curse?

2011-05-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

I do believe that every human have gifts from God and maybe one of the gifts is the ability to see future or the past or something else. I'm not interested to have this kind of ability since I prefer to have a peaceful life hahaha.

However, I have a hunch to know if someone is sincere or not. I learn it from greetings a lot kind of people, have a tough life, and already backstabbed by people who called themselves as my friends. Those are experiences that make me sensitive to others. Too bad, my sensitiveness grows over emotional everytime I face problems and sadness.

Problems will stick on my head, I'll be dizzy, I can't consentrate, and my mood will be ruined out for day.

Sadness will ruined out my mood, I'll stuck in sadness for days and I'll look for distractions trying to forget it.

It seems like a common symptoms for those problems or sadness. But it feels hurt me a lot and makes me lose my appetite. It ruins my days, my mind will not stop thinking about that for hours and it drives me crazy. This mood changes within too much gap. Hopelessly, sometimes I feel it can't helped. I'm questioned myself, "Am I crazy?". People who are crazy usually never realize that they are crazy rite? So am I? or Will I?

Nowadays caveman said "Staying in kitchen is a women nature" and I said WTF!!

2011-05-23T23:39:00.000-07:00

Working in library will lead me to a lot and different type of people. And today, I just meet one caveman that still alive in Jakarta although he is work in this modern circumstance. He said that he met his wife in college, in the same major. And why women get education into college? It's because they are looking for husband in the college. WTF!!!!!!!!

He said that the women's parent got women (their daughter) into college so that she able to get qualified husband. It means husband who is wealthy and able to support their life both. In reason women's place and nature is the kitchen so women belong in kitchen. WTF!!!!!!

It's one of the biggest humiliation I ever heard in my life, right in front of my face! I tried to tell him that it's not true that women get into college for husband. For example, myself. In my whole life, never pass that kind of imagination into my head. I believe that I go to college for myself, for my benefits, for my future life so I am able to live well. I said that to him. But when he said more ridicilous thing about women belong in the kitchen, I lost my mind. I was so angry and that's why I tried so hard to remain my lips silent. One word from me will lead a quarrel because that caveman is not even want to see or hear about other people opinion.

Whereas, I wanted to yell at him and said do you think Eve was born in the kitchen?? So why do you think women place is in the kitchen???? If it's happened in your wife case just be it! It's your wife life and decision. But it's not all women life. I take a pity on that caveman that he has a very shallow sight and tought about life and women. Shame on him!

Peaceful Dieng--free and easy :p

2011-05-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

At least, and finally. I've graduated from my major in last February 2011. It's over. All my stress is gone, and I had no other business with that God damn*d papers anymore LOL. At the same time my work contract was ended in January and I got a new job began this March. So, I only had 'spare' time for having fun in the last weeks of February. I've spent time in February working on my graduation papers, paying my motorcycle taxes, and renewal my passport for my trip plan on April. Still, I wanted to have a vacation after all the stress I had.

The problem was, I was only able to have fun after the second week of February. So I decided to travel nearby Jakarta. With my friend, named Rosa we decided to go to Dieng, and continue our journey to Yogyakarta. Through CS, I asked for more travelmates and I met Desy. Desy wanted to go to Dieng, Semarang then Yogyakarta. She has friends in Semarang and Yogyakarta and asked them for a couch. Because I've already gone to Yogyakarta and this is the first time Ocha to travel around Java, so we changed the itinerary became Dieng-Semarang-Yogyakarta. Though, because my limited time, I only able to join them at Semarang.

So, we gathered at Jakarta Lebak Bulus bus terminal station waiting for Sinar Jaya bus to Wonosobo at 5 pm. I've already bought our tickets a day before. It costed Rp 75.000 each person. Around 12 am the bus stopped in Brebes so that the passengers could have dinner and used the restroom. The food was delicious and most importantly it was warm. We only had 30 minutes for that and the bus should continue the journey. At 4 am we arrived in Wonosobo bus station and a lot of calo alias panders were waiting for us. LOL. It's still dark and we felt pretty unsafe to continue our journey where a lot of panders around early in the morning. We sat and drank coffee in a small stall there and had conversation with the seller. Her name is Ibu Ani. Surprisingly, Ibu Ani is a researcher and a writer for farms in Wonosobo. Her husband is a musician and sometimes perform in Jakarta. She is very kind even offered us to stay in her house. Too bad her house is kind far from Dieng. She helped us to reject nuisance from the panders. They are never give up, believe me!

So, after 6.30 am we continue our journey to Dieng using a minivan twice and we arrived in Bu Jono Guesthouse. It's very easy to find it. Everybody know Bu Jono Guesthouse, just mention it to the driver. It's the first guesthostel in Dieng, so it's very old even the owner Bu Jono already passed away. We arrived there around 9 am and we were starving. We ate the fried rice there and the taste hmm ... surprisingly even I can cook better than that! LOL. We booked a room for three of us, and we got the spring bed bedroom. The rate is cheap especially we splited it for three persons. After unpacked our bags in our room, we walked around Dieng....

We visited a primary public school and the students are very friendly :D And we continue our walk around. We visited Telaga Warna (Colorful Lake). Telaga Warna have a tortoise color water if you are seeing it from the top of the mountain. So you need a little effort to hike. The color come from the high composition of sulfur beneath the lake. I think Telaga Warna is pretty same like the Tagatay in Philippines.

Another place to visit after that is Dieng Plateu Theater. They play a movie about Dieng and don't worry they have subtitle in English. It explains us about Dieng as the number 1 potato plants in Indonesia and how the sulfur gases already killed people in the past. So becareful if there's warning about high increasing sulfur gasses around. It's poisonous. Not far from the Dieng Plateu Theater, there are some caves that unfortunately, most locals using that for some supernatural meditation. It's not like the buddhist meditation where are you look for peacefulness and happiness. But it looks for fortune from the 'dark side'. Just translate it into your own comprehension :p Anyway, I little bit terrified to walk around the caves and not brave enough to take a pose in front of the cave.

Other interesting place in Dieng are the Candi's. They have a lot of candi's and if you are little bit difficult to find transportation to visit all the candi's, just visit the Candi Arjuna. There are some candi's around the Candi Arjuna, so just think you have already visited the rest of the Candi. Btw don't imagine the candi is big like the Borobudur. It's very small, but still it's a candi :D

Actually, you can visit all the Dieng destinations by cycle. It's nearby go around Dieng by vehicle but pretty far away if you are trying to walk around. If you can manage to bring along bicycle that'll be perfect. And why you should choose Dieng as a destination?

It's not far away from Jakarta. If you are using the 8 pm bus from Lebak Bulus bus terminal, you'll arrive at 4 am the day after
The air is SUPER FRESH. Let me make it bold here, it's SUPER FRESH.
People in Dieng and Wonosobo are SUPER FRIENDLY and everything there is cheaper (based on Jakarta live expenses)
Even you can try to hitchhike there, it's SUPER SAFE. Three of us, like you see on the picture (me-Desy-Ocha) can hitchhike safely from Dieng-Wonosobo even continue our journey to Semarang.

Please come to Dieng, Wonosobo and enjoy your time as much as I had. Don't forget to bring your jacket, it's freezing there. Good bye Dieng, glad to visit youuu :D

The love I'll never know

2011-05-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

Here is a real story from a freelance journalist named Mandy Appleyard, about the love as a mother she'll never know.

The world's worst party was in full swing, and there I was, standing in a roomful of 40 people wishing I were anywhere but there. The music was bad, the food worse, and all the guests were married with children and engaged in conversation about family life.
Since I am neither married nor a mother, I had little to offer the conversation. ‘So, I hear you’re a career woman.’ What sounded like an accusation was being made by a corpulent guest I’d never met before – a plain woman in beige who looked like she badly needed a holiday. I replied that yes, I was a journalist.
‘Don’t take this the wrong way,’ she continued, ‘but I can’t understand why a woman would ever choose work over family life. It must be such a lonely life without children. What’s the reason to get up every day? I don’t want to sound rude, but you must become so selfish when you’ve only yourself to think of.’

--Little bit different in Indonesia, where people take pity on women who don't married.

I resisted the urge to soak the ghastly woman in Rioja and instead left the party, hurt, and astounded by just how vicious people can be. I don’t need others to make cruel comments about my not having children, I have spent the past ten years conjuring up enough agony of my own on the subject.
I know, for example, that not being a mother means there is a part of me which remains unused, a love that will be forever unexpressed. I know that what any mother describes as the most profound love she has ever known is, to me, a locked door — there is so much love I will never be able to give, wisdom and understanding I cannot share, shelter and solace I cannot provide.

I never expected to find myself in agreement with Ann Widdecombe on anything, yet I realised when she said last week that her most profound regret is never having had children, that we have something very important in common.
Like her, I didn’t plan it this way; I made no choice to be childless. Like so many other women of my generation, born in the Sixties when the fashionable wisdom was that women should postpone marriage and motherhood to forge careers, I left it too late to have a family. I always assumed it would happen at some stage, but I never gave it the focus it needed.

As a 20-something woman with the world at her feet, I chose to interpret feminism’s gift as the right to education and a career. Were I offering advice now to the young woman I was then, I would say: ‘If you want to marry and have children in your 20s, that is just as valid a choice as building a career. Don’t be afraid to make up your own mind.’
You see, I never envisaged life without a family. I had three significant relationships in my 20s and 30s, each of which I assumed would lead to marriage and children. My first relationship, with a fellow university student, ended after five years. We were 25, and he wasn’t ready to settle down, so we parted.

At 27, I started seeing the man who was to become my second major boyfriend. We had been together for 18 months when I found out he had been seeing someone else, so I was left with no choice but to end it.
I became involved with a man I was sure would be The One when I was 30. Right partner, right life-stage; what could go wrong? Three years down the line, he announced that he had fallen in love with someone else, and that it was over between us. And so, at the age of 33, I suddenly became single.
The years that followed were some of the most difficult of my life, as close friends married and started families. I watched their lives changing as they swelled with happy pregnancies and welcomed beautiful babies into the world.
I was deeply envious, and hated myself for feeling that way. As they entered a mature and exciting new chapter as parents, I seemed to be flailing around in dating hell, impatient with expectation but nowhere close to finding the man with whom I could settle down and start a family of my own.

By contrast, my career as a journalist was flourishing. I was busy, and relished the variety and challenge of my work. And still, somehow, as the years passed and 40 loomed ever larger, I remained hopeful that I would be a mother one day.
Then a long-lost boyfriend invited me to California for a holiday when I was 38. We had been friends for many years after a brief relationship a decade earlier, and, to our mutual surprise, we rekindled things when we met again. He proposed, and at the age of 39 I resigned from my job in Scotland and moved to San Diego to be with him.
It was all so whirlwind. Within three months I was pregnant; we were surprised, thrilled, and terrified in roughly equal measure. We told the world our happy news, and as the weeks passed and I became aware of subtle changes in my body, it seemed like a miracle that this was happening to me.
In the 12th week of my pregnancy, I miscarried. It was an unthinkable tragedy, and tests could determine no reason why I had lost our baby.
A year later I fell pregnant again, but miscarried at 11 weeks. I had been nervous throughout that pregnancy, and its failure was a grim confirmation of my worst fears.
Both miscarriages were ‘unexplained’, both devastating, and a year later, pushed to the limit by what we had been through, my partner and I separated.
So I arrived back in Britain at 41, alone and realising that my hope of becoming a mother had probably died with that second thwarted pregnancy. A period of depression ensued, in part a response to my loss, but also to what looked like an empty and cruel future.
And so began a personal battle to forge a life in which children would not figure, where I would stand alone in that unfashionable but increasing minority of women who do not have a family.
It seems I am part of a growing phenomenon: one in five women in Britain is childless by the age of 45, with fertility rates at a 44-year low.
The proportion of women without children has almost doubled since the Nineties, and it’s the same story in most other developed nations, including America. Finances play a part in the falling birth rate: many couples now decide against a family, or have only one child, because of the costs involved.

Focusing on a career is the key reason most women don’t have children, but a sociological shift away from the traditional role of mother is another.
In the past, motherhood was inevitable: now it has become a lifestyle choice — and one increasing numbers of women decide against, particularly, statistics reveal, if they are educated. The higher a woman’s income, the less likely she is to have children.
People who don’t know me usually assume, because I have a career and no children, that I chose one over the other, and they therefore feel entitled to make harsh judgments on that basis.
A friend, worried about her young son’s bad behaviour, once said: ‘You wouldn’t understand, you’re not a mother.’ Someone close to me once said I couldn’t have wanted children that much, or I wouldn’t have left it so late. ‘You’ve only yourself to blame,’ she added.
I used to wonder what my children would have looked like, who they would have taken after. Would they have inherited my mother’s beautiful Irish eyes? My father’s dry wit? I dared to think I would have been a good mother, especially when I see the slipshod way many parents raise their children. I like to think I would have been fun but firm, dependable but adventurous, and I hope I would have raised happy children who would have made the world a better place.
I would have taught a son to bake cakes and encouraged him to express his feelings; I would have raised a daughter to be confident and assertive. Idealised notions, perhaps, but those were my dreams.
Dreams that I can’t help replaying in my mind.
We would have gone camping and sailing, I would have hoped to bequeath to my children my love of books, and of the natural world. There would be no television sets in bedrooms nor texting at the dining table, but plenty of time shared with grandparents — my parents, who would have been the best grandmother and grandfather in the world, and for whom my loss is also their loss.
They are tactful on the subject of having no grandchildren because they know it is a source of sadness for me, but I know they feel that gap in their lives very acutely.
I do, however, have two godsons, one 18, one 20, whose lives I have been a significant part of, and who have brought me much joy.
I recently spent an evening with Nicky, the 18-year-old, helping him to write a personal statement for his university application, and felt so proud to be able to help a lovely young man prepare for the next exciting stage of his life.

For a while I contemplated adoption, but as a 40-something single woman who works as a freelance, with all the financial vagaries that entails, I didn’t feel I was in a stable enough position to proceed. I consulted an agency dealing in the adoption of children from overseas, but decided that age and circumstances were against me.
If miscarriage hadn’t stolen my dreams, I would be the mother of a ten-year-old and an 11-year-old, my days and nights moulded by my responsibilities to my children. My life would be mapped out for at least the next seven years; instead, I live a life without maps.

As the years have passed, I have come to terms with my fate and learned to relish its compensations. I have witnessed, albeit third-hand, the long, relentless slog of parenthood, and how thankless it can be.
One friend confides in me, with breath-taking honesty (and in total secrecy) that she wishes she’d never had children, has felt trapped since the day they were born, and envies me my life.
‘Tell me who you’ve interviewed this week!’ ‘Show me your photographs of Patagonia. And what about your plans for that B&B in the Yorkshire Moors?’ she inquires, hungry for tales from the wider world after another day of the domestic drudgery necessitated by her having five children.
I have seen the rigours of raising a family take many couples to the brink, some into the divorce courts. My friends no longer have beautiful babies and entertaining toddlers; they now have truculent teenagers.
Many of them are struggling, financially, to put their children through university or to help them buy their first home, worrying themselves sick about whether their children will find work in these straitened times.
I used to fret about the prospect of a lonely old age when no children or grandchildren will come round to visit, but I have seen enough of other people’s family fall-outs to know that being a parent is no guarantee of companionship in old age.

I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I count my blessings, not least that I have a career I enjoy, and am able to travel widely and often. Not being a mother means I can take on assignments that would otherwise be impossible.

--I love this part

It means I am a free agent. So when I’m invited on a last-minute hiking trip to the Highlands, I can say yes. When a friend says: ‘Let’s climb Kilimanjaro for charity,’ I can say yes.
Some people, like that dreadful woman at the party, will make harsh assumptions about what that means: that I am selfish because I have not known the sacrifices of motherhood. In fact, I use my time wisely and productively, through the voluntary work to which I am committed, the teaching I do, and the love I share with those in my life.
In any case, I don’t believe that having children is an act of selflessness: quite the opposite. Some of the most myopic, self-concerned people I know are parents who cannot see beyond the narrow boundaries of their nuclear family, and who care nothing for those outside their self-begotten world.
My regrets will always linger. My life is a poorer place for not having children, and I am less of a woman for not being a mother. There is a vast realm of experience and growth I will never know.
But I am old enough to have learned that life doesn’t always give us what we want, nor what we might feel we are entitled to. I made some bad choices for which I take full responsibility, but in place of parenthood I have another precious gift, and one I do not underestimate. I have the gift of freedom

Here's the link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1383689/With-unsparing-honesty-woman-lays-bare-regret-having-children.html

And here is her personal page http://themandyappleyard.wordpress.com/

Why is my best friend died - a question I never know the answer

2011-05-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

Since January, I had a pretty bad mood where I always keep wondering about the question "why". Then I remember this is just a mourning as a friend, then how about her family, her boyfriend who are always stand beside her everyday??

My mourning is nothing compare to them. Not only sad, I was also regretting because I was not able to meet her in her final day. Just lately I realize, maybe God has a plan. God wants me to move forward, to be motivated, to fulfilled anything she can't do at this moment anymore. Perhaps God doesn't allow me to see her for the last time because knows how sensitive am I. The good thing I never seen her when she was sick is-I only have memories of our good time together. I only remember her smile, her laugh, and her voice in a happy and healthy condition. Things will be more crazy for me if I see her in sick and pain. I believe watch her felt hurt is worse. That will catch me forever until my own game over as the regretion I've already felt until now.

Just remember one day before her passed away, I had a strong feeling to meet her. But it was lately at night, so I just tried to call her but nobody picked up the phone. Then I sent her sms that I'll drop by at her house at friday. And on friday morning I received a message from other friend and she was already passed away on thursday night. I couldn't believe my eyes and I thougt I was dreaming. I still remember how sunk I was in that day. Horrible.

The first months after she left was very hard. I felt down in many days. I felt uncomfortable, I felt this shouldn't her way to left this word. I kept asked God, "why", "how could You done this?". Five months after her left and a month after her birthday, here I am writing this blog to you, readers.

Farah and her boyfriend, Rimong

She still remains in my heart. I believe she is very happy right now and free from her pain. When I'm feeling sad, when some people called my friends disappointed me, when I had a huge burden, when I miss a lot a friend like her, I'll remember her, her eyes, her face, her smile, her behavior, her favourites, her couragement for me. I owe you so much Novy Farah Margono. Rest in peace ya Farah, we'll meet again someday in the future rite? Love you and miss you a lot my dear friend....

Heavy January

2011-02-06T02:44:00.001-08:00

January just passed by but it felt so heavy for me..

Finally, I finished my final paper with struggle and helps from many people. Thank you so much for God's helps. That burden was released but here came another sadness..

My desk mate in high school died on 6th January 2011. 2 days after my final paper presentation and when I was planned to visit her on 7th January 2011. I came on that Friday for nothing. She was not there anymore, already gone, without I was able to cheer her up, support her to against her disease. Her sudden death totally made me shocked, depressed, and made me thought over about life and my pathway!

My another loss is, mandala air bankruptcy that canceled my trip to Hong Kong also situation in my house became worse. I thought this February will be different. I was wrong. It even worse. Everybody seems easily comes to interrupt my life with suggestion and all of that kind of petuah-petuah.

It becomes burden to me!!!

My life was already felt so unsettled and miserable enough without all of that stuff. I tried not to face that old time problem and pretended just there was nothing happened. But thanks to everybody, by all your interruption, you give me brand new and more burden.

I can't breath, I want to run away and escape. I don't want to go back to that God damned house ever. I want to live by myself. I feel trapped in this situation.

What's wrong with Santa Claus in Indonesia?

2010-12-22T23:18:00.000-08:00

Another crazy insensitive statement from Majel*s Ulam* Indonesia who said "Too Much Christmast in the Malls" What do you say? Let me say this is A JOKE OF THE DAY!!

I'll analyzes it later at home because I'm still at office hours right now. Here's the copy:

The Indonesian Council of Ulema (MUI) has said that the proliferation of Santas, reindeer and twinkly lights in malls and public places has gone too far for the nation’s Muslim majority.

Claiming that the decor has sparked complaints about Christmas overload, the council called on mall managers to consider the feelings of those who do not celebrate Christmas.

“[The decorations] are too demonstrative, and that might incite a counterproductive reaction from the Muslim community,” said Muhyidin Junaidi, one of the council’s chairmen.

He said he had received complaints that some mall employees were even forced to wear Santa Claus costumes against their will.

Such a requirement was unacceptable, he said, since Santa Claus is a symbol for “a certain faith.”

“It would be fine if they were in an area where Muslims are a minority, but they should not forget that they are in a place where Muslims are the majority,” he said.

He acknowledged that the festive tinsel was mainly for promotional and not religious purposes, however.

“But it should not be excessive, otherwise it might hurt the feelings of the Muslim community,” he said.

Syafi’i Anwar, executive director of the International Center for Islam and Pluralism, took exception to the idea, saying that the Christmas trappings around Jakarta were modest and that no one should be offended. The decorations were simply a way to celebrate the holidays, he added.

“After all, the Christian community has the right to celebrate Christmas with joy,” he said, adding that it was normal for malls and public places to have seasonal decorations, whether for Idul Fitri, Chinese New Year or Christmas. He stressed that being open-minded and tolerant was necessary in a diverse country like Indonesia.

“We are not a Muslim country and the practice of religious freedom has been exercised in Indonesia since the days of our forefathers,” he said.

Syafi’i said that despite Indonesia’s democratization, the complaint was worrying if it reflected the decline of religious tolerance in the country and a lack of understanding between different faiths.

Zico Rosano HK, a spokesman for Central Park mall in West Jakarta, said the decorations and costumes were just commercial elements for the Christmas and New Year season, meant to lure shoppers to open their wallets.

“We never intend to Christianize [anyone],” he said, adding that it was normal for mall staff who appear in public, regardless of their religion, to wear costumes in keeping with the commercial spirit of the season.

He said none of the mall’s employees had complained about having to wear Christmas-related costumes and if there were any objections, the employee could be rotated to a different position.

Lifehouse Rocks Jakarta December 4th 2010

2010-12-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

Actually, my purpose to Arthur Guinness Day only for watching Lifehouse!! This old school band didn't mean to be a bored performance. In reverse, it's AWESOMEEEEEEE..

Before I thought they wouldn't sing a lot of songs because Aurthur Guiness Day also had many other musicians, such as Superman is Dead and Rivermaya. So my pessimistic side said, "Oh well, I just have to be happy with only 3-5 songs" But, lucky me and all for the audiences. Lifehouse was very very satisfied us. All of their hits are sung that nite. And totally totally fun. We sang along together with Lifehouse hits, of course YOU AND ME (Argghhhhh), Hanging, Take Me Away, Broken, and Everything. It was so satisfied for us and Lifehouse also. They seem pretty shocked to see almost everybody can sing along with them. I can't take my eyes from Jason. His smile is so cute and his eyes told us that he was very very happy, proud, amaze, and love to perform here in Jakarta. LOVE U SOOOOOOOO.....

Hopefully they will not forget last night performance, remember all the cheers from audiences, feelin our love there. And will come again to Indonesia some time in the future to perform another magnificent beautiful memories of us. LOVE U LIFEHOUSEEEEE

My 29 Gifts

2010-12-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

I had attended one of the most famous talk show in Indonesia, called as Kick Andy. As usual, Andy F. Noya, the host gives each audience one new published book in Indonesia. At that time, the book I got was 29 Gifts keajaiban memberi 29 hari yang mengubah hidup untuk selamanya or the title in English is: 29 Gifts How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life.

The book told us about the writer life, Cami Walker has sclerosis multiple and it affected her life after 4 months marriage. From hopeless life she changes it into a miraculous one and gives joy not only for her but also for people around her. Even she and a lot more people make a community about 29 gifts and the reader was invited to join it also in http://www.29gifts.org/. Reading the book, motivates us to do the same do good deeds in 29 days running continued. I had done it 2 months before but it was not finished. So, I'll begin it from my day 1.

Nov 29th
I was riding my motorcycle and passed an interchange. I saw an old man was pulling a huge cart contains trashes. I stopped in a store nearby, bought one mineral bottle and a bottle of energy drink. I gave them to him. He looked so tired working so hard on the road in the middle of day noon. Hopefully the drink will help him
Nov 30th
One of the clerk in office sells some snacks made by herself. The taste is standard but I still buy it, thought that I'll eat it sometime. Forgot that I had a cough that time. Than kept it for myself, I gave it to one of my colleagues who is a little greedy lol.
December 1st
I had lunch with one of junior in our cafeteria nearby. She didn't have any cash so that she was looking for an ATM. The ATM was not working well and she couldn't take cash money. She asked me to lend her money for lunch. Instead lending her money, I think it's better to treat her lunch.
December 2nd
Remembered at that night that I hadn't made any good deeds that day. I was looking for a way to make a good deed that night. So that, in late at the night, tired after work, riding motorcycle, I went outside the house, bought dinner for people at home. Also I took money from ATM for my mom's. She asked me to take money for our monthly expenses.
December 3rd
I bought a quite big bread for breakfast and had 2 pieces left on my work table. One of the clerk took her spare time in the library and saw my bread. I offered my bread and happily she ate it. On my way home, I forgot to make a good deed and then wondering. Is it count as a good deed either? lol

to be continued..

Why am I writing this blog?

2010-11-28T04:42:00.000-08:00

You can say it, whine, complain, grief, burden, or just want to share anything to anyone, we need an urge to drain it off immediately. For me, it's harder to be honest to yourself than to other people. It's the hardest to face the reality and be blunt honestly about it. As for me, in my 'real' life (I won't say this is the fake one, it's just have a different terms phase) I'm almost honest about anything, what's in my mind, how's my opinion about something, or just to tell or shown it to somebody whether I like someone or not. In other people's thinking I am an extroverted person. I won't said it's totally wrong because in fact I love to meet people and have chit chat a lot.

The condition will be change in contrast for me when it's time for me have to share about my family background. I won't say that I hate my family so much. But there's one or two things (or may be a lot more things) I think other people don't need to know. Too bad here in Indonesia, your business also become ours. Who you are, what do you do for living, how is your family background, etc becomes almost everybody curiosity. Not only asking but people keep also remember it and will ask it again in the next occasion. "hey how's is your mom? your ..." It becomes habitual in Indonesia, keep used to it. In this kind of sh*t I'll turn into introverted mode on.

So why am I keep writing a blog which talk about my deeper inside of thought (but still I didn't tell a lot about my family ya)? I need a refreshment, I need somewhere someplace I can talk anything on my mind without being judged. I do have friends but I think I'm not capable to tell my every story to my friend. Seriously they could be fainted to hear one by one of my babbles. So that's why even though I'm not writing frequently but I do still love this blog. Purposely I write it in English so that my Indonesia fellow will feel lazy to read it on. But I will be felt really appreciated if any Indonesia fellow read my blog and can use their sense. Also, I've deleted this blog link from my facebook page. I've removed it because once I made a kind of 'dangerous' post for common people to read on this blog. Maybe someday I'll put it again after I've brave enough to be read on.

Strangely, it's much more comfortable to get criticized by a stranger than our own friends and relatives.

My biggest fear

2010-11-13T09:01:00.000-08:00

What is my biggest fear? I have to admit it now, that I am really scared to get involved in a thing called "relationship and marriage".

Okay, I think about it over and my relationship scary rate raise about 60%
and the marriage scary rate raise up to 100% HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I had a terrible past life where I can't believe other people easily and that makes me introvert and keeps private my personal and family life. In the past, if I haven't met some fabulous men before, I would said I hate men.
But I realize it's not the men fault, it's just most of them, their personalities. Still exist some good and kind good men around but unfortunately a lot of them married already HAHAHAHAHAHA. Recently, this year, 3 of my friends (girls) married already. Some of other girls envy and become hopeful that someday near, they will be married soon.

My cynical sense just laughing at them inside my introvert thinking. How come you are hoping a marriage with someone good enough if you don't make a move. In Indonesian idiom, it's like "trying for catching the wind". It's impossible. As for me, I am laughing at myself also, that my introvert thinking again said, "you will never go through that such a thing". First, I am afraid of relationship and marriage. Second, somehow I feel marriage is still far away from me. It's just a feeling. But I know it could be true, and it'll need a long long much time for me.

That's why I think an 'open relationship' is a good concept :D

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-11-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to me. Another path of my life have passed. I'm 23 years old right now. It's far enough from being a teenager anymore. But also not old enough to be called as a mature. I'm not a girl not yet a women-Britney Spears said. Good thing to have a birthday in the last time of the year is, I can make an evaluation about my life and think deeply about occasions that happen a long the year. Of course lot of things happen this year. And I could say that 2010 is one of my best time ever.

I learn more about my own character, lesson in life, and new experiences also new friends and surroundings. In ordinary point of view, other can say, my life is not running well and there are some obstacles around. In beginning I'm wondering also, there's 'not-good' things happen in my life. But like I said in the first sentence, it's just an ordinary point of view. It's just me, the ordinary human wasn't understand anything about God's plan. Actually God is awesome, God's plan is marvelous, it's just me who don't understand.

Now, when I did a little flash back, those are good things for me. Those brought me to another journey, grew to develop to be a better person. Made me able to feel more new experiences. Without my past there will no current me now. I'm growing by all the incident whether it looks like good or not. Maybe you have already read my past post in these year, how's my life up and down and the pressure I had before.

It's still a long journey for myself. Not only to be a better person but also to reach my dreams. Also I hope I can help the poor people to develop a better life even though by the smallest action I can pursue. I realize that life is not about only myself. How pitiful if I think that this world is that shallow.

Life is broad, there's a reason why I was born in this earth. I have mission and the mission is not only to have a good education, get a good career, have a wealthy life, married, have children, have grandchildren, and died peacefully. There should be something more than that and I'm still looking for it. Like I said before, it's still a long journey, and quote from The Beatles-It's a long and winding road.

Wish me always the best. Cheers :D

Reunion Feast

2010-08-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

2 weeks before I got invitation both by message and an event invitation through facebook to attend a gathering from my past circle of friend. I was thinking that maybe I will not suitable anymore to join that kind of gathering. So I decided not to come to that reunion feast and somehow I questioning myself how they decide to make an invitation because not everybody is invited.

Just a day before the event, the junior member sent me a message to remind me again about the gathering. Because he is a junior and didn't know much about my withdrawal, maybe he doesn't realize about the condition and just invites me according by his phone number list. I was asking him, is it okay if I come to that gathering. And he said why not, just come and gather. I rethinking again that maybe if I don't come it will be the last invitation from them ever (in my batch there less than 20 persons are invited). So I decided to come and like what I was thinking the situation is not very friendly for me individually within my own batch :(

I don't want to think negatively but it's how my sense capturing at the moment. The situation between me and them personally is pretty stiff. That's why I prefer to sit down near my juniors who don't have any pretentious thinking and don't know much about the situation before. At last I can enjoy the event little bit have a chit chat with them. Thanks to you all kids hahahaha, sounds like I am an old man..

The sad thing comes when I see the pictures which uploaded on the facebook tonight. There is our batch and our division pictures together. And so sad to see those smile even I have to grin widely (unfortunately it's not a smile). For me, it's a loss that moment we can't share with our other friends who cut by the system off. I miss them a lot and I feel it will be much happier if they are all gathering together there and take pictures together. I can't blame it to anybody, it's useless :( I have no power there to say anything. I've tried once but no body listen to me and consider it seriously. I can't help anymore. I feel lost right now that I can't protect my friends. I can't defend them. I was too egoistic only thinking about myself and my dumb theses that I just ran away from the situation. I'm sorry for that and too sad for me to admit it, but totally this is one of my big failure ever in my life. I can't help my friends, I can't defend them, I'm not capable to do renewal in our system. I'm nobody there.

I hope one day, we can be mature enough to realize that friendship should not get ended like this. In my point of view, I think we are all friends, it just the system and your own ego who blind the eyes to see the goodness in people. For me, anything you call it, suspension, withdrawal or retirement, it won't broke our friendships. For me you are still my friends whatever people say and opinion. And life is so complex for us to even think more about the ego. Hopefully you will realize it one day and will respect each one of your friend.

Have Fun at Work

2010-08-26T07:40:00.000-07:00

Before, I have made a post in my multiply blog about my so so life. Because of my theses, I always get scared and not brave enough to face anything new opportunities. I rejected to apply job offers, to take an internship, or to have fun travelling for days. But I still can't take it if I have to face only theses for one term. I thought it will feel like hell if I'm only come outside from house only for research and consultation with lecture. So that I took a Spanish language class at my campus. It's pretty easy and the lecture was great at teaching. I've taken Spanish language class for 2 terms already. Even in my last term I also took a free Portuguese language class in their embassy at Menteng. It was free, and became a reunion with my old friend Syenni also I met new interesting classmates there. Other good point is I became familiar with Menteng area and the roads so that it's pretty easy for me to come home from my work today. I even use the shortcut way HAHAHA.

I admit, took 2 language classes which taken most of my time in a week was very wasteful. I don't have much time for theses. Now, I don't take any classes and even get brave enough to apply some job/internship application. My first application in a flight company was rejected. But last week I got offered for a job-a flexible one in a national commission nearby Manggarai area. The work situation is GREAT, SUPER, very very very friendly, I get lunch there, the time is flexible (minimum 3 workdays in a week), and the payment is pretty good hihihi :)

Surprised to myself, I work very diligent. I'm able to get work on time (before I frequently come late at class), work hard from 9am to 12pm, and continue work again from 1pm to 4 pm. It's fascinating. I don't feel tired even I feel energetic and want to finish my job as soon as possible. Because I realize as soon I finish my job, I can concentrate again on my theses on 100% concentration. One more thing, the food is delicious, and I can eat rice as much as I can hihihi. So I can say, nutrition is guaranteed there, if I need a cup of tea or coffee I'm free to make one for myself. This is my day 3 at work, but I have to come to work again tomorrow because there will be an online catalog training in office. Still I'm happy and enjoy it a lot. Praise the God :))

"Ecclesiastes 3: 3 He has made everything right in its time; but he has made their hearts without knowledge, so that man is unable to see the works of God, from the first to the last."

Long Time No See

2010-08-22T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hi world, long time no see you :)

Lately, I was in a very bad mood, still in my troubles and stressful mode on. One by one my problems are solved and lucky me, I can solve it without make other people fussed over :) yeah at least I guess so hihihi.

Anyway, I still have one big problem where I MUST solve it in no matter of time!! It's my theses or in bahasa Indonesia called as SKRIPSI!! A lot problems come throughout my theses, from the research objects, my lecture who guide my theses and my own psychological problems whom I can't face her by my own. Damn it!! Even though begins a new theses subject is very hard, continue my last subject with that lecture is the worst!!!

Thanks God who answer my pray. Before I thought have I ask my friend who able to see the future to make a decision about my theses subject, should I continue the last or just make a new subject. But deep down in myself, shame on me if I ask such that thing to my friend. It sounds like I depend myself to someone not to God. So in my pray I said, "God please help me decide which one should I choose. I don't want to make you disappointed by asking my friend. I want your help by your blessing. Shame on me if I still asked my superstitious friend." And God answers my pray. I have a chance to do an internship in Komisi Nasional XXX. It's in the library and I think this is the chance for me to find a new subject for my theses and research object at once. I will work from this monday hopefully everything gonna be allright (sounds like a song rite?) hihihi. Wish me always for the best :)

William Albert Audrey

2010-08-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

William Albert Audrey, or other last name such as Andrew or Ardlay is the key character in Candy Candy manga. He was the first character in manga whom I read, and I fell in love with him. He is a dream prince for me. Lucky me at least my prince charming is not like ordinary prince who riding the white horse hahaha. Albert is a free will man, kind hearted, love animals, caring, sweet, and the plus side, he is very very handsome :)

Candy Candy is a story written by Kyoko Mizuki (Keiko Nagita) and the illustration drew by Yumiko Igarashi. First written as a novel, made as manga, then animation. Too bad, there's a conflict between the author and the illustrator so that Candy Candy is out of print. You only can read manga or watch the anime in the last edition. Lucky me, I've collected all 8 from 9 Candy series. Still looking for the number 2. I've missed that number :( I think I will not write a lot about Candy stories here. Because what I want to write right now is about my prince charming William Albert Audrey HAHAHA.

Albert met Candy firstly when Candy was 3 years old, at the the Pony Hill. After that, they both met again in forest near Lakewood where Candy run away from child abuse at her 'foster' parents. Albert helped Candy who almost drown in the lake. He later became Candy foster parent but nobody know the truth until the end of the story. Moreover Albert always appears in the right time and the right place when Candy needed help. He is a gentleman and will make us the reader feel deep sympathy for him hihihi. End of Candy story shows us that Candy and Albert seems will have a furthermore relationship, not as a foster parent and foster child anymore. The story is ended by the fact that Albert is Candy's first love, and I do support that :)) I think no other men will be suitable for Candy, who can accept her and her life sorrow as much as Albert does.

The writer is ended the story just like that without other explanation. That's why the readers such as me, are very curious to know how the story really end. What is Mizuki real idea about the ending. Too bad because of the authority problems, Mizuki is not in a very good mood for writing anymore about Candy :( She wants to get over that. And we all the fans who also suffering here. Thanks to you Irigashi!!! Some fans then, try to make their own fan fiction about Candy. Too bad not many people support Candy-Albert relationship :((
A lot more who support Candy-Terry relationship, even though the manga said that Candy-Terry relationship is ended. Another brokenhearted fan fiction stories even make Albert-Eleonor (Terry's mom) relationship. How could you!!! The other try to make Albert meets other mate which is very similar to Candy's character. I think this one is more appropriate than Albert-Eleonor relationship!!

I read a lot of Candy fan fictions, especially the stories which tell about Albert-Candy hahahaha. But it only in the little amount. Also information about Albert in manga is not very detailed because he is a mysterious man in the manga itself. I had a pretty hard information searching to find more about Albert and his pictures. It looks like the fans in Spain and Japan who made a pretty good writing about Albert and more history about Audrey family. Thanks to Google Translate that help me to understand the information basically. You can check here to know more about Albert.

Identity:

Name: William Albert Audrey / William Albert Andrew/ William Albert Ardlay
Date of birth: June 28, 1890
Hair Color: golden yellow
Eye color: blue sapphire
Height: 1.85 cm
Weight: 75 kg.
Figure: athletic.
Zodiac Sign: Cancer

It has chosen the year of birth, depending on the age of majority (21 years in the U.S.) required for the character might take to Candy, who was 13 at the time of adoption: 1911. So Albert and Candy should be a minimum of eight years. That understanding that adoption is after June 28, 1911. Candy identity data provided by Mizuki in 1977 for the magazine Nakayoshi.

Personality

Albert is the heir to the clan Audrey, unique from all branches of the family, which bears the name. He is responsible for the management and conservation of all heritage of Audrey, as well as assume the leadership of the house, until then held by Elroy. In manga, Albert right hand for Audrey business is George, and their sudden disappearance, probably due to a business, others by the desire to travel.

He is a man of independent character. He loves nature, animals, freedom in general and humans in particular.
It is peaceful, courageous, honest and a person of unimpeachable morals. Quite far from the stereotype of a gentleman conservative early twentieth century, a liberal man today, the champion of equality between men and women, environmentalist, but undeniably romantic and chivalrous. His parents died in unspecified circumstances, and the only person close to him of a certain age is Elroy, petty woman, ambitious, and a moral full of prejudice. All this makes us think that education is falling out of love and its future liability, which leads him to fill the emotional gaps through his love of wildlife.

Anyway, the funny thing is some fans have a pretty wild imagination. We hope that someday Candy Candy can be filmed. And the nomination for Albert cast are : Brad Pitt and Hugh Grant hahaha :)) Like that very much!!

Just for fun, here are some other fans imagination:

Drew Barrymore as Candy

Tom Welling as Anthony

Anne Hathaway as Annie

Ashton Kucher as Archie

Daniel Ratcliffe as Stea

Nicole Kidman as Eleonor

Nice right?? hihihihi Anyway, here are some interesting links whom you can try to read on about Albert:
http://candyandley.hakel.net/personajes_albert.html
http://www.camilliepineiro.com/mapsypsrules/pages/queyquienes.htm
http://candy-blanca.com/quien_es_albert.html
http://www.facebook.com/pages/William-Albert-Andrew-el-mejor-de-todos/104828712890472
http://www.minitokyo.net/William+Albert+Ardlay
http://usuarios.multimania.es/albertcandyworld/_private/lapareja/albert.htm
http://www.candy-blanca.com/albertmania/peligro.htm
http://candyneige.com/encyclopedie/recre/movie/albertmovie.htm
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MyPrince/
http://a-lot-of-candy.candypop.jp/miscellaneousnotes6.htm
http://homepage2.nifty.com/machiboke/uramachi/17.htm
http://www.asminor.info/lady_freckle/fans/cc_aime.htm
http://foroandrew.diaryland.com/waabio.html
http://www.peko-peko.jp/chronology.html
http://profile.ameba.jp/albert-candycandy/

Happy reading :)))

Almost Crazy

2010-08-06T11:35:00.000-07:00

It sounds like a movie title, "Almost Famous" but unfortunately it's not. Recently these past weeks I had a up and down mood changed drastically. A lot of problems at once, it almost made me explode. Even I was pretty worried, was I already crazy at that time or not.

I locked myself in room, didn't go outside house, turned off my hand phone for days, made my any communication device offline, such as Facebook chat, yahoo messenger, and Skype. Truly I was not in a good mood to have a chit chat even in such simple conversation. I didn't want to meet and talk happily with everybody alive. I was depressed enough to write any updates in Facebook. Though I still accessed internet, run away with online manga and gave comments in some interesting case in Facebook.

That's why I left my last blog in title "I'm such a coward" because truthfully I am a coward. I'm not brave enough to face my problems. I thought I can run away from the situation, live in the imagination and dreaming condition. But it's not last long. Time goes by and my problems are not solved yet. The problems there, don't move. Even the situation become more complex because the time is running and counting on.

I can't say that I've healed but I feel little bit better now. At least I realize that time is still there, running, and I have to move on. Nothing else. I can feel that deep down inside I'm still not in recovery condition yet. Once again I have to say to myself, I HAVE TO MOVE ON.. This is the world, you can't change it. Just accepted it the way it is. It such an impossible dream to live in a perfect life, happily ever after. Too many hopes and imagination only can hurt you, because the fact life is not as happy as it may seems. Like an old phrase "bittersweet". Yes, life is a bittersweet process. Nobody can't separate both of them. Just accept them both.

I can't share openly what my problems are. It's too hurt for me to tell the story repetition by writing, talking, or sharing. It will only wakes up my sadness again. I don't want to remember any of them. I want to forget them but I can't. It's only a run away action, don't give any solution. Now, I'm not in a very good mood but I feel better to try communication with others. Please at this time, don't bother me with problems, don't add anymore problems with me. Just leave me at this time alone and just meet me for having fun. Nowadays, I just need some simple conversations, chit chat, and having fun. Big salutation for you my friends who read this, and try to understand me here. Deeply sorry for you whose feel I'm irresponsible or so mysterious. I'm just not able to meet a lot people for more problems at this time.

I'm such a Coward

2010-07-30T01:04:00.001-07:00

Defeated by the World

2010-07-22T20:06:00.001-07:00

Last night, I went from library with my high school friend. We had a good, funny, and fun conversation. We haven't meet in long time. So a lot of stories to told HAHAHAHA. I took her home first and we still had a chat for 1 hour more lol.. Anyway, some of the conversation was rejoicing and make me glad to have her as a friend. Actually we are very different in physical, gesture-you can say that she is very very feminine, and I am the contrary HAHAHAHAHA. But both of us have a common thing, which is broadness of thinking and easily talk anything in our mind openly :D

One of our conversation that makes me think more, is from her story. She told me that before in our friends farewell party there was something funny about me. Once upon the time, me and a friend-Ms. T were the last ones to come to the farewell party. And I didn't know where exactly the party's held. So that I need a guidance from my friends who've already there. I asked their guidance by phone. I've already understand the road and in front of the alley, I met some of my friends who waiting for me. I was touched.

But, there was a behind story. My friend told me that a friend of us, Mr. D, actually didn't want to wait for me with others in front of the alley. He told my friend that "friska can do it by herself, she is strong" it sounds like a compliment if I translate in English, but in the real Indonesian words, it gave a irony understanding, he said "udahlah, si friska gak usah ditungguin, dia kan kekar". Just do laugh as your wish. But for me it's not funny and it's like an insulting phrase. Better him to say, "I'm lazy to wait for her" than saying that phrase. This story really shocked me out, that once again my analysis and thinking about common people physical taught are right.

There was also a time before, where I knew a friend of mine, Ms. L is a sweet and nice girl. And somehow EVERY MAN is able to help her. She is never has any difficulty with going anywhere and doing anything. All she has to do is ask for help and every man in our class doesn't hesitate to help her. I was wondering in that time, how come?? I compared that with myself, where it's very difficult to ask other help, for woman and man both. And anyone will not hesitate to NOT help me LOL. HAHAHAHA. It's ironic. From that time, I was thinking, why? the answer came and my cynical mind said, "it's because you are not pretty and you are don't have a weak image and needed to help" again, in English term it sounds normal. But in Indonesia terms, it sounds more sarcastic "Itu karena gw gak cakep, dan gak punya kesan lemah dan perlu dibantu". Anyway, it's just my thinking and I never think it's for real until last night.

I feel both happy and disappointed. Happy because another analysis from mine is right. Disappointed to realize that common people are everywhere and they will always think shallow and nothing can change them. That's why I feel like defeated by the world. The world and common people in it, are the winner. I can't do nothing to change them, I have to change to get accepted by the common people or I just stay as I am. If I want to stay as I am, I have to accept: this is the world, there are a lot of common people, nothing can change that. I have to accept everything the way it is and no more complaining about people behavior, even though it hurts me. It's disappointing but I have to accept it. No other choice, such as 'take it or leave it'. Because I can't leave the world forever, except I died lol wkwkwkwkwkwk :D

What is the meaning of a relationship?

2010-07-21T23:34:00.000-07:00

Okay. Our today topic is about relationship. Just few minutes ago, I heard a story about my friend's friend relationship. Do you get it? hihihi. Anyway, she told me that Ms. K is very in love with her boy friend now. It's a coincidence that I knew her boy friend and my intuition said that he is not good enough for her lol hahaha I think I can be an oracle soon :P. Once upon a time, I've seen him easily got angry only for a non sense problem, a little problem that I think it's better or can be solved without angry or curses. Then my friend said, that Ms. K actually is feared by her own boyfriend, even her ex and her boyfriend were got insulted and were going to have a fight. Thanks God it didn't happen.

But still it makes me wondering, how come a relationship makes you freaking out? Relationship should makes you comfort, to be you are, accepted the way you are and your mate both (hihihihi just remember Mark Darcy quotation in Bridget Jones Diary). My logical think plus intuition say that it's just the matter of time before Ms. K boy friend does violence to her. Since he can't manage her anger in little problem, so what will be happened if he faced bigger problem?

I hope for you girls who are in love, just try to be more logical, thinking that relationship is not only about love. But also about truthfulness, to be the way you are, and of course about respectfulness.

Live for a Moment

2010-07-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

Truly, I'm a live for a moment person. Maybe you are wandering, what the hel* it does mean? For me, it means hard for me to make a long term plan. I do have wanderlust and courage to do something new and different. But the problem is always the time. I can decide, yes just make it next month around 17th. But, practically I'll busy prepare anything on 16th or early on 17th. My mind and concentration on those date, will be fulfilled only by that activity on my plan. I can't think about other thing.

This week, I've made 3 promises, those all need me to meet the people whom I promised at.. First of all, I promised to meet Ms. A. Because she's not able to meet me on Monday night so that I cancelled. But seem I forget to tell her because I was busy this whole Monday fulfilled another promise. I totally forgot to confirm again that I can't meet her at her home tonight. I hope she is okay and can take the interpretation from my last message :(

Then, my second promise, is to Ms. N. She asked me to accompany her to some visa and letters stuff. It's for her study abroad. I've fulfilled my promise today, and seem I had to accompany her on Wednesday.

The last promise to person this week is to Mr. A. He asked my help to evaluate his presentation. He was my friend in high school. He offered me his product and kind of multi level marketing at first. But, I told him I don't want to join any kind of multi level marketing. He gave up then asked me to evaluate his presentation. I don't know what is his true motive. I've told him my decision and he still asked for my help. I think as a friend I should help him. So that I agreed to meet him, in a library. But still can't decide what date is the meeting. Then I asked him to call me again on Wednesday or Thursday. Because he was calling me on last Sunday, where I was hectic for preparation in Monday activity. So I can't give my words to him. Anyway, maybe I can combine the appointment with Ms. N and Mr A together. Ms. N in the morning and Mr. A at the afternoon.

The moral stories are:

Please, if it's not very important, and you think you can ask other people help, don't ask help from me. Sounds pretty selfish but this is for my own good. I can't stand to see my friends in problems. And if you asked anything where I can help you, definitely, I'll help you!! It becomes burden for me if I can't help you and also it will force me to make a promise. And yeah, I always hold my promises :(
If you want to make an appointment with me, please be patient. Don't be tired to remind me. Because I'm pretty forgetful and my mind can be out of focus sometimes when I am busy. Better to remind me again, a day before the appointment or at the early at the appointment held.
I'm a kind of datelined person. I will move when the time is near. Just remind me about the limited time and all buzz I'll got if I delay anything.

This is me, and my mind. I think this is me and I'm pretty comfortable at. Even though, live for a moment can make me exhausted too. When I'm busy and my mind come for it 100%, I'll work hard at it and will forget other thing. Such as promises I made in the same day, eat, take a bath, do brush teeth, check on my hand phone, pick up the phone, read short messaging service, etc. After the exhausted days, I will be unconscious want to have fun or take a rest :D

Indescribable

2010-07-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

My feeling right now is miserable, feels break and hurt, it's indescribable. For many times, I feel my heart hurt again. I'm disappointed for the situation, for the people. How my heart hurt and break is indescribable. I can't describe it. I just feel empty and flat. I don't cry. My heart feels something I can't even describe.

For many times, in the past I've cried for some problems I can't solve and feel disappointed at. But I know, those cries never solve any problem. And then I stop crying. I feel my tears are so worth and valuable to threw for somebody invaluable. It's enough!

No More Tears

2010-07-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I had chat with a good friend of mine. Didn't know how, but our conversation became deeper into physiological things. He said that tears are needed for anyone who already passed crisis time, where somebody release and solve their problems. Tears are a must and no way you can solve your 'heart of problem' without tears.

I said to him that I hate cry and tears, and I don't want to cry and ruin my 'happiness', mood, and my life 'stability'. But he said, if I do that, my problems will be accumulated. But I think it's okay. Because I'm not ready yet to face the problems all at once. I don't want to have a bad mood, become sad, unhappy, and cry for my problems. I'm pretty comfortable with my condition right now. By the end of conversation, I just asked him to be there for me, if that time, my confession time is came.

Just tonight, I come home little bit late and there's something incident that makes me pretty shock. Totally I think there's no use. I give up!! It's enough. It has to be ended. My patience is over. I will keep silent, no comment, and never to use my heart to anything happened in the future. I will use my flat emotion and never think anything about them. And of course there will be no tears for them.

When the World and the 'Common' People are Different from You

2010-07-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

When the world and the 'common' people are different from you...
Recently I had some conversations with friends. From usual chit chat it became a deeper conversation and confession to our secrets HAHAHAHA..
From our conversation and listen about other stories, I know that the world today and the 'common' people are very different from myself, my point of view about life. Lets talk first about beautifulness. Like I've written before in my post that appearance can deceiving, but the world today and 'common' people still do that.

My friend said, he was ask someone to be his girl friend, even though he didn't know much about her. He only interested (firstly) because of her 'beautifulness'. I said it 'beautiful' because I didn't think so, and I know already who is she, how is her behavior, and her dark side.
In some vacancies, appearance is still valuated, even though it's a back desk job
There are some men behavior where they are only want to be near beautiful women and prefer to talk with them than to talk with the average appearance women
And of course beautiful women always easier to be remembered than the average appearance women.

I'm so sorry if my writing today sounds very cynical. But hey, that's what happened in our world today and what are 'common' people value in their life. It's different with me. I always appreciate people from what they are said, think, and behave in their life. So, I always think there's no problem with your appearance, the most important thing is your personality. Because I believe personality is something that shows who you are and it can't change easily. Your personality will stay with you forever.

Very different with physical beautiful appearance. I think everybody can have a beautiful appearance, it's just they don't know how or don't have any opportunity to do that. Just buy the perfect clothes, the fit ones and do little hair do or make up and tadaa, you can be as beautiful as other beautiful persons. And beautifulness don't stay forever. Only the personality that will be remain. But once again, that's life. Then, it will your own decision..

It's okay to be beautiful or not, it's your own decision, nothing wrong with that. But please never judge or underestimate someone only by his/her physical appearance.

Grateful for Your Life

2010-07-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Everybody has own problems. Maybe you'll think you have the worst problems than others. Sometimes, you will think like that, and maybe you are right. Your problems are worse from other person. But, you are not alone. Many people have even worse problems than yours. You just have to open your eyes and your heart and you will realize. Even though you are suffering you still have some good points in your life.

Recently I have a chat with a good friend of mine. I don't tell him anything about my problems whom I think is the worst problem from all over my life. But hear his story about his friend, make me wonder. That his friend even has a very dangerous situation where common people can't help her. Actually my problem can be solved if I'm not shy to ask other people help. But her problem is worse. Nobody can help her, because that's not a problem where we, common people can help her. Too bad for her. Even though I don't know her but I feel sorry for her. I hope she will get the best and God will always protect her.

I'm now can think clearly and I think I can do it and solve my problems if I'm brave enough for asking help. I always think when I ask for people help, I usually get disappointed. That's why asking for help is not my habit. But I should move on. Make a real step or my problems will never solved!!

Dance with Your Father (again??)

2010-07-08T06:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just listen again to an old song, "Dance with My Father" by Luther Vandross. You can see the video here. How's the lyric:

"Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream"

Just listen to the song and read the lyric carefully, and it will make you feel miserable.

Any Boyfriend?

2010-07-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

Okay friends, let me introduce my lovely boyfriend, Mayong hihihihihi.

It's just kidding HAHAHHAHAHAHA :D Mayong Suryolaksono is a journalist and was a movie review show (Cinema Cinema) host for years when I was a child. Not only handsome but he also smart, interesting, expressive, and critical. His work as a tv host with Ira Wibowo always make me amazed about what movie will be reviewed that day. The show makes me love movies until now. It's been years after the show ended. And there's no more any movie review show in Indonesia tv. I think I will never meet Mayong faces anymore on tv screen. Lucky me, I met him, even met him face to face in a book launching at a bookstore in Plasa Senayan, Jakarta.

My purpose that day was to meet Marina Kusumawardhani the writer 'Keliling Eropa 6 bulan dengan 1000 dolar" or in english, you can translate it as "6 Months around the Eroupe by US$1000". This book is a kind of bible for us, the low budgeted traveler. You MUST read it!! Marina was writing another travel books, named "Jingga" (in english means "Orange" (color)). And I attended the book launching couple days ago with friends. Jingga told us about Marina journey to India and Thailand when she was looking for the 'heaven'. Uniquely, Jingga was written before the "6 Months around the Europe by US$1000" book. So, it should be very interesting to read her first masterpiece. Marina writing is special. She is not write a totally guidance travel book, how to reach there and how much the budget detailed. Her specialties, are her cultural experiences and tips. So that the readers are not only know the beautiful spot but also the story about the place and how the current condition in that place. And seems Jingga even much better. Jingga gives explanation about Marina views of life and she dedicates Jingga for her friend who already passed away. I want to read more the book. FYI, Marina lives in Austria now, in her Magister education and already married. She comes to Indonesia only for couple times. This time she comes because of her book launching. So, we can say, it's such a rare chance to meet her personally and talk with her in Indonesia.

Anyway, Wimar Witoelar (WW) also attended Jingga book launching and gave fresh and humorist situation. Couldn't stop smile to hear his jokes. Also there's Mayong hihihii. I pretty shock when I saw Mayong. Because in the invitation, I didn't pay attention for who will be in Jingga book launching, expect Marina hahaha. So, in the minute I saw him, just like an old crush, my mouth was grinning widely LOL!! Mayong has a fresh appearance, and his way of talking and face the audiences for me, was very peacefully, and he is SO MUCH BETTER than on tv. HAHAHHHAHA. Very very lucky me :D

There the story goes... about boyfriend, or you can call it, my future boyfriend I'll tell you in next writing ya :) But at this time I want to smile, grin, and smirk remember the day I met Mayong LOL :D

PS. the pictures are taken by my friend, Safrini Malahayati

Music is Healing

2010-07-05T02:10:00.000-07:00

Recently I was in a pretty bad mood. In writings my passion stilll there, but not when I meet people in person. Like I wrote before, I want to run away from my problems. And I come back to my old escape road, by listening to music. At least, my feeling and mood much better right now. Thanks for Mr. Lionel Richie and the Commodores who make such lovely melody and songs.

I think everybody in a kind of depression and suppressed should hear Lionel Richie masterpiece. Especially in : "Easy", "You are", "Stuck on You", "Truly", "Do it to me", "Dancing on the ceiling", "My destiny", "Just to be close to you". These songs have great melody and it's really entertaining and calming your nerves. And now, I'm running into Mr. Lionel :D

Stressful at the moment

2010-07-02T21:22:00.000-07:00

Everyone have their own problems. Like Indrawan Tjin said "the problem is yours". So do I. I have a pretty big problem related to time and money. More stressful I am, more ignorant I become. I'm dizzy and even can't think and don't know whom I can shared this burned with. Too many problems in once.

Also like the old man said "you can't choose who your parents and family are". Nothing you can do about it. Every time I think about it, I just want to close my eyes and my ears, don't want to hear and see anything about it. I want to run, go out from this damned circle and cage. I find my happiness and freedom outside the house and don't want to think about it anymore. But every time I come home, the pressure and the problems again show up. I don't want to cry, I don't want to grumble much about this. I just want to go out, find my freedom and finish my problems. It just counting days on until the deadline.

Sometimes I think that death is the most easy way to run away from all those problems. But I don't want to suicide. I want to die naturally. So, in the past, I remember my pray to God, If it's His will, I'm not hesitate to die immediately. I know that life means suffer and pain vice versa with the happiness itself. Then, it's your own choice. It's all your point view, how you can see the world is. Yeah I know world and life is all happiness, life as human, can enjoy every moment of life and beautifulness but also life has problems. And the problems ******!!

'Cheap' Coffe and Drink Places in Jakarta

2010-07-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Recently, I'm looking for a perfect location where people can gathering, without spending too much money. So hard to find any place like that. Free, comfortable, and easy to use anytime. Our choices then into library, park, and university lol!!! Anyway, seems people don't agree with that kind of place. So that, we are thinking what it will be. Maybe it's okay if the gathering held in a cafe or book-cafe with good price range. I'm looking some information in internet, and tadaa there're some interesting places you must try sometimes. I'll shared with you here. The price range is between Rp. 30.000 -- Rp. 50.000; or below Rp. 50.000. I'll try to compile it, in most readable form. So it'll need more time to collect it. Just be patient..

1. Ya Kun Kaya Toast (Pacific Place, FX)

Introduction: Singaporean toast, with Kaya jam.. It's like "Srikaya", and the menu is little bit similar with Indonesian "warung kacang hijau" or literally "Green Bean Foodstall".

Signature Dishes: Kopi - O, Original Chicken Floss, Soft Boiled Eggs, Teh Ping (Es Teh Tarik), Traditional Kaya Toast, Yuan Yang (Mix Coffee & Tea)

Opening Hours: Everyday, 08:00 - 22:00

2. Koffie Huis (Jl. Kemang Raya No. 99, Kemang)

Introduction: Named from dutch language, literally means "Coffe Haus". So you've already know what to expect rite?

Signature Dishes: Avocado Mousse Cake, Hot Plate, Ice Cappucino, Klappertaart, Risoles, Spaghetty Aglio Olio

Opening Hours:

Everyday 10:00 - 22:00 (Monday - Thursday & Sunday), 10:00 - 00:00 (Friday & Saturday)

3. Koffiedoeloe Cafe & Resto (Jl. Pejompongan Raya No.1, Bendungan Hilir)

Introduction: This is an Indonesian type coffe-shop.

Signature Dishes: Kopi Seduh Rempah, Kopi Wangi Jahe, Nasi Bakar Pedas, Risoles, Singkong Rebus Nangka, Tahu isi

Opening Hours:

Monday - Thursday 10:00 - 00:00

Friday - Saturday 10:00 - 02:00

Sunday 07:00 - 00:00

4. ssss

Promise is a Promise

2010-06-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

For me, promise is something important you have to fulfill. So, it's better for me to say "no", "later", or "not sure yet" than say "yes", "of course", and "absolutely" but not to do that. I'll try to keep my words as best as I can. I'll try to fulfill my promise, to best friends, friends, and even strangers. Even though, I also have a weakness where I can't fulfill one or two promises. Good thing is I still remember that, and I'll feel guilty.

One story about my promise, which the promise is happened couple years ago and just fulfilled recently, about 2 months before LOL!! Here's the story. Once upon a time, I did a sight-seeing in second hand book market in Pondok Cina (Pocin) area, in Depok. I saw an Asian travel book there. I was interested even did bargain. But at the time I didn't bring enough money, so I asked the seller to keep the book for me. On my way home (where I always do thinking hihihi), I thought the book might be already had out of date information since it was published on 1987. So, I cancelled out to buy the book. The problem is I've given my words!! And every time I pass the bookshop, I feel guilty and shame so that I don't dare enough to come to that place again. Until couple months before, a good friend of mine, asked me to accompany her to bookshops in Depok. And first of all, she wanted to check that second hand book market in Pocin! I've told my stories to my friend. She convinced me that after years, the seller would forget about me. I agreed to accompany her and waited in front of the bookshop. There were a lot of shelves stand in front of the bookshop, and I did sightseeing (again). I shocked out, when I found out that travel book still exist there, in front of my face. I thought, it's such a warning from God. I have to fulfill my words. So that, I've made decision, I'll buy that book (even though it was published on 1987). I asked my friend to do the bargain but she couldn't do it and suddenly the seller came out from the bookshop and greeted me!! The worst things are she's still recognize me not only as her subscriber but also as the one who already promised to buy that book!! GOD!! after years!! shame on me...

Another promise or a vow, I had made with God. I thought I've fulfilled that. But, I have to be wrong. I still don't fulfill my promise to God. I'm wrong and again Jesus gives me warnings-based on my discussion with priest. I don't know. I have been dizzy lately. I feel shame to God, I feel guilty, I think I have no way out. I don't want to face the ugly truth in front of me. I just want to escape, don't want to think about all, about my problems. I'm depressed, tired, and want to give up. I don't know how I should begin again my life. It feels everything I do seems doesn't right. Every thing I did just end up not well and still I feel stuck. I'm so dizzy to think about that all. My head is not ready for such complicated things in one place. I can't think. I can't feel. I can't move. I'm stuck here.

To be in Love

2010-06-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Hmmm what an unexpected theme come out from my mind rite?? Hihihihi. Recently I read a lot of manga in some websites. And all their themes are love. Anything the story goes, how the characters are, its about love and passion to love. Hmm. It makes me think, is it love that everybody looked for??

For me, love, is anything I like to do on my own, anything fulfilled my desire and passion. And to find it in only one person pretty hard to do. To get impressed by someone both easy and hard for me. Easy if you know the 'key' (hihihi, let me keep it to myself); hard, even though you showering me with love and your caring (if you are not hold the 'key'). My critical thinking and some negative interpretation always make me easily to delete someone from my Mr. Right List LOL!! Also I has a very uncommon thinking where is not many people compatible with that nor accepted it. Yeah, I live in some conservative circles. So, somehow in some topics where I have a different point of view, I prefer to shut my mouth. I can't be 100% bold in action and talk for everybody. Maybe only one or two of my friends who know how sharp my mouth and thinking are.

Also, recently, I missed my old crush when I am in college (hohoho) and check out his facebook. And TADAA!! He is going to be married, next month in July. I just find out, that it's pretty shocking for me, that's someone from your past, totally leave you, has another life, and nothing you can do to make you feeling better. Honestly, I'm not in crush anymore with him (note this: CRUSH). It's only a tiny feeling but still I get surprised :S He was deleted from my Mr. Right List because he is a catholic (different from mine). I believe, if it's my way to have a relationship, God will show me a choice that will not disappointed Himself right? Individually, this is my decision and hopefully I still can make it, rite Father?

Also about love, couple months before, for first time in my life, I catched a 'sign', that there was a woman who fall in love with me. Hmm pretty hard topic rite? When I thought about that, I thought maybe it's just my imagination. But day by day, she keep sends me messages and looks like in a flirtatious message. And I stop reply her message and try to avoid her, if she asked me out. Thanks God she seems understand and not disturb me again. The positive point from this affair, it's really SHOCKED ME OUT!! My mind is opened, how come woman fall in love with me. Is there anything wrong with my gesture or what, so that woman can be in love with me?? Where are the men?? Where are them?? Are they think that I am a lesbian? OMG!! Truly this occasion shocks me and keep me wondering. Even I got a consultation from a man, directly, he is a good friend mine. And after a deep chit chat, I know why and how at least not to make me as a lesbian magnet anymore LOL!! (what a term). Actually it's your own decision to be a LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trasgender) or not. But, since I am not a lesbian, it makes me not comfortable to get approached (for love) by a lesbian. It feels same, just like when I was approached by a boy whom I don't like.

After that chit chat, I learn a lot to accept my self more, that I'm woman and nothing can change it :S
Also somehow it's awaken my antenna for capturing some cute and handsome men appereance hohoho. Before, I always the last one to realize a man handsome. WUAKKAKAK!! Also it's awaken my memories in past about some 'weird' behaviors from my classmates in high school. Seemed that he was in crush for me. LOL!! Sorry man, totally I just realize that what you were doing in that time was an approach :D Poor him, yeah I'm pretty ignorant in that kind of thing (approaching to love). Next time you have to tell it bold to me ya. I'm not such an oracle, who know what's your feeling and thinking. And my thinking about relationship is little bit change. Yeah it's only a relationship, doesn't mean I have to get married already to that man. So nothing to be worried much about that. So, if it's my way to have a relationship, with God will, I'm ready. Nothing to lose :)

Uncle Scrooge McDuck, si Paman Gober

2010-05-31T01:16:00.000-07:00

I just read my 'Uncle Scrooge' comic, and feel like I was a child. Years ago, read the comic, and very fascinate to read on the Uncle Scrooge adventures and his funny-miserliness. Uncle Scrooge and the Duckburg (Kota Bebek) was created by Carl Barks. But many of Uncle Scrooge stories is developed by Don Rosa (Gioachino "Keno" Don Hugo Rosa). Even he made 12 comic books about Uncle Scrooge past time, there're the titles:

The Last of the Clan McDuck
The Master of the Mississippi
The Buckaroo of the Badlands
Raider of the Cooper Hill
The New Laird of Castle McDuck
The Terror of the Transvaal
Dreamtime Duck of the Never-Never
King of Klondike
The Billionaire of Dismal Down
The Invader of Fort Duckburg
The Empire-Builder from Calisota
The Richest Duck in the World.

And just last year, those are printed in Indonesia. Thanks for Kompas Gramedia Publisher :) When it published in Indonesian version, I just read the stories in the bookstores. LOL!! Perhaps I'll collect the comics and buy it later. His adventures are magnificent!! And truly inspiring! You can see how Uncle Scrooge become a scrooge duck (maybe not only because of his name hihihi) because of his history, cleverness, and hardworking. Also there is a repetition story about how Uncle Scrooge got his lucky coin/the number one dime (I had read it in my Donald Duck weekly magazine when I was child). Do you know how?? Hohoho. It's very pathetic for Magica De Spell (Mimi Hitam). Btw I just find out a link about Uncle Scrooge romance, you can read it here. Uncle Scrooge has a lot of lovers.

Also, there is a comic strip pictures from here that shows Uncle Scrooge had already came to Java Island, Indonesia in his youth. I copied it here. Enjoy hohoho.

here the comic strip is ended. LOL!! don't you curious want to know more??
Hohoho. By the way, in Indonesia, Uncle Scrooge is translated as 'Paman Gober'. I also look more information about Uncle Scrooge in Google and find some interesting facts. Such as, Uncle Scrooge's names in the world:

Arabic

عم دهب

Argentine Spanish

Tío Rico

Belgian French

Oncle Jérémie

Brazilian Portuguese

Tio Patinhas

Bulgarian

Чичо Скрудж

Canadian French

Oncle Picsou

Chilean Spanish

Tío Rico

Colombian Spanish

Tío Rico

Croatian

Tvrdica McTwrdy

Czech

Strýček Skrblík

Danish

Onkel Joakim

Dutch

Oom Dagobert

English

Uncle Scrooge

Estonian

Onu Robert

Faroese

Gírikur gubbi

Finnish

Roope-setä

Flemish

Oom Jeremias

French

Oncle Picsou

German

Onkel Dagobert

Greek

Θείος Σκρουτζ

Hungarian

Dagobert McCsip

Icelandic

Jóakim frændi

Indonesian

Paman Gober

Italian

Zio Paperone

Japanese

スクルージおじさん

Latvian

Tēvocis Knaps

Lithuanian

Skrudžas Makdakas

Mexican Spanish

Tío Rico

Norwegian (bokmål)

Onkel Skrue

Polish

Wujek Sknerus

Portuguese

Tio Patinhas

Romanian

Unchiul Scrooge

Russian

Дядюшка Скрудж

Sami

Hánes Eahki

Serbian (Latin)

Čika Baja

Simplified Chinese

史古奇

Slovenian

Stric Skopušnik

Spanish

Tío Gilito

Swedish

Farbror Joakim

Turkish

Varyemez Amca

Vietnamese

Bác Scrooge

Best Photography Spots in Singapore

2010-05-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

I just read a link here, and find an interesting article. It's about some nice shots in Singapore, after the Merlion and Mr. Raffles Statue. Perhaps I'll try some shots there in my next trip to Singapore. Those shots are suggested by Singaporean photographer, Lester V Ledesma (Sky Light Images), Mark Teo (Mark Teo) and Benny Hoh (Benny Hoh Photography).

Here are the best 9 nice shots:

Photography spots 1: rural Singapore
Kampong Buangkok (MRT: Buangkok or Hougang, then take a taxi to Lorong Buangkok, along Gerald Drive)

Dubbed ‘Singapore’s last kampong’, you won’t find this traditional village on a local map. Dotted along a network of dirt roads, wooden houses with zinc roofs shelter residents desperate to hold on to a more relaxed way of life. Chickens scratch in the muddy shade of rambutan, jackfruit and banana trees. But the clock is ticking for this vestige of living history as developers turn their eyes to this valuable slice of Singapore.

Punggol (MRT: Punggol, then taxi or bus 82 to the end of Punggol Road)

A haven for landscape photo fans. When you’re standing on Punggol beach, you’re actually closer to Johor, Malaysia than Singapore’s CBD – and you feel a world away. With its L-shaped jetty and mosscovered rocks that peep out from the blanket of sand at low tide, this undeveloped shore is one of the few places where you can see fishermen casting nets and setting crab cages. As an extra bonus, just minutes off Punggol’s main road, you’ll find wide-open fields full of swaying, feathery Lalang grass with just an occasional wide-canopied tree to break your line of vision. A rare chance to take a landscape shot without a high-rise looming into view.

Kranji Farms (MRT: Kranji, then Kranji Express)

Hop on the Kranji Express bus and explore some of northern Singapore’s rural industries. You’ll find 6,000 croaking bullfrogs at Jurong Frog Farm (Tel: 6791 7229; website), goat-milking at Hay Dairies (Tel: 6792 0931; website), and fruit swelling on trees at Fire Flies organic farm (Tel: 6793 7875; website). If you have time, stop at the Kranji Dam for marshland views.

Photography spots 2: streets of Singapore
Chinatown (MRT: Chinatown)

Look past the ‘doll’s house’ renovations of the major tourist streets and you’ll find signs of old-style Singapore – a Taoist godstatue maker at work in Mohamed Ali Lane, barbers sharpening razors in side alleys near Thian Hock Keng Temple, and seniors playing checkers or comparing songbirds next to Sago Lane.

There're some pictures I shot:

Beautiful candles

Table rows

Sunset

Little India (MRT: Little India)

Classic street-life scenes can be captured any day of the week in this lively part of town, but Sunday is when the area really pulses with activity. Head for Buffalo Road and Campbell Lane, where bright rows of jasmine garlands hang next to piles of heady spices and clay oil lamps.

There're the pictures I shot:

Mom and Son

The Blue

Forgive the flag

Esplanade Basement (MRT: City Hall)

On Friday nights, take the underpass from Esplanade to CityLink Mall – this is where you’ll find a group of B-boys and six-gear cyclists performing tricks. Just ask to see their favourite stunts and they’ll usually be happy to be photographed in action. The lighting is quite low so use your flash and ISO 800-1600.

Photography spots 3: wild Singapore
MacRitchie Reservoir Park ( Bus: 52, 74, 93, 157, 165, 852 or 980. Alight at Lornie Road)

Six-foot monitor lizards, flying lemurs, and troupes of cheeky monkeys call this vast swathe of rainforest home. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a rare shot of the Malayan pangolin (scaly anteater) or a banded leaf monkey. Try shooting on an overcast day – the clouds soften bright beams of light that cause contrast confusion for your camera.

Sungei Buloh Wetlands (MRT: Kranji, then bus 925 or Kranji Express)

A jewel in Singapore’s ecological treasure trove. Phenomenal foliage and thousands of migratory birds make this a photographic eden. The mangroves are also teeming with mudskippers and climbing crabs.

West Coast Park Beach (Bus 176 stops directly in front of the park. Buses 30, 51, and 143 stop at Clementi Woods Park, a 5-minute walk away.)

A great location for a coastal sunset shot. Boats embedded in the sand provide a solid foreground against fiery skies. For those with a taste for industrial Singapore, shipyard cranes in the distance make a striking silhouette.

Hihihihihi maybe the photography spots 3 will be pretty exhausted for me. Just wait and see. Hopefully I'm able to come to those spots.

Budget Airlines All Over the World

2010-05-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

I copy paste from link in http://flashpackerindonesia.wordpress.com/ and check out there're some out of date URL. Here the revised version.

Budget Airlines Africa
1Time Airlines
https://www.1time.aero/aqueduct/1time/Booking
Atlas Blue
http://www.royalairmaroc.com/
Kulula Air
https://www.kulula.com/default.aspx

Budget Airlines Asia Pasific
Air Do
http://www.airdo.jp/ap/index.html
Air India Express
http://www.airindiaexpress.in/FreeREZ/ADS_WEB/TA/Home.aspx
Asia Pacific Airlines
http://www.flyapa.com/
Bangkok Air
http://www.bangkokair.com/
Cebu Pacific Air
http://www.cebupacificair.com/
Hong Kong Airlines
http://www.hongkongairlines.com/web/eng/
Valuair
http://www.jetstar.com/vf/en/index.aspx

Budget Airlines Australasia
Air Asia
http://www.airasia.com/
Jet Star
http://www.jetstar.com/id/en/index.aspx
Tiger Airways
http://www.tigerairways.com/id/en/
Virgin Blue
http://www.virginblue.com.au/

Budget Airlines China
China United Airlines
http://www.cu-air.com/
Spring Airline
http://www.china-sss.com/

Budget Airlines Europe
Easy Jet
http://www.easyjet.com/asp/en/book/index.asp?lang=en/
Monarch Airlines
http://www.monarch.co.uk/
Ryan Air
http://www.ryanair.com/en
Smart Wings Airlines
http://www.smartwings.com/home.php?lang=en
Vueling Airlines
http://www.vueling.com/
Wizz Air
http://wizzair.com/Default.asp?slid=clear&language=EN&

Budget Airlines India
Air Deccan
http://www.deccanairlines.in/
Go Air
http://www.goair.in/
Indigo Airlines
http://book.goindigo.in/skylights/cgi-bin/skylights.cgi
Spice Jet
http://www.spicejet.com/

Budget Airlines Indonesia
Batavia Air
http://www.batavia-air.com/mainetiket.php
Citilink
http://www.citilink.co.id/
Mandala Air
http://www.mandalaair.com/
Merpati Nusantara
http://www.merpati.co.id/
Sriwijaya Air
http://www.sriwijayaair.co.id/

Budget Airlines Middle East
Air Arabia
http://www.airarabia.com/index.php
Air India Express
http://www.airindiaexpress.in/FreeREZ/ADS_WEB/TA/Home.aspx
Jazeera Airways
http://www.jazeeraairways.com/
Mihin Lanka
http://www.mihinlanka.com/
Sama Airlines
http://www.flysama.com/en/index.htm

Budget Airlines North America
Frontier Airlines
http://www.frontierairlines.com/frontier/home.do
Southwest Airlines
http://www.southwest.com/
Viva Aerobus
http://www.vivaaerobus.com/
West Jet
http://www.westjet.com/

Budget Airlines Oceania
Virgin Blue
http://www.virginblue.com.au/

Budget Airlines Russia
Sky Express
http://www.skyexpress.ru/

Budget Airlines South Africa
Mango Airlines
http://ww6.flymango.com/

Budget Airlines South East Asia
Lion Air
http://www2.lionair.co.id/

Budget Airlines Thailand
Nok Air
http://www.nokair.com/NokConnext/aspx/Welcome.aspx
One-Two-Go Airlines
http://www.fly12go.com/th/home/index.php

Budget Airlines TransAmerica
Spirit Airlines
http://www.spiritair.com/

Budget Airlines USA
Air Tran Airways
http://www.airtran.com/Home.aspx
Virgin America
http://www.virginamerica.com/va/home.do

Must have karaoke song list

2010-05-23T03:16:00.000-07:00

Me and friends had a great time in karaoke. I think, sing in karaoke is different from sing for yourself. I should choose a happy and jolly songs that will entertain everybody and good to sing. If it's possible, choose the weird lyric and funny melody from the songs. You can say, in the term in Indonesia, as "norak" or "alay" HAHAHA.

Okay here is the list (you can suggest other songs too)
1. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai (SRK)
2. Koi Mil Gaya (SRK)
3. Where is the Love (BEP)
4. Mencari alasan (Exist)
5. Oh baby (Cinta Laura)
6. Sadis (Afghan)
7. KB - Juminten
8. I can love you like that
9. Separuh jiwaku pergi (Anang) mm typical mellow nih lagunya
10. Qing Fe Te yi (OST Meteor Garden)
11. Bangun Tidur (Mbah Surip)
12. Trio Macan SMS (WUAKAKKA)
13. Bete (Manis Manja Group)
14. Mau dibawa ke mana (Armada)
15. Gregetan (Sherina)
16. Janji Hati (Paramita Rusady)
17. Takdir (Desy Ratnasari)
18. Tenda Biru (Desy Ratnasari)
19. Flying without wings
20. Menghujam jantungku (Tompi)
22. As long as you love me (BSB)
23. Make it mine (Jason Mraz)
24. Jagoan (sherina)
25. Can't stop me now (Queen)
26. Picture of me (Boyzone)
27. Pilihlah aku (Krisdayanti)
28. Irreplaceable (beyonce)
29. Touch my body (Mariah Carey)
30. Sway (michael buble)
31. Haven't met you yet (michael buble)
32. I just call to say I love you (Stevie Wonder)
33. Butterfly (Jason Mraz)
34. Hard days night (The Beatles)
35. Dancing queen (ABBA)
36. Don't say you love me (M2M)
37. Truly Madly Deeply (Savage Garden)
38. Toxic (britney spears)
39. Livin on a prayer (bon jovi)
40. ...

My Passion to Travel

2010-05-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

My passion to travel, first is travel to SouthEast Asia. Yeah, you can say it Indonesia also. But, I'm not very interested because the tourism in Indonesia is not prepare yet, and a lot of fraud happened to tourists, even to the local person itself. Poor Indonesia..

Okay then, here is my list (it's helped with low cost carrier Air Asia hahaha)

Singapore, want to travel: Sentosa Island and Universal Studio
Malaysia, want to travel: Petronas, Genting, Malacca, dan Selangor
Thailand, want to travel: Phuket, Phi Phi Island, Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Pattaya. And because Chiang Mai is in the border area, maybe I can go also to Laos and Myanmar LOL!! What a dream :D
Cambodia, want to travel: Angkor Wat, unfortunately there's no direct flight from Jakarta (by Air Asia), so I have to take plane from Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. So, Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City will be in the list hohoho
Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City

I also have another dream to come to other Asia region, such as :

Tibet, there's no direct plane there. Maybe I'll take the CGK-BKK, and then continue by train to Tibet
India, experience Taj Mahal, and visit Shah Ruk Khan house hihihihi
China, to experience Great Wall, if possible I want to travel: Hong Kong and Disneyland Hong Kong. if still possible I want to travel to Mongolia also LOL!!
Taiwan, to experience the land of F4 HAHAHAHA
North Korea and South Korea, both interestinggg.
Japan, want to travel thereee, also experience DisneySea, the one and only :)

Hihihi a lot of dreams right?? want to go there all :) Let's see how's my life journey will go...

Boost My Mood

2010-05-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

One way to boost my mood, definitely, is listening to the music. Makes your nerves calm and can see a brighter future of yourself. Like tonight, I re-listening again, The Best Collection of Lionel Richie, unfortunately the pirated ones. One by one, the song is perfect. I'm enjoying the songs a lot. Until, the one most perfect melody, "Easy". Gosh!! really relaxing, really makes your nerves calm, and makes me more optimistic. LOVE IT.

Thank you for The Commodores and Lionel Richie. Adore you a lottt. Love youuu. Here is the link.
Hopefully you can enjoy the song, just like me.

Lose My Heart

2010-05-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

Recently, I has some problems. It breaks my heart, where I have no one to trust.
I am already in the top of my patience limit. It's enough!! Enough is enough. But from that time, because of my disappointed, I can feel there's something wrong with me mentally.

I can't feel. I lose my heart. I can feel that I become a cruel person, with no mercy, can't believe on anybody. I'm become more cynical right now. I think that's worse than being a sarcastic person (that's what I was before). I'm become apathy, close my eyes, my ears, and my heart for other. Also don't want to be bothered with other problems.

I can feel it's not right. But at this time I can't help it. My hurt is killing. I need to heal, and I think maybe my apathy is the healing. Even I can't drop tears right now. I'm losing my heart.

Bullying

2010-05-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

I was a bullying victim when I was in elementary school. The story began when I moved to other city, from Jakarta Selatan to Jakarta Timur area. I moved to a public school in 3rd grade. Even in my first day, I was bullied there. Mostly it was the boys who bullied me. In my first day there, they were hiding my ruler. I didn't like it. I was asking everybody where my ruler was but they were pretending didn't know. Even the girls also.
I mad at them and began crying. The worst thing was, my teacher didn't realize their bullying instead punished me to stand up in front of the class for crying.

From my first day at school, I hate them. I prevented myself then, to argue to the boys even fighting for them, if they were bullying me again. Unfortunately, the bullying didn't stop, it still happened until I was in Junior School. Seemed every boys in that public school where my primary school friends were there also, kept bullying me.
Still I was fighting alone for my own peace!! Nobody can help me. I really hate them. And until now, I hate those village people and village minded there!!! Kampungan!!! I remembered, I didn't have many friends. But still had a few good friends. I hated the boys, I hated the girls who tried to be "GAOL"!! And you know what happened to them right now, mostly that "GAOL" married already because of their pregnancy.

I decided to moved out from that village area school. I wanted to continue my High School really far away where my elementary school and junior high school friends couldn't be there. So, I decided to entered a good High School, in Cibubur area. Thanks God, I was entering my High School alone, without anybody from my elementary and junior high school students. And yeahh, I got my freedommm. That was the best years I ever had, where I could be myself, without anyone bullied at me. I met some good friends, seemed everybody in high school was my friends HAHAHA. Truly deeply from my heart I was grateful for God opening up my eyes, made me saw the opportunity to continue high school there :D

I love my friends there, I enjoyed school there, I had a great teenage time, life freely as me, Love them all.
Goodbye to my elementary school friends, at this time I still couldn't forgive you. But who knows what will be happened in the future. Maybe someday I can forgive and be friends with you in the future. But at this time, still I had the pain left in my heart. So, for these and more years I will not attend the elementary school reunion. Okay?

Dedicated to Sandra Bullock

2010-04-29T00:26:00.000-07:00

As a 1990's grown up teenage, I have watched a lot of Sandra Bullock's movies. I remember her first movie I ever saw where she and cute Keanu Reeves played role, in "Speed". Since then, I watched other her movies, which is mostly in romatic comedy genre. Her movies I have watched, While you are sleeping, Speed 2, Practical Magic, Miss Congeniality, Two Weeks Notice, Crash, Miss Congeniality 2, Lake House, The Proposal, The Blind Side. I love her role there. It shows a good, nice, and sweet girl character. I have to admit, her best act is in The Blind Side. The story is perfect and allowed her to improve her act. I can feel her act is so natural, a open hearted and sweet mom, whom love her adopted son so much. I'm very touched watch The Blind Side, almost drop my tears.

I think it's perfect that finally she won Academy Awards for Best Actress in 2010. Sadly, days after the winning glorious time, her husband betrayal is revealed. Her husband, Jesse James cheated to a tattooing painter girl, named Michelle McGee. And do you know for how long he cheated? For 11 months!!! It's almost a year!! OMG!!! What reasons he want to defend himself? He said he is still in love for Sandra!! For Godsake!! If you really love someone you will never hurt your wife by cheated, even for 11 months already!! What an excuse!!

I have read also many articles about Sandra Bullock in People.com and IMDb. I found out she is truly sweet and nice. Before, she declined not to married, because: (on marital plans) "I've always been very sceptical about marriage, because I only want to do it once; I want to do it the right way." At least she married Jesse James an actor in 2005, accepted him with his 3 children. Also, I found out that Sandra Bullock do some charities for Asian Tsunami and Hurricane Catrina.

Moreover, when she looked for future comedian talent in Orange County. She supported George Lopez and even became his show producer, George Lopez Show. They are become friends since 2000 until now. The sweetest thing is : As a gift many years ago, Bullock gave Lopez his first BlackBerry, and she sent him a message that he saved. "She said, 'If you ever need me, I'm your big sister. If you ever need me to be the bad guy, I will be the bad guy,' " George Lopez told People. She is very nice and she still be friends also with her co-star in the past. Hugh Grant and Keanu Reeves came to attend her marriage.

And now, after 3 months adopted a child, she wants to keep it as secret. But it's revealed by the time she asks for divorce. I think, the poor thing is, is it possible for her, to have little Sandra junior?? I mean a biologic children, in her age?? Hopefully she can be happy with her choices, and if there is another mate in the future, I hope she gets the best. Maybe she can make a call for Hugh Grant or Keanu Reeves? Both of them are single hohoho.

What a Boring Topic, an Inner Beauty?

2010-04-27T10:15:00.000-07:00

A lot of people talk much about inner beauty. Unlucky, most people who’s talking about inner beauty, not very pretty. This is the fault of the past conventional thinking. Because you don't have beautiful physic, you have to accept that, and gain your other excellence, such as your inner beauty. Contrary, when you are saying and agree with this, that means, indirectly, you think that beautiful physically person don't have a good inner beauty. THOSE ALL JUST A STEREOTYPE!! the conventional way of thinking.

By my own experience, everybody has their own specialties’ (you can call it in 'inner beauty' term). It doesn't mean the beautiful ones not have inner beauty. Also not every person who’s not very pretty has a superior inner beauty. Of course someone beautifulness or not, it's only a physic, it's a cover. But most important to all people, is their own character, how someone thinking, make a decision, and chose their own way of life, and be consistent with themselves and others. And in everybody inside there are always two sides, the good side and bad side. There is no angelic person, maybe it's only the appearances and the way he/she acted. LOL!! Am I mean?? Nowadays, totally I'm suspicious to such angelic-appearances persons. I have had already bad experiences with them. And don't want to add another hurtful experiences :D

Btw 'beautiful' term I used here, valid for men and women both. And for you whose looking a mate and search for a perfect physically first, I think you should think more deeply. Never see the physical first. Neither you the one who’s looking for such priest appearance; neither who’s looking for a sexy mate. Be careful. You can't know and guess somebody well only by the appearance. You should be very careful, appearances can be deceived.

Backstabbing and Discrimination

2010-04-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, in this blog I never post anything about backstabbing before. But in my multiply blog, I have made several posts about this theme. Why I have made severals post about this? Because it happens many times to me. I thought because of my past experiences, it'll became natural to me. Just try to feel normally, when somebody do backstabbing again. Unfortunately, it doesn't happened.

I'm still mad, and can't forgive the person. I can't heal for instance. I feel hurt.
Even I can't see her name, her pictures, her ID, everywhere. Everything I saw that reminds me of her, ARGH!!! I wanna to destroy it, and just want to erase her from my life forever! But I can't.
Even I can't see her face, I'm worried that I will explode when I see her. So it's better I don't meet her in person for these months!! Beware of me!!

And it's enough for living in Indonesia!!! My Godness!!! I have already had a lot discrimination experiences as a girl, as a Christian, and as a Bataknese. Your group keeps saying that you are the only one whose got discriminated in the world. Do you realize that you do that discrimination to your minorities in Indonesia also?? Stop talking bullshit, and it's better you fix yourself, your behavior in your own country, in this discrimination country named Indonesia.

Equality still become a huge problem here in Indonesia. It happens also in my f***** family. GOD!!!! It makes me sick. For many times I got those discrimination since I was a child. And it still happens until now. When I was a child, I couldn't talk to much about the 'gender equality' (of course I didn't know much about that). Little friska just thought simple, that was not fair, when her brother was allowed do something but she was not allowed. Even tough she was angry but couldn't express it openly in front of everybody.

Little friska is bigger now, and she become me now. The one whose already read a lot, have good knowledge, whose brain working well, logically, and have a firm attitude, to express myself, whenever something wrong is happened. And when I got discriminated, I understand that I'm discriminated, and I will stand for my right and will tell my opinion in loud!! And still my mom can't understand it!!! She still gives priority to my brother first! Really, I want to explode right now!! There is no use talking about gender equality to older persons. They still can't get it!! That's happened in Indonesia. A lot of older persons and in same age as me, have a conventional way of thinking.

Another madness in Indonesia, which is dishonest and have no dignity. People easy to lie and having face in innocent set up. But truthful inside she has another points and another purposes. GO TO THE HELL!!! I don't need this kind of person. And please do not ever confirm to me, am I talking about you or not. Because, believe me, I will explode in front of you (if you are the person whom I talk about). Are you ready to receive my explosion??? Also this behavior creates other traits, which is no dignity!! Your words before, your attitude before in the past, you never think about that. And you will do anything to achieve your purposes, without have a dignity, don't think about your words and attitude before. I won't say GO TO THE HELL but will say, WHERE'S YOUR DIGNITY??? ARE YOU A BEGGAR???

ENOUGH is ENOUGH!! May Jesus forgive me whose talking those confrontation words. Also may He shows me some good friends, the real truly friends, and makes those 'CLOWNS' learn 'a lesson'.

PS. For you people who thinking I might be talk about you. Please read this : DON'T EVER TRY TO CONFIRM IT!! except you are ready to receive my explosion!!!

French Kiss Movie

2010-04-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

French Kiss is one of my favorite movies ever. And since watched the movie, I adore Meg Ryan the actor, her movies, and have big dream to come to Paris one day. I watched French Kiss in La Tv (an old school station television in Indonesia), first when I was in high school. After that, I usually rent the movie CD from video rental store nearby. The story is about a girl, Kate who is chasing her cheated boyfriend, Charlie who just broke their relationship, when he is in Paris.

Kate, who has big fear to flight by plane, makes herself flying to Paris by airplane, where she meets Luc. Luc is a Parisian, flamboyant guy, who's pretty sarcastic and quite sweet. HAHAHAHA. I think Kevin Kline act perfect as Luc in this movie. He can act as a pretty annoying, funny, sweet, and sexy person also hihihi. The journey begins complex, when Luke hide his stolen necklace in Kate's bag. Luc pretends want to help Kate who's losing her passport, and want to meet Charlie. But his main reason is to take the necklace.
So, there the journey began, and both Luc and Kate feel interested and feel sympathy each other. And you can guess how the story ended. It's so sweet HAHAHA. This is a kind of movies I like the most :D.

Moreover this movie has a funny, bright conversation, interesting opinipn, little bit sarcastic which are nice I think. Here some memorable quotes I took from IMDb (Internet Movie Database):

Luc: For me, bullshit is like breathing.

Luc: Now we'll practice. I'll be Charlie.
Kate: I'll be Kate.

Luc: And I am thinking, you should not be flying anywhere.
Kate: I shouldn't?
Luc: No, in fact, I am sure of it. I am thinking, I want you.
Kate: You want me?
Luc: That's all. I want you.

Kate: A healthy person is someone who expresses what they're feeling inside. Express, not repress.
Luc: In that case, you must be one of the healthiest people in the world.

Luc: First, you must take some wine. Can you describe it, the taste?
Kate: It's a nice red wine.
Luc: I think you can do better.
Kate: A bold wine with a hint of sophistication and lacking in pretension.
[beat]
Kate: Actually, I was just talking about myself.

Luc: Kate.
Kate: [hopefully] Yes?
Luc: You are not afraid to fly any more? You are thinking of your little stone cottage?
Kate: It's on a hillside next to a beautiful vineyard. But that's not really what I'm thinking about.
Luc: What are you thinking about?
Kate: You.

Luc: Meanwhile, his lover...
Kate: Don't ever use that word again.
Luc: All right, this bastard woman...

Kate: [about Charlie] We were happy. I've never been so happy.
Luc: When people tell me they are happy, my ass begins to twitch.

Kate: Do you believe in love? The kind that lasts forever?
Luc: I loved my mother.
Kate: No, everybody loves their mother. Even people who hate their mothers love their mothers. The question is, one man meant for one woman. That is the question.
Luc: But it is not an interesting question. It is the question of a little girl who believes in fairy tales.

Kate: Those French. They hate us, they smoke, they have a whole relationship with dairy products I don't understand.

Charlie: I met this woman, this apparition, this goddesse.
Kate: Goddesse?
Charlie: It's French - for goddess.

Kate: [singing] I hate Paris in the springtime/I hate Paris in the fall/I hate Paris in the summer when it sizzles/I hate Paris in the winter when it drizzles/I hate Paris, oh why oh why do I hate Paris?/Because my love is there... with his SLUT girlfriend.

Kate: Happy, smile. Sad, frown. Use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion. But no. You want this mysterious...
Luc: Non. No no no. It is not me who wants it. I don't want it.
Kate: Well what do you want?
Luc: I want you... I want you...
Kate: You want me...
Luc: I want you... to... make Charlie suffer. To make him feel like even though you are right there in front of him, he can't have you.
[he realizes then that he is talking about himself]

Kate: [to Luc] You'll become one of those hunchbacked, lonely old men, sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, "My ass is twitching. You people make my ass twitch."

Luc: That's all? You have no strategy, no armor, no bullshit?

Luc: You were how old when you lost it?
Kate: It? What "it"?
Luc: You know, *it*. Your, uh, flower.
Kate: My flow... oh!
[indignant]
Kate: My flower is none of your business!
Luc: I ask you because some people, they rush towards that fateful moment, their bodies bursting to discover. Others, they guard it like some precious gift.
Kate: And you, I suppose, rushed.
Luc: Like a bull.
Kate: Yeah, I have a picture in my mind. It's very clear.

Luc: I like you. But I don't like the way you say with your face all scrunched up, "you're French, aren't you?" And then I don't like how you say, with your eyes all squinty, "all men are bastards."

after meeting Kate]
Claire: I'm very impressed.
Luc: She's a friend, just a friend.
Claire: Since when are women just your friends?
Luc: Since I met her.

Kate: I don't know what they taught you in France, but rude and interesting are not the same things.

Kate: The key to French waiters: If you're nice to them, they treat you like shit. Treat them like shit, they love you.

Kate: You know, all men are bastards.
Luc: Well, not all. I mean, some are just trying to help.
Kate: You know, I never thought I'd be the kind of woman to say this, but it's true. All men are bastards.
Luc: The guy who was talking to you, he was...
Kate: A bastard. A Eurotrash-in-Armani kind of bastard.
Luc: He was wearing a black suit? With a yellow shirt?
Kate: Yeah.
[Luc groans, then pulls Kate up from the sofa]
Kate: You know him?
Luc: Come on.
Kate: Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other.
[Luc pulls Kate toward the hotel exit]
Kate: [to the conierge] Bastard!

Kate: Didn't your mother ever teach you about staring?

Kate: I mean the kind of love between one man and one woman.
Luc: It is not a very interesting question. It is a question of a little girl who still believes in fairy tales.

Luc: What do you think, the plane is going to crash and we are all on the ground in a thousand pieces dead? I promise you, if it happens, you won't feel a thing.
Kate: You're French, aren't you?

[an announcement is made in French]
Kate: What was that? That sounded important.
Luc: The pilot said there is a crack in the engine, but not to worry, he'll take off anyway.

Kate: Let me ask you something. If you know so much about men and women, how come there was no one waiting for you at the airport?
Luc: Oh, please! I'm finished with women.
Kate: Oh, so you're afraid of commitment.
Luc: I'm not afraid of anything.
Kate: You know what your problem is? You have no staying power.
Luc: What do you mean?
Kate: You can't stick it out.
Luc: [nervously] What are you talking about?
Kate: It's obvious.
Luc: It is?
Kate: You are afraid of commitment.
Luc: [relieved] Commitment! Oh, sorry. I thought you meant...
Kate: What? What did you think I meant?
Luc: Nothing.
Kate: Oh...
[crooks her finger]
Kate: *This* problem.
Luc: It's not a problem!

Luc: Why are you chasing after him after what he's done to you?
Kate: Because I love him! And I'm afraid that if he doesn't come back that I'll... it'll hurt so much that I'll just shrivel up and I'll never be able to love anyone ever again.
Luc: You say that now, but... after a time, you would forget. First, you would forget his chin, and then his nose, and after a while, you would struggle to remember the exact color of his eyes, and one day you wake up and, pfft, he's gone: his voice, his smell, his face. He will have left you. And then you can begin again.

Luc: We can help each other.
Kate: I don't need your help.

Luc: Okay, so I try to understand. He tells you he has met this women... no, no, this goddess. He breaks your heart, he...
Kate: Hurts me. Humbles me.
Luc: Humiliates you.
Kate: Humiliates me!
Luc: Okay, and then, so you come here to Paris so that he can do it again, but this time, right in your face.

It's a very smart script, and I just found out from IMDb, that French Kiss is the first film where Meg Ryan worked also as a producer. It's awesome!! She made a magnificent work!! The script writer is Adam Brook and the Director is Lawrance Kasdan.

Recently I find the CD Original Soundtracks French Kiss in music store. Definitely, I buy the CD HAHAHAHA. I'm searching for the original CD/DVD the French Kiss Movie. It’s hard to search, since it's a 1995 movie, a long time ago.

Love Takes Respect

2010-04-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

I just find out a perfect song for my future relationship hihihi. The lyric feels so right "love takes respect" and it's so easy for me to leave you if you are make me cry. This song feels so perfect for me. It's sung by Joss Stone, the title is "Treat Me Right", enjoy..

Treat Me Right
So you wanna get with me
Say you know all I want
Say you got all I need

So you think that you're the one
Who deserves my love

But love takes respect and
I will take nothing less
If you don't know the rules
I'll explain the rules to you

Treat me right, I'm yours for life
Treat me wrong, I'm gone
Make it sweet, I'll never leave
Make me cry, it's bye bye
Gotta be good to me baby
You gotta treat me right

Gotta have a tender touch
Make sure you give it all
Make sure it gets enough

You gotta make me wanna stay
It's in your hands, baby

I'll have you but first
Show me you know what my love's worth
If you don't know what to do
Let me spell it out for you
You better

Treat me right, I'm yours for life
Treat me wrong, I'm gone
Make it sweet, I'll never leave
Make me cry, it's bye bye
Gotta be good to me baby
You gotta treat me right

Good to me, I'll be so good to you
Love me right, I'll show you love that you never knew
Do for me and there ain't nothing I won't do
If you wanna play and escape you better know the rules

There's some rules
You better know the rules baby

Treat me right, I'm yours for life
Treat me wrong, I'm gone
Make it sweet, I'll never leave
Make me cry, it's bye bye
Gotta be good to me baby
You gotta treat me right

Treat me right, I'm yours for life
Treat me wrong, I'm so gone
Make it sweet, I'll never leave
Make me cry, it's bye bye
Gotta be good to me baby
You gotta treat me right

Raped : whose fault?

2010-04-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

One of my friends, through Yahoo Messenger, told me that he had read news about a father who was raping his own child. He laughed in our chat at YM. First of all, I wondered why my friend was laughing at that time. I think there was no funny thing there. Thus, a very violent action, where you harm your own child, even children have none to be trusted in their life. Those make children paranoid about their own parents. I don't like bad news, like a disaster, violence, and mutilation. I always skip that parts on newspaper.

Moreover, my friend said, the raped might because of the daughter beautifulness. That turns on the father's libido. For God sake, I think there is no correlation between beautiful or not in raped case. Even, I had a sexual harassment experience, as a victim, in public transportation. FYI, I am not so woman-like for physically, I always use long trousers, big shirt, I have pimples in my face, and I have the brown skin which is not beautiful in Indonesian common thinking. And guess what?? I still had that @%%& sexual harassment in busway and train. So, it's not about someone beautifulness but it's about your own lust, and your own control on those f****** lust!!

Then my friend said, the raped is natural and in reason for raping!! He said that's why wives should have and maintain their body shape. His statement really made me mad and wanted to explode. HAHAHAHA. Again I said, "why are you always blame on women??". I asked him to think, you can't expect your wife have a good shape if you don't either. Also, did the husband give much money to wife for treatment on beauty salon? Did the husband support the wife to be smart? Let her has other education and activities, let her not only busy in household jobs, only thinking about what food we should eat today? How are the water and electric payments, etc. Did the husband want to share household job, share to work on cleaning, washing, and cooking? So that wife will have spare time to be bloomed in her life?

You should think about this deeply, practice first, before blame on somebody. Or, you can ask me if you have any question.

Is There Any Single Syndrome Spread Everywhere?

2010-04-12T05:01:00.000-07:00

I chatted with my buddy few days ago. And she discussed with me about single syndrome that's spreading everywhere. Somehow, a lot of our friends published their status in facebook, about marriage, and desperate to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. My friend was little confused about what's happened. Is it a single syndrom? Is it spread to 20s age women? HAHAHA. She also worries to be that kind of desperate women looking for mate.

Then, here is my analysis:
First of all, people (women) in 20s usually already graduated from college
There are no hard activities like a class, learning, papers, and theses. Already got job also, and work well, have an enough salary. For most women, it's enough and it's their time to look for a nice mate for marrying. HAHAHAHA. Their life becomes bored, have not many crazy friends to get some fun with. Life feels pretty empty without any happiness in college. Then they will search other happiness, someone who can adore them, who love them, who want to be married with. So that, mostly women in that age will begin desperate to find any mate HAHAHA.

How to avoid this kind of cycle?? Here madam friska will give you solution.

Never let yourself have a stuck condition, in the a boring circle.
Never let yourself satisfied enough mostly with anything you have achieved in your life.
You should move forward.
Looking for other activities except works (mingle in other society, not spend a lot of time only for sleeping at home)
Meet other and new people so that you will have a lively life
Trust me it works

Once upon a time, one of my friends had asked me why I wasn't interested for a relationship. It's so simple, I just answer "NOPE, why should I?" HAHAHA. In my way home, I kept thinking about my friend question. I was thinking why I just so easy to answer that question. Finally I found the answer, it's because I have no much time to think that kind of problem (relationship) HAHAHA.

Equality

2010-04-06T18:55:00.000-07:00

For me, everybody is equal. No matter what's your gender, profession, your living, your sexual interest, we are equal. As same as equal, people whose rich and people who’s poor; man and woman; heterosexual, homosexual, or transgender. All of them need respect and have same human behavior. But sometimes a person is too easy to judge other people first. People judge other by physical appearance, from the suits somebody's wearing, from the profession, etc. Don't want to know more about the character first.
Past years before, I had this judgment, most of all, to cheesy women HAHAHAHA. I mean here is the woman who wear make up a lot, not in appropriate time and place. I think that they are stupid and only know about makeup, beautifulness, and boys’ gossip. What a shallow me!! As time goes by, I meet a lot beautiful friends (physically) and just find out that they are as smart as other people. HAHAHAHA. My apology! Even now I make good friends with them. Not only beautiful outside but also beautifully inside. HAHAHA.

Equality also is about gender, about man and woman. Yes, man and woman are equal in human right, profession, and ability. It depends on him and her, the ability and willing to develop him/herself. So, please never judge anyone too soon, just because someone is man or woman. This is usually happened to me. Like now, I'm in a project, which’s the institution, feel uncomfortable to work with women!! OMG!! What's wrong with women?? At first I want to resign because their vision and my vision about equality is totally different. But, again I'm thinking that I have to be professional. Working professionally and let them be the one who’s unprofessional. HAHAHA. Worse thing is not only men whose have a traditional thinking about women, but women also thinking traditionally about her. Keeping saying that crying and moody is women behavior. Please girls!!! Grew up!! It's not a excuse for you to cry. And it makes me sick to hear some desperate and pessimistic words/thinking about yourself, girl especially because you are thinking traditionally. We are valuable women, as valuable as men also.

Be Humble Please

2010-04-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

Humble, or maybe you can call it humility (notice: not a humiliation HAHAHA) is a good trait which I like the most. Thanks God, I can use my extraverted sensing to recognize basic character of people. And somehow, I discover this humble traits or opposite, the snobbish. Sorry to say, sometimes I meet a good person in knowledge, easy to talk with, and have broad knowledge but he is a snob. Actually my principles in friendship are: I want to make friends with everyone and respect each others. Even though someone has a bad trait or being different from common people, it's not a big deal for me. As long as we haven't any problem where you destroy my trust, we are friends. Special case is different for the snobbish. Umm, actually I'm pretty tired to hear all your nonsense proudest. Because every proudest that you have boasted is not yours. It comes from your parents. So I think no use you show and talk boastful about that. Another type of snobbish, the one who wants to make everything so mysterious, and don't want to answer anyone question about something in her life. Awesome!! Who the hell are you? Do you think you are a celebrity whom I’m running for news? Sorry sis, it just because my curiosity. If you don't want to share it with me, just tell me. I don't need your fake smile and a confirmation by your best friend (maybe she thinks that her best friend is her assistant).

It's up you if you want to boastful about anything. But do you know that your proudest creates a bore conversation?? It will be a really bore conversation for me. Because I'll not ask you more (it's enough for me hearing your nonsense talking) and I'll keep quiet. HAHAHAHA. You should be suspicious if you are seeing me quite. Except of the situation (in formal situation), that means that I'm not comfortable enough in the situation. And there are a lot of reasons about my uncomfortable. For instance: I meet somebody who’s I don't like or whom I have problem with his/her before. I think there is nothing wrong to be humble. Please do anything in your life as sincerely as possible. So those proudest feeling never come out and spreading, and make other annoyed. Be humble please. Let other see your own achievements, by seeing itself, by knowing itself indirectly, and it will make your name bigger without you realize. Let God the one who really judge your achievements not humans. It will make you cheerful to do anything in your life as a openhearted person and let God see those, blessed you.

To be Married or Not

2010-04-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

My greatest fear in my life is to be married. Before, I have a conversation with my friend whose make me realize more about this fear. GOD!! Help me please.. Like I shared with you in my previous post in my blog, which I love children and I have to find an alive mate and married to have children. Have a chit chat with my friend, make me more realize that decide to marry is not easy at all.

First of all, I have to meet an alive person whom I like and he like me also (must be single, not someone's husband)
He should be appreciate others, humble, and not a liar
He should be someone who has good education, smart for real (I don't need a very high GPA-smart person, it's your smartness in life whom I need the most), little bit funny, modern, has good perspective about gender, has a modern and open minded family background, and willing to help his mate in household stuff

Even I never meet any guy who's capable fulfilled with these requirements: good 'chemistry', character, and background. It's still a long journey for me to meet any mate like that. Somehow I'm pessimistic that there is still a (single) man like this exist in this earth.
The other problem is how to make sure that he is trustworthy to be married with? How can I make sure myself that he is the right man, will be faithful, and those three requirements are real fulfilled, not a fake??
It's scary!! How can you believe someone to accompany you, to be your partner forever in your life? What if he's totally different from those three requirements, and you can't find it out before you are married. What a pity!!! That means that you are trapped in a long life marriage, unhappy, and stressful forever until the rest of your life!! OMG!!! It's so super for you all out there, who's already made a decision to marry and don't regret it!! How brave you are!! I hope someday I'll have that kind of braveness :(

I adore children so much and I want to have children by my own. But, I can't have any child without married! Instead I'm fear it!!! I'm pretty dizzzy right now :S

I Love Myself

2010-04-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

Almost a week ago, one of my relatives was died. I was thinking again about my cousins, both was dead in last year. Also, recently, I came to an orphanage in Depok area. Those made me thought about my life also. I realize that I love for being alive. I'm grateful for my life to anything happened to me, the goodness or some bad things also. They all are make me grow up, not only in outside but also inside (sounds like a commercial tagline, right?).

I learn many things this year and that makes me grateful that I'm still alive and can be a better me from now on. Yes, I love myself. Because it's hard for me to be in love with other person, so it's easier to begin with "I love myself" HAHAHAHA!!
I love for being me, my character, my thinking, and my principles of life. And so many things I haven't done in this whole world. A lot of duties are waiting for me :D
I love children and that makes me thinking about one of my principles. Before, I was thinking it's OK for me, in the worst situation and condition, and at the end, I will never meet any alive mate. HAHAHA. After I came to orphanage, I realize that I love children a lot; they are rejoicing my life and makes me always smile. Adore them a lot!! Problem is I can't have any children biologically without any mate HAHAHAHA. Maybe I should rethink about this principle. Or maybe, I can adopt a child from orphanage. Another problem, I know the license for a single parent to adopt a child is harder to get.

So, the choices are:

find an alive mate, and married (yikess, never thought I ever write this 'weird' word)
stay be single, and adopt a child, with a complicated process

Meanwhile, because I now love myself, I really want to have fun and try a lot of things I never try before. I want to have fun and enjoy all days for mine.

Dying Because Smoking

2010-03-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I think it's not necessary for me to explain what's smoking effect. You should have already known the bad effects. The bad thing, the effects are not only for you the smoker (who I don't care, because it's your own choice) but also your family and people nearby where you are smoking (this what I really care).

There was 2 died family member whose they weren't smoking but their father was. They passed away in young age because of lung disease. And recently, one of my family member, a 50 years old women in dying condition because of worst intestine disease. FYI, her husband was a smoker. And one of their sons already died because the lung disease I have told you before.

Maybe you will say, that it was a coincidence. But for me the coincidence is coming from the smoking family history.
I won't forbid you to smoke. Like I said, it is your own choice, it's not my job to judge you. The problem and something you should pay more attention are, careful with your smoking, smoking in places there is not many people, and keep go to doctor for medical check up annually. May God Bless Us

Holding My Breath Away - thesis problem

2010-03-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

I have already worked on my thesis in almost one year. And yesterday, after my thesis guidance, I just think that I have to begin my thesis, again from the first point. I just think that a long this time I wasted my time working on thesis for one year but now, I have to work on that oldies thesis from first.

I mean, what is the meaning of my one year time?? Why doesn't it mean anything?? Why I have to work on that thesis from beginning after passed one year?? I feel tired to work on that same topic thesis, again from beginning. Even I have to change my research method :(.

The good point is, finally my thesis got attention, and my thesis weakness is showed to me. I'm very grateful for that. So, I have the real and feeling like a very comprehensive thesis guidance. So, what's needed to be done now? I have to search for more new literature, newer from my bibliographic list now. Strange thing is I hard to find the resource in 2000s publication time. Maybe, I'll look for more resource use other keywords. Also I have to contact my research places, told them, that after one year, I'll change my methods :(.

I'm feel tired, and want to leave that oldies thesis. But I have to work on it. It's the only way for me, to get out from my oldies college. The only way!! Because it’s the only way for me to get graduate. Leave my major in college, by a trial thesis, and passed it. GOD!!

Holding My Breath Away - friendship problems

2010-03-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

Recently, I get some problems that needed a decision. It's not an easy decision, I think I need more time to examine that. But something inside me said, I have to make decision faster, and practice it right away. First my problem is about friendship. Once upon a time, I made a relationship (friends) with him. From the start point, I knew that he is not a good person. What I mean here that he has some character whom I don't like. Such as, boastful, snobbish, egoistic, and too possessive. I don't know why (again, like Norah Jones' song), we made a friendship even though my intuition said that he is not a good person to be friends with. Then we had fight because his rudeness, and he humiliated me in front of public. I became very mad. Never pick up his calls, never answer his sms, to indicate that I totally angry and don't want to see him anymore!!

Unfortunately, that stupid stubbornness moronic man still can't figure out what's happened and keep trying to contact me! Then he thought that I just angry because only small thing. FYI, I'm a logic person, and don't easy to get angry only for cheesy things. And still he didn't get it!! Moron!! Even I want to delete him from my facebook friends list, but my friends keep saying that's delete him from facebook is too much. So, what am I doing? I just delete his news feed from facebook so that I don't have to see his damned face on facebook anymore. Too bad, that he and me have a lot of common friends where he usually gives comments to our friends, where (again) I have to see that damned face again!!

These things make me dizzy. More additional problem is he and me have one good friend, that maybe she feels trapped between us. Bad thing happened when she had to choose me or him. His ego keep saying that she always chooses me better than him. That bastard!! She chose him, and I already knew and understood her decision, that she chose him not me. The way she ingratiated him, I don't like it. She chose him, because she is afraid to him. I think she is a coward, and that makes me think more about her. Do I need also to evaluate my friendship with her? That's the second problem...

I have made decision, that I don't want to be trapped in that kind of situation anymore, neither for her also. So that I want to leave her, and let her with her new buddy HAHAHA!! Just enjoy that. And my guarantee, as long as he doesn't change (and I believe people don't change), he will insult her someday. Hopefully you both will be lived happily ever after.

Extraverted Sensing with Introverted Thinking (ESTP)

2010-03-21T05:24:00.000-07:00

I like to use facebook quizzes, and found that one of my friend used a facebook quiz, to found out his character category. So that, I joined the quiz also, and found out that I am in Extraverted Sensing with Introverted Thinking (ESTP) category. Because of my curiosity at that time about myself character, I looked for more information in google, and found some interesting facts about this personality categorization.

The history itself, this personality categorization was compiled by Carl G. Jung in his book "Psychological Types". This theory then was developed by Isabel Briggs Myers, Katharine Cook Briggs, and David Keirsey. Keirsey referred to ESTP as Promoters one of the four types belonging to the temperament he called the Artisan. ESTPs account for about 4–10% of the population. So ESTP people are very rare, we are special HAHAHA..

How Myers and Keirsey can make a categorization? They made it from your own dominant character. So perhaps the result is not very compatible because not your entire traits are described in this character category. But it shows your dominant category. For me, reading the result makes me breath better :D

Because I find some similarities there, and I have already known that these are my traits. Nothing's wrong with that. It just makes me relieved, not worried about my traits are wrong or not. There are some good website that can explain me well about my traits and how to maximize that for your own goodness. It makes me more confident about whom I really am and makes me relieve to accept myself, the way it is.

Btw, there are 16 dominant characters (Myers), such as :
ISTJ (Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Thinking), The Duty Fulfiller
Quiet, serious, earn success by thoroughness and dependability. Practical, matter-of-fact, realistic, and responsible. Decide logically what should be done and work toward it steadily, regardless of distractions. Take pleasure in making everything orderly and organized – their work, their home, their life. Value traditions and loyalty.

ISFJ (Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Feeling), The Nurturer
Quiet, friendly, responsible, and conscientious. Committed and steady in meeting their obligations. Thorough, painstaking, and accurate. Loyal, considerate, notice and remember specifics about people who are important to them, concerned with how others feel. Strive to create an orderly and harmonious environment at work and at home.

INFJ (Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling), The Protector
Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision.

INTJ (Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Thinking), The Scientist
Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance – for themselves and others.

ISTP (Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Sensing), The Mechanic
Tolerant and flexible, quiet observers until a problem appears, then act quickly to find workable solutions. Analyze what makes things work and readily get through large amounts of data to isolate the core of practical problems. Interested in cause and effect, organize facts using logical principles, value efficiency.

ISFP (Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Sensing), The Artist
Quiet, friendly, sensitive, and kind. Enjoy the present moment, what’s going on around them. Like to have their own space and to work within their own time frame. Loyal and committed to their values and to people who are important to them. Dislike disagreements and conflicts, do not force their opinions or values on others.

INFP (Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Intuition), The Idealist
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

INTP (Introverted Thinking with Extraverted Intuition), The Thinker
Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

ESTP (Extraverted Sensing with Introverted Thinking), The Doer
Flexible and tolerant, they take a pragmatic approach focused immediate results. Theories and conceptual explanations bore them – they want to act energetically to solve the problem. Focus on the here-and-now, spontaneous, enjoy each moment that they can be active with others. Enjoy material comforts and style. Learn best through doing.

ESFP (Extraverted Sensing with Introverted Feeling), The Performer
Outgoing, friendly, and accepting. Exuberant lovers of life, people, and material comforts. Enjoy working with others to make things happen. Bring common sense and a realistic approach to their work, and make work fun. Flexible and spontaneous, adapt readily to new people and environments. Learn best by trying a new skill with other people.

ENFP (Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Feeling), The Inspirer
Warmly enthusiastic and imaginative. See life as full of possibilities. Make connections between events and information very quickly, and confidently proceed based on the patterns they see. Want a lot of affirmation from others, and readily give appreciation and support. Spontaneous and flexible, often rely on their ability to improvise and their verbal fluency.

ENTP (Extraverted Intuition with Introverted Thinking), The Visionary
Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another.

ESTJ (Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Sensing), The Guardian
Practical, realistic, matter-of-fact. Decisive, quickly move to implement decisions. Organize projects and people to get things done, focus on getting results in the most efficient way possible. Take care of routine details. Have a clear set of logical standards, systematically follow them and want others to also. Forceful in implementing their plans.

ESFJ (Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Sensing), The Caregiver
Warmhearted, conscientious, and cooperative. Want harmony in their environment, work with determination to establish it. Like to work with others to complete tasks accurately and on time. Loyal, follow through even in small matters. Notice what others need in their day-by-day lives and try to provide it. Want to be appreciated for who they are and for what they contribute.

ENFJ (Extraverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition), The Giver
Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

ENTJ (Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Intuition), The Executive
Frank, decisive, assume leadership readily. Quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. Enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. Usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding their knowledge and passing it on to others. Forceful in presenting their ideas.

Excerpted from Introduction to Type by Isabel Briggs Myers published by CPP. Inc.

Which character type do you think you are? Why don't you try to find out too?

My Pimples were Spreading

2010-03-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA!! What unusual writing title right? This writing is inspired by my friend status in her facebook. She said "pimple is in my chin". HAHAHAHA. Okay, here the story goes...

I never use make up in entire life (before). You can count how many times I use make up in my life. I think I only use make up twice, on my photo session in high school memorial book and in theater performance at my college. So that's why I think I don't need to use any cosmetics or liquid to clean my face. So, until I am in my last term in college right now, I never use any stuff like that and still don't have many pimples. Maybe only one or two pimples when I was in my period. It does never be a problem, until now!!

I don't know why (sounds like Norah Jones' song, right?) but my pimples suddenly came out on my forehead and my cheek. My face now looks like a teenager whose have pimples trouble!!
At last, after consultation with my friend, I decided to use a cleansing liquid and just realized there are so many choices, types, cleansing stage, and brands. GOD!! Help me!! Because I'm so dizzy which one I have to choose, I choose body shop. I think use body shop will be okay. The promotion said it's made from nature and free animal testing. I tried it and guess what?? My pimples were growing.. yikess
Even my friend, thought maybe I was dirty and untidy since I am riding motorcycle, and that was growing my pimples. But I have used motorcycle for years and there is no pimples problem before. Usually it's enough only to wash my face with water. What's wrong then??

I stop to use that stupid body shop, too bad body shop don't have any capable clerk or such a good skin doctor in its store. You know, you shouldn't believe the clerk advice because they are not skin doctor. :( After did some consultation to my friends (again), they suggested me to visit a skin doctor. So, I went to skin doctor on February. The doctor said maybe the pimples came from my stressful activities, and she gave me the prescription.

Umm... maybe the doctor is right. Since my thesis becomes trouble and keep makes my mind stressful, my period also comes unregullary. She's probably right. Thanks doc! I already used the medicine since the middle of february and tried to reduce my stressful mind away. I hope those pimples can be reduced, perhaps I can become a pimple free girl forever hihihi.

Respect Me Please

2010-03-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, today’s topic is about respect. What’s about respect? So the story goes...
Somebody forced me to do something in his own (tirane). So sorry, nobody can force me to do anything I don’t like. Logic thinking already came into my head HAHAHA. Except you can convince me to do that thing you want me to, that’s good and logic, you can’t push me :)

HAHAHA Like what’s happened today, somebody pushed or forced me to do something I don’t like even criticize me why I can’t (appreciate) him. Who the hell are you?? Do you realize why my behavior is never (appreciate) you?? That’s because you never (appreciate) me too. Why do you expect me to do something you not do either?? Are you nuts? Your life is so naive if you are thinking that’s people have to respect you only because your age, in your seventies years old. Ha? Respect is not come by itself. Respect comes from you first. You have to respect others and others will respect you. Respect is not come only because of your age. Even though you are older from others but if you can’t behave, nobody will respect you! Please behave, respect others, and others will respect you.

You tried to convince me that I’m impolite but it doesn’t work pal. Sorry to say, nobody can make me feel guilty expect myself want me to. Maybe it sounds pretty selfish. But logically (of course), it’s yourself decision whether you are feeling do something wrong or not, then feeling guilty. So your strategy is not work for me. HAHA!

I think that everybody is in same position, in the same right to tell his/her feeling, to express him/her for a good way (of course). And NOTHING, i said again NOTHING can border us to said what’s right and to defend our right as a free man/woman. Forget the religion, culture, society thinking, and others opinion as a bad border. I don’t say that those are not important. Those are important also but sometimes people can make those to be a bad border.

First, the religion interpretation by people is different each other or between one religion to another. Who know the truth about what God wants? No people, except the holy bible! And people sometimes force others to follow their own interpretation, the worst makes others religion seems bad. It’s so sad. But really, sometimes it’s happened in Indonesia. That’s what I mean that people can use religion as a bad border. Second, the culture can be a bad border. Indonesian culture (mostly) ask young person to (appreciate) the elders. These make elders want to be served by younger’s. But this could be bad, if the elders’ then force younger’s to do something. Force without discussion, force only to satisfied the elders without hear what’s in younger’s mind. Third is about the society thinking and others opinion. SHIT!! This is the part where I hate the most. In Indonesia, your problem becomes others problem. That’s mean your problem is my problem too and it will spread in your community and friends. Not only be spread, it also be discussed, then people do judgment without you know, without even told you. HA!

So in my opinion, if you think those things become a bad border for you, to say what’s right and banned your right as a free man/woman then stop worrying!! Forget those bad borders!! Tell people what’s on your mind. And when you see something is not right, just talk. It needs courage to do. That’s okay. I’m still keep learning to say my opinion in more polite way also: D.

And for you who want others’ respect please behave and respect others first. Okay?!

Why Angkor Wat?

2010-03-17T18:16:00.000-07:00

Why I really want to see Angkor Wat, in Cambodia? It was last December, I was watching a very tempting channel for travelling, National Geographic Channel. Please beware watched NGC, makes you keep on dreaming HAHAHAHA. The show was about the top 10 most amazing architecture in Asia. And the winner is Angkor Wat. Before watched the show, I was thinking that Angkor Wat is not very different from Borobudur Temple in Java. I was totally wrong!!!

Angkor Wat already reknown by the world and UNESCO as one of the World Heritage. Why?? It's because the architecture is very different, and you never imagine how an Angkor Wat is made!! Like me, I was surprised also. TOTALLY SURPRISED!! So from NGC, I knew that Angkor Wat was made (by ordered King Suryavarman II) in year 1200. King Suryavarman II wanted to make a sanctuary, the most beautiful, biggest, and highest ever in Cambodia. He ordered to make Angkor Wat to protect him after all sins he already made in his life. Through Angkor Wat, he wanted to died in peace and be in heaven. And also, it is believed, that once Angkor Wat wall was covering by gold WOW!! So, Angkor Wat was very sparkling in 1200 I think. Angkor Wat development was magnificent also. Do you know that actually Angkor Wat is floated on the water???

King Suryavarman II hired an architecht, believed he was the one who designed Borobudur Temple also. By King Suryavarman II order, Angkor Wat was made on 12 hectare by people hands, there was no technology like bulldozer at that time! AMAZING!! It was floating, very huge, made by very big stones, covering by gold, and made by human hands... OMG!!! Can you imagine the development, how graceful Angkor Wat in 1200??

After King Suryavarman died, the capital city moved from Angkor Wat area to Angkor Thom, and Thailand attacked Cambodia. Angkor Wat was forgotten, even for 400 years (but how can you forget Angkor Wat??) Angkor Wat was hidden by forest, totally its beautifulness was hidden. Until then, Herni Mooth Out, a france scientist hunted in Angkor Area and find Angkor Wat in about 1960. OMG!!! And now, we can appreciate Angkor Wat, how's magnificent people works in ancient time. And makes me more crazy to come to Angkor Wat soon... Hopefully :D

Cheap Airflight in Indonesia, inspiring!!!

2010-03-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Cheap airflight in Indonesia is already changed my mind. Before, I always think that going aboard is expensive, even, the fact, I (was) never go outside Java island, the worst, I (was) never go outside West Java HAHAHAHA. But now it's just a history. Finally I go outside Java island, even go abroad to Singapore :).

The story began last year, when me and my friends were in our last year in college. We wanted to spent long months vacation by travelling. In that time, I always aware and read advertising about cheap airflight rate in newspaper. In that time, the promotion offered flying to Johor Bahru, Kuala Lumpur, Bangkok, Yogyakarta, and Bali in really cheap rate (round trip fare maybe from about Rp 500.000 / about US$ 55). Awesome right??

Then, we were thinking if the price range was not very different why don't we try to go abroad?? HAHAHA
And yeah, we made it. We booked the tickets for August flight to Johor Bahru and ordered it since May :D.
Really, the cheap airflight fare is changing our destination for vacation right now. After our last vacation to Singapore (through Johor Bahru), we are addicted to go travelling again HAHAHAHA. My next destination is going to Angkor Wat, Cambodia. But there is no direct cheap airflight to there. Maybe I have to go Bangkok (Thailand) or Ho Chi Minh City (Viet Nam) first. Thats why I still watching the airflight fare until now. HAHAHAHA. Hopefully after graduated I can go to Angkor Wat, Cambodia or maybe go all over Southeast Asia (Viet Nam-Cambodia-Laos-Burma-Thailand) and maybe Malaysia. HAHAHA what a big dream :D Still don't know if three of us can go make it together. But, I really want to!!!!

Totally in Love with Babyface

2010-03-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

In love in love in love with Babyface!!!!!! Like I told you before that I have already download most of babyface songs. Before, I only heared it with guessed the lyric. Then, in my spare time, I looked for every lyric of the song in the internet by heared it also. And guess what??? OMG!!!! I'm so touched by the lyrics. OMG!! How I just realized it by now??

Okay, here the list, the deepest Babyface song lyrics for me:

Nobody Knows It but Me, tells us about your feeling, when you miss somebody a lot without nobody knows
Seven Seas, about looking for your mate, go travel seven seas for him/her
Good to Be in Love, after fighting and have bad day with your mate, you still realize that you are still in love with him/her
I Said I Love You, asked you to believing once again
Soon as I Got Home, show a faithfulness to the mate
Sunshine, to praise you, as the sunshine of life
Fire, pretty 'naughty' song, makes you smile :) hihihi
Given a Chance, rejoices me after the bad day
How Come How Long, asked us to give attention to others
I Care about You, shows your feeling to other, the music is great too
If Only in Heaven's Eyes, about faithfulness and life strong in world
A Girl like You, looking for the perfect girl
Love Makes Things Happen, you never know..

A lot of other songs that I think have good meaning and give you more confidence about believing and trust :D

Life Application Study Bible NIV (New International Version)

2010-03-12T08:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, my brother just came from NY, USA and bought this Life Application Study Bible NIV (New International Version). I just wonder, why after he went far from here, Indonesia and then bought a bible???? What's so special about this bible??

So, I read the bible, and like the name in smaller font : personal size. Yep, through this bible, the readers can get a lot of information by read it. I already read the outline and it is interesting!!! Many sections available are there except the bible itself (Old Testament and New Testament). Like example this bible gives other additional part such as the timeline between time bible history and the history fact, I think that's AWESOME!! It can broader our thinking about time in bible is not different and far away from the history time. And inside the Old Testament and the New Testament there are also some description, in full description about every words and God's words. It gives more explanation about God's words and the application in our life.

Honestly, it feels forever for me go to church!! I'm sick go to church where people don't come for God. Church become a place where people can show off their richness and for young peole it's where you can search for a boy/girlfriend. Reading this bible makes me better. Since I don't go to church anymore I never read bible. But this bible is different!! It explain about many things... Even there is an index in the back pages, categorized by the theme or problem. So every question I got, I can check on it, and open the pages.

It's so GREAT!! Some question of mine will get answered!! I want to read the bible with all the explanation from the Genesis until Revelation. Hopefully I can do it, finished to read it, understand it, and implemented it, before I died. Very grateful to Jesus Christ who gives me a way to know Him more :)

Watch Kenny "Babyface" Edmons in Java Jazz Festival 2010

2010-03-07T17:45:00.000-08:00

Yep, finally I watched Babyface special show in Java Jazz, March 7th 2010. The show was scheduled on 8.15 pm but I was already on the queque at 6.30 pm hahahaha! Thanks God that me and my friends were in the head of the queque. Yup, three of us were on the head of the queque. We wanted to have the front row!! Feeling pretty comfortable because we can directly ask the comitte a lot about the time when we can enter the venue.

Maybe, on about 8pm, all people that have already waited for 2 hours, was disturbed by our, vice president arrival (and his family members). Budiono and family made us, who already waited for 2 hours pretty mad. Because, Budiono brought a lot of family members who came to the venue without queque at all!! Huh.. such a nepotism :( And too bad, because there was a vice president of Indonesia in the venue, A2 Hall, there was a complicated checking door (the small one) and bag checking, for all us, all the people crowd before came in to the venue.

Can you imagine how messsed up the situation last night? Finally we came in, but I think the comitte was not prepared enough, because there were people from last show (Griffith Frank general show) in the A2 Hall. Huhh.... The worst thing was the lack communication between the comitee and the security. The comitte told us, to got inside, so I ran (yep, i RAN) into the venue, looked for the first row. But one of the security tried to catch me, maybe he was panicked why I was running, and he asked me to show my ticket (again). I told him "I have already got the ticket checking, and a lot of people still come in to the venue. So, where's the problem?" And then bravely, I just ran pass him. And yeah!!! I got the second row on the show.. Yipee

We waited for some minutes, waited for the sound system check, then singing our national anthem, Indonesia Raya, and yeahhhhh!!! There were Babyface and his band!!!! Wooooooooooo!!!!!
He came out and sung, and asked us, all the audience to sing a long!!! Wow!! What a performance!! And the fascinating thing was, Babyface is so attractive, he told us a lot of stories, about his lovers from kindergarten (hahahahaha!), his plan to undercover by phone as his teacher to ask a interview with the Jackson Five, his friendship with Michael Jackson ('I love you' with MJ tone,), and his deepest feeling lost friend like MJ. So he made a beautiful arrangement singing last night, by his stories, some of his songs last night were : Everytime I Close My Eyes, Fire, I'll Make Love to You, End of The Road, Wonderful Tonight, Change the World, Gone To Soon, How Come How Long, When Can I See You Again (it's a very very flirtatious song, sung by Babyface ... :D)

We love you Babyface! What a great performance... I'll wait for you greatest hits compilation CD hihihihi
Thanks for Babyface and the great band (what a huge a powerful drummer you are, man).. Thanks also for all the comitte, I hope you can do better in the future, and for our president and vice president, do read : please don't come to our show, you guys only watch the show for 10-20 minutes, but you make all the crowd people worse. Please do your job as government and watch Java Jazz maybe in other time, after you finished your works as president and vice president. Okay?

My Relationship

2010-02-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

Yeah, this is the right topic to talk in February right? HAHAHA. What a coincidence!

Some days before, I had a talk with a new guy, someone that really had a very different thinking and culture with me. That’s why, our discussion run well, honest, and maybe he thought that I am a geek. HAHAHAHA!! Don’t know, don’t care, and don’t sure about his opinion to me :P Okay. At that time we had a lot of discussion topic, and there was the most interesting topic for most people, which is about relationship.

His question, asking me about having a boyfriend made me thinking more deeply about this topic. Recently, 2 months before I had a discussion with other friend about our ideal mate. HAHAHA. But not talking deeply about the relationship itself. That time was different. We were talking about relationship, and he was wondering why I don’t interested in a relationship- By the way, the term of relationship I used here means a love relationship between you and your special mate.

So, I told him that it was a long time-and years though since my first crush. My first crush has a different faith with me so I try to make that crush sinks, and it works. HAHAHAHA. After that, I got other crush person (what unusual terms: P), and easily sink it down because some reasons. To make a relationship, I think it’s better to start it as a friend first. Since my friendship is not very well, where I always cheated and ‘stabbed’, hard for me to find a great friend, which ones have a good character and can be trusted.

Trust and others character always become a main problem for me.

I’m not easily trust somebody and be a really great friend with somebody. I do make friends, easily. But to make great friends, it’s really rare. So, lucky them whose my great friends. HAHAHAHA!

When my friendship is not well yet, I can’t make any relationship. Even marriage!! GOSH!! That thing is really fall behind me. Never think about that, even not interested yet. Yeah, please do recognize I still use the term ‘yet’ here. HAHAHAHA.

So, when my discussion friend, asked my opinion about marriage, I said didn’t know and not interested at marriage-I think I forgot to say the term ‘yet’ at that time. HAHAHAHA. I told him it was a really far away plan I never thought before. Besides, I had read lot news about marriage. About domestic violence, husbands cheating wives and vice versa, how divorce can ruin everything in your life, how is our Indonesia culture thinking about women position in marriage, and why a lot of Indonesian women satisfied enough to ‘work’ only as housewives.

I think your position as housewives only are tricky. I mean, women don’t have any power anything to be independent without their husband. It seems like your husband giving you live with their money, you don’t work and only living spending your husband money. You don’t have enough bargaining position-this time I use the economic term: P. Unfortunately for them, wives who’s already have children and their husbands are cheating or do domestic violence. Without any skill and no work, how can they live, how can they raise their children, and how ‘care’ people and society opinion about them, the wives and the women as the weak and the wrong position in that broken marriage. WHAT !@#$%

So, the end of our discussion was,

He suggested me to try a relationship, make some moves (hard to do since I am hardly in love and easily to sink it)
Maybe I can join a matchmaking from my parents (what a NO NO suggestion I think)
Try to make some dates, he thought it’s a perfect time for a girl in my age (yeah, maybe, but I’m still not interested yet)
Don’t too hurry thinking about divorce (better we should forgive at first, but if it becomes a habit, yeah, maybe divorce will be a good solution)
Marriage is easy as long as I want to (HA???, I don’t think so)
You can’t marry your girl friends (I think that’s mean, I can’t make friends with my girl friends forever, I do need to find a boyfriend, the potential one, ASAP)

The good point of our conversation at last, I think more about what relationship is-thanks to my discussion friend- Do I need a relationship? Should I do it? How it should be happened? And finally, who my mate will be?? HAHAHAHAHA. What a main problem. Still have no interest to other man-do read, I mean man, yeah, its man, not you the boys who always ‘playing’-playboy. Hahaha let’s pray, hope, and do move when someday I’ll find my man :). Yeah, please do pray for me also. And maybe you can introduce me to someone’s good. HAHAHAHA.

What a day, what a post, what a crazy and wacky me. Good night.

JakJazz 2009 has been postponed to 2010

2009-12-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

Too bad that one of greatest jazz festivals in Indonesia, JakJazz has been postponed to 2010.Why it can be cancelled? Because of the sponsor withdrawal!!! You can read it more here. We, the jazz lovers always waiting for biggest jazz festivals in Indonesia, such as : JakJazz Festival (it should be the 11th now), Java Jazz Festival, Jazz Goest to The Campus. It's so sad also, because JakJazz 2009 had invited many musicians abroad,
USA:
Dave valentin Triple Play ft Dave Valentin
Bill O’Connell
Richie Flores
Brazil:
Lica Cecato
Valtinho Anastacio
Malaysia:
RTM Jazz Orchestra
M-Jazz Trio
Holland (Erasmus Huis):
Pigalle 44 Gypsy Jazz
France (CCF):
Jean My Truong
Vietnam/USA/China/UK/Germany/Ghana/Thailand/Singapore/Malaysia:
Curtis King Blues Band
Italy:
Roberto Ruggeri
Mattia
USA/UK/Swiss/Norway:
Janek Gwizdala Project
Japan:
Galaxy Big Band

I have got intuition, there's is something unusual in JakJazz 2009, since October. Even in October the publications about JakJazz 2009 is not spread in many media here. I was waiting for the early bird ticket in the early months before the event. That's why I wondered, how come a big event, such as JakJazz that will be held in November don't have any big advertisements everywhere? Strange thing happened, the event schedule got changed, into December 4th-6th 2009. But in late November it was cancelled, be 'postponed' for 2010.

Why there is no many sponsors supported JakJazz 2009? This event not only about profit sharing but also a appreciation of jazz in Indonesia, the Jazz growth in Indonesia, even it's now should be the 11th JakJazz Festival. Ireng Maulana and all the organizers should be very disappointed about this cancellation. Also we, all the jazz lovers in Indonesia.

Mourning for JakJazz Indonesia 2009

Bridge Over Troubled Water

2009-11-29T19:19:00.000-08:00

The first time I listen this song when I buy the DVD/CD David Foster, You're the inspiration. I really like all songs composed by David Foster that mostly sang in this album. When Josh Groban's part, he sang by playing piano, Bridge Over Troubled Water feat Brian McKnight. Since, I fall in love with this song. Recently I looking for the lyrics and mp3. This song was well known by Simon And Garfunkel, duo from New York in 1957 . Then they got splitted and make their own career individually. You can check the Bridge Over Troubled Water sang by them here.

Why I love this song? The rhythm and the lyrics is so deep. And the singers voice can spread the message. By first I heard it, I realize that this song have a deep meaning. So then I listen the song in maximum voice, so I can understand the whole words and now search the lyrics through Google (of course). Bridge Over Troubled Water tells us

about strength even though we have problems, feeling in the corner, hiding somewhere, and there is no friends you can believe.

Like a bridge over troubled water, yeah that should be us then.

"When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all

I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you

I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled"